Gone.

adjustments

Mayas pov 

I'm trying to be strong for Carina. I really am. I know she needs me just as much as I need her, but I can't help but hold a grudge against her. I know she made the right choice, and as my medical power of attorney it was her choice to make. I guess I'm just mad at myself for doing something so risky that she has to make that decision in the first place.

I can't even think about my job without tearing up. I'll never be able to go back in the field again. Yes, I'll walk. I'll run eventually. But firefighting is a thing of the past for me now, and I can't accept that. I've only been captain for 2 years. 

She still asleep, I can feel her chest rising and falling rhythmically. Amelia walks in quietly, setting a brown bag down on the table, alone with our water bottles. "You two need to eat." She says. I smile weakly and nod, "thank you Dr. Shepherd." "Please call me Amelia." She whispers back. "Do you need anything right now? PT should be up in about an hour." She asks.

"I'm good, thank you though. Maybe a change of clothes for her?" I reply. She points to a bag in the corner, which I just realized had been there since I woke up yesterday. "Thank you." I whisper, she heads out. 

Carinas pov

I wake up to the sound of the door closing, Maya smiling at me. She tells me amelia brought breakfast while I was asleep. We share some bagels together. She's smiling and cracking jokes, but I know it's all a disguise. She's in pain, mentally and physically, but is holding on for me. 

The PT guy comes in, and does some small things with Maya to regain her balance sitting down, and some activities to help her familiarize herself with her new situation. 

She should be released from the hospital tomorrow, with consistent check ups and PT visits everyday for a while. I sit with her during her appointment, watching her struggle to do simple tasks, and watching the frustration grow on her face. He tells us to continue with these exercises until our next appointment two days from now. 

I kiss her lips gently after he leaves, and tell her how proud I am of her. I truly am proud. She's so strong, and to comeback from something like this with so much motivation is something I truly cannot imagine. 

The next day 

My stuff is packed. I finish packing Mayas stuff, waiting for her to be discharged at 4. It's only 1, but she's anxious to get home. I'm worried to go home, for her to see everything she used to be able to do with ease become unobtainable. 

My phone buzzes. Addison texted me. She asked how I was feeling, I know she meant to ask about the miscarriage but I answered like she was asking how Maya was doing. How Maya is doing is going to depict how I'm doing for a while, at least until she can be independent again. 

4 rolls around, and amelia brings a wheelchair into Mayas room. She sighs before scooting to the edge of the bed. I can see her trying to work out how she's going to get to the chair, so I grab her arms to help. She jumps down to one leg, before awkwardly turning around and sitting in the chair. I grab most of the bags, Amy grabs the rest and we head out. 

Having to help Maya into the car is obviously frustrating for the both of us. She wants to be independent and I just want to help. We arrive home, and she gets back in her chair, and I push her inside. It's like I can see the thoughts running through her head. The stairs, the high cabinets, the couch. 

I set a bed up for her in the downstairs guest room, I'm finishing making it when I hear Maya yell for me. I drop everything and run out to her, my heart racing. I see her on the floor by the couch. I kneel next to her frantically thinking of anyway to help her. 

"Bambina what happened? What do you need?" I say. "I thought I get get on the couch by myself." She says through struggled breaths. She's grabbing at what remains of her leg. I help her onto the couch, and then grab her pain meds for her leg. 

Once she took the meds, I get up to finish putting the sheets on the bed. She grabs my arm and pulls me back down to the couch. "Please stay with me. Just for a few minutes." She says quietly.  I lay back on the couch, letting her rest her head on my chest, running my fingers through her hair. 

It turned into a lot more than a few minutes, but I'd lay here forever if it meant she was okay. I couldn't seem to fall asleep. When I blink, my mind flashes to the moment in the attending s lounge where I thought I lost her forever. Closing my eyes let's my brain win. 

Mayas pov 

I wake up the next morning to the sun pushing through our blinds. "Good morning Bambina." Car says to me. My leg is throbbing, my head too. "Did you get any sleep?" I ask. "Si, I got a few hours." She replies. 

A month later 

Carina is in the kitchen making coffee, the only thing she's been surviving on. I'm worried about her. About how she's not eating, I think she might've relapsed too. I just feel like she has to be exhausted from being my lifeline for the past month. 

I get up to use the bathroom, grabbing my crutches, they're all I have until the prosthetic fitting. I slowly make my way to the bathroom, trying to be quiet but my crutches are squeaking with every move I make. 

I finally make it through the door. I set my crutches against the sink and try to make my way to the toilet. My knee gives out and I hit the floor with a loud thud. 

"Maya?" Carina yells and proceeds to drop everything to come and help me.