Dark Beauty

chapter 30

'I need to talk to you.' I grabbed Avery's arm and pulled her closer to me.
'What's so important?' She curiously asked. 
'Sit down.' I gestured. 
'I'm nervous.' She said. 'Are you leaving Luanacris Beach?' 
'No, nothing like that.' I laughed.
'So what is it?' She asked.
'I think I have feelings for Jake.' I blurted. Feelings and Jake in the same sentence felt so right.
'Finally!' She said.
I had a lot of thinking yesterday and realized that I had stopped loving Lucas for some time. 
I didn't want to admit it but, these past days hanging out with Avery and Jake again and going out with Jake made me see that maybe they were right about the way Lucas was treating me. I was trying to hang on to the Lucas I met, but he rarely showed in the Lucas I was dating now.
   Maybe deep down I always knew that Lucas wasn’t right, but why would I want to believe that someone who was meant to love me didn’t? I deserved to be treated right. I have given him so many chances. I couldn't stay in this relationship anymore. 
However, I couldn't tell Jake my feelings. I preferred being just his friend than risk telling him how I felt and messing up our friendship. 
‘What do you mean by, finally?' I asked Avery. 
'As your best friend, I figured out way before you that you had feelings for him.' She explained. 'So now break up with that jerk and tell Jake that you like him.' 
'No way.' I exclaimed. 'I can't tell him, I'm too friendzoned!'
'Nonsense.' She said. 'You can't leave this bottled up inside you.'
'I can and I will!' I looked right into her eyes. 'Please don't tell him, don't tell anyone.' 
'Okay, okay.' She mumbled 'But remember, I'm always right.' 
I wished she was, but Jake had already said I was his best friend and all those “just friends” things. 

