Gone.

how much longer

Carinas pov 

We sit on those stairs for a while. Waiting. Hoping. I'm not sure what for, but I can't seem to leave. Leaving these stairs makes my problems real. 

I slowly get up, my knees cracking, my legs unstable. "I'm going to check on her." I say. Amelia nods. Getting up with me. "I have to do this alone. Just me and her." I say to her. She forces a smile before pulling me into a hug and whispering into my ear. "You've got this. You'll make it through."

I knock on her door, awaiting a response. She doesn't reply so I slowly enter. The cold knob on my clamy hands. I see her blue eyes, red and watery staring at me. "What do you want?" She says, her voice cracking between words. "Maya... I.." I start but she cuts me off. "Do you want to take my right leg off too? Even it out?" She yells. I start to tear up, but choke the tears back before one rolls down my cheek.

"Maya I'm sorry." Is all I can say before my own voice gives out. She doesn't answer, instead gives me a piercing glance. I sit in the chair next to her bed, reaching for her hand, but she pulls away. "It was your life or your leg, and I know..." i start, but she again cuts me off. "You don't know anything about me. You don't know what I would've wanted." She says yelling.

"The Maya I know would want to fight for her life. To fight for another chance, even if it was going to be difficult." "I guess you don't really know me then, do you?" She asks. We sit in silence for a bit, my brain tells me to leave but my heart wants me to stay. 

"Maya, I'm not leaving. I don't care what you say, I'm going to be by your side for the whole process. Because I'm your wife, and you're mine. And I love you. So damn much." I say, emphasizing the last words. 

What came next was unexpected, she grabbed my hand, squeezing it tight. Her body begins to shake as she sobs. I stand up, hugging her to the best of my ability. "Carina I'm so scared." She whispers in my ear. "I know Bambina." "I'm sorry Carina. I love you. I really do." She says, "I know Bambina." I reply. 

We stay like that for a while, neither of us can let go. We hear the door open, and Lincoln walks in. "Captain Bishop. I've come to check on the incisions, as well as the stitching." He says. We pull apart, she nods to him. He pulls the blanket back and Maya turns her head, unable to even look at what remains of her leg. 

Lincoln tells us it all looks great, and that he's going to send a guy from PT in tomorrow to start the process of walking again. I know it's going to take forever for her to even stand on one leg, let alone get a prosthetic and learn to walk on that. It will be years before she can run. 

She scoots over on her bed, tapping the empty side, signaling my to lay next to her. I lay on the side opposite her amputation, and her head rests on my chest. I run my fingers through her hair, quietly whispering sweet nothings to her in Italian. It's what usually calms her down when her anxiety is at a high. 

Amelias pov 

I'm worried about her. Carina. It occupies my mind while I'm working, while I'm walking the halls, when I get home. She lost a baby, and almost lost her wife. She almost lost her wife to her injuries, and to the fighting. That's the second baby she's lost this year. Neither of which she told Maya about. She wasn't far along enough to be comfortable telling her, incase of the worst. And the worst is exactly what happened. She lost her brother, her lifeline. That pain, I can relate to. Her family in Italy is falling apart, as her dads untreated BPD is getting more unmanageable. She was just talking about taking a trip home to see him, to help him. 

She can't catch a break and that's what worries me. She shoves all her feelings down, like me, and eventually breaks. When Andrea died, I saw the marks on her wrists. I saw the loss of weight around her waist. We've been best friends since she found my tumor, and she stood by my side for all of that. The best I can do is support her through this, doing whatever it takes to see her smile again. 

I knock on Mayas door, before slowly entering. Carina puts a finger to her lips, Maya is asleep. Carinas cheeks are tear stained, her hands fidgety. I hand her the protein shake I brought her. She's hesitant at first, but I make her take it. I sit with her and watch her drink it in its entirety. "Can you grab my water per favore?" She whispers. I nod, handing her the grey hydroflask  covered in stickers. 

I grab her hand after she sets the bottle down, rubbing my thumb back and forth over the back of her hand. She weakly smiles at me. I open my mouth to talk, but my pager goes off. She nods at me, understanding I have to leave. "Get some sleep." I whisper to her.  I head off to the pit, still worried about her. I know she means to eat and drink, but she's forgetting because all she cares about is Maya. How is Maya doing? What can I do for Maya? How can I be there for Maya? 

Carinas pov 

I try to take Amelias advice, closing my eyes. I can't seem to slow my thoughts enough to sleep, but closing my eyes is helping my headache at least. I must've eventually drifted off, because the next thing I remember is waking up to Maya readjusting her body in the bed.