Lucas picked me up in the morning to go to the orphanage. We were going to stay the whole day together, so I couldn't break up with him today. I wanted to focus on the children and not on my relationship with Lucas.
The place was somewhat far; however, we didn't talk much on the way there. Now that I knew how I felt, I felt strange being with Lucas. I felt guilty. As if I was making a fool of him for being with him but wanting Jake. 
Lucas must still like me or he wouldn't have asked me for a second chance right? 
'I think it’s going to be fun.' Lucas parked in front of a big house. It was already full of cars pulling up or getting donation out of the trunks. 
'I'm sure it will.' I smiled a little. Now it was supposed to be about the children, not about Lucas and me. 
The house was quite big. It had several rooms with several beds in it. There was also a recreation room, a big living room, a kitchen and a cafeteria. However, everything was very simple. 
We were put in groups. One group was going to paint the rooms, another help in the kitchen, we were having a feast. There was going to be a group who would play with the children and the last group would help at the bake sale. The orphanage organized a bake sale in front of the building to raise more money for the Christmas party for the children. After we sell all the goods we were going to have a big dinner they liked to call ‘the feast’ as a celebration, which would also raise money for the orphanage. 
The children had baked some stuff but most was brought by us, as well as the food for dinner. The owners and some older children were preparing the desert.
I was put in the bake sale group and Lucas in the room painting group. 
We ended up not seeing each other a lot. I only saw Lucas at lunch, we sat together, but we needed to eat quickly. He told me he was painting a green room and I told him I was in charge of selling the brownies and then we didn't talk again. He didn't really seem to realize or care. Maybe he was too absorbed in his work, which would be really good. Like I said, today was about the children, not about our relationship. 
After lunch a girl from the recreation group asked me to switch with her, which I did with pleasure. Playing with the kids was much more fun than being in the sun selling brownies. We played hopscotch, hide and seek, capture the flag, and many other games.  When the feast was finally served, I was so tired. We had improvised a little play for the smaller kids and it was really fun. The smile on their faces made me forget about all my problems for a while. I think I will volunteer next semester too. Although it had been fun, all I wanted now was for Lucas to drive me home so I could take a quick shower and sleep. It was already past eleven and most people had already left.
'Let's party.' Lucas said to one of his friends as I approached him. 
'Party?' I asked.
'Yeah, we have a party, and the football team from that rival school I told you about is going to be there.' He explained.
'Will you take me home first?' I asked.
'I was hoping you would come with me.' Lucas smiled.
'I'm so tired.' I said 'You said you would take me home.' 
'I'm also tired.' Lucas said. 'Come with me.' 
'I don't want to.' I went to most of the parties with him until now.
'Well, I can't take you home, the party is nearby.' By his tone he seemed annoyed.  'It’s a big detour to take you home and come back!' 
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I volunteered to help him and now he wouldn't even drive me back. If the orphanage was close, it wouldn't be a problem going home, but it wasn't. I had no idea how to go back, I’ve never been to this part of the city. 
'I don't know how to get home!' I exclaimed. 'I can't believe this, you asked me to help you and now you can't help me?'
'Baby, it's not so hard, just get a bus.' He said. ‘Or get a cab.’
There was no use trying to argue with him. I was so mad. How can I be so stupid, why do I let him, treat me this way? I took a deep breath; I wouldn't start a fight about this now. I was too tired.
'Can you leave me next to a bus stop or something?' It was the least he could do.
'I can't. They are already leaving.' He said.
'You're unbelievable.' I said
'I'm not your driver.' He angrily said.  I just looked at him, how could I like someone like him?
'Okay, you’re right.' I took a deep breath. 'Have a good party' 
He didn't even try to stop me, I hoped he would, but he didn't.
Now how would I get home? I asked one of the owners where was the nearest bus stop. Being kinder than Lucas, she said she could give me a ride to the bus stop, but she couldn't take me closer to home because she needed to go back right away. 
The bus only took me half way, so I got off. Where should I go now? I asked myself. I didn't have enough money for a taxi. The night wasn't as warm as usual. To tell the truth, it was kind of chilly. The weather girl said it would be quite chilly this week and maybe it would rain. 
    I walked up to café next to the bus stop, to ask if they could give me instructions on how to get me home. The smell of coffee was strong, it smelled good. The place was really nice, it had a comfortable environment.  I went to the counter. There was someone hidden behind it, I think he was getting a box of cups or something. 
'Excuse me, but could you please help me? I'm kind of lost.' I asked the barista. 
'Leila?' He said getting up. Jake? 
'What are you doing here?' I asked. 
'I could ask you the same thing.' He said, putting the box of cups on the counter behind me. 
'Lucas is why I'm here.' I sighed. 
‘Is he here?’ Jake asked, looking around the café.
‘No.’ I answered ‘I’m alone.’
'My shift ends in an hour.' He said looking at his watch. 'Do you want to wait for me so we can go home together? Then you can tell me what happened and I'll tell you why I'm here.'
'Of course.' I smiled. 'I'll wait at that table over there.' I pointed to a small table on the corner. 
I was so tired that I fell asleep waiting for Jake. I woke up with Jake gently shaking my shoulder. 
'Hey, it's time to go.' He smiled. He had changed from his uniform to jeans, a grey t-shirt and a jacket 
I looked at him groggily, my arm was aching because of the position I had slept on. 
'Need some minutes to wake up?' Jake laughed. 
'No, no let's go.' I got up and picked up my handbag. 
As we walked into the chilly night, Jake asked me to tell him what happened.
I told him the whole story and finished when we entered the bus. 
'Why are you still with him?' Jake asked. 
'I really don't know.' I finally admitted to him. 'Can we change the subject?' I asked fidgeting with the zipper of my bag. 
'Okay.' He softly said. 'Just remember, you need to do what YOU want, don't let him tell you what to.' Was Lucas really manipulating me? Or was I just that stupid? Why was I still with him, when I clearly liked Jake?
'So why are you working at a cafe and so far from your house?' I asked.
Jake looked at me and took a deep breath. 
'I need money.' He said. 'I need to get out of that house as soon as possible.' 
'Because of your father right?' I asked. Of course it was because of his father but I just wanted something to fill the silence. 
'Yeah.' He mumbled. He sat up straight and looked at me. 
'I've been working here for a few years already, when I save up enough money, which I hope to have until we graduate, I'll leave.'  He explained. I looked at him, his plan had some problems, which I didn't know if I should say. 
'Don't you think he will come after you?' I asked. 
'I don't know.' He sighed. 'I just need to get out of there.' 
'What about college?' I asked 
‘I still don’t know.’ He said. 'When I get it all figured it out I'll tell you the whole plan.' 
It wasn't fair, he would leave his abusive father, but at a very high cost. What about his mother, couldn't she help him? Well Jake said she left when he was born. I felt so useless, I knew what was going on and there was nothing I could do. Everything I could do, Jake had already tried. 
'We get off here.' Jake changed the subject. 'Now we need walk, but it's not far.’
The night was getting colder, and I hadn't brought a coat. Since I got here, cold nights were rare.  
'Are you cold?' He asked.
'Just a...' Before I could finish the sentence, Jake took his coat and put it over my shoulder. 
'Oh.' I said. 'Aren't you going to get cold?' I asked 
'It’s okay, I’m fine.' He said. 
'Thank you, Jake.' I blushed. I hope he didn't realize the redness of my cheeks. 
'I can't leave a friend feeling cold.' He said. Yeah, a friend, I wouldn't be more than that. He was always calling me a friend. Still, he was the one I wanted… not Lucas. I made up my mind, I would break up with Lucas tomorrow. Just like Jake said, I needed to do what I wanted. 
After a little more than a half an hour, we reached the place where we each turned our ways
'Do you want me to walk you home?' Jake asked. 
'You don't need to.' I said. 'You are already tired.' 
'Really?' He asked again
'Sure.' I took Jakes coat and handed it to him. 
'No, give it back to me tomorrow.' He handed it back to me. 
'Okay, thank you for everything Jake.' I said. 
'Hey, I know you don't like when I talk about Lucas but, you should be with someone who treats you right.' He put his hand on my shoulder. 'You deserve much better.'
'Thank you.' I said. I was controlling myself not to say that I wanted him, even if I was still with Lucas. Well, tomorrow me Lucas and I would be done. I needed to do this.

I woke up next day with a weird feeling. I felt as if I was going to hand in a very important project that I had spent the whole year doing and that was putting a lot of pressure. I tried to understand it. The project was my relationship with Lucas and handing it in meant breaking up with him. I was kind of nervous to see his reaction, but I knew it was the right thing to do. 
I skipped breakfast, I was too nervous to eat.  Mixed feelings of happiness and anxiety filled my veins as I got to school. I was wearing Jakes coat, it made me feel more confident and safe. I was going to give it back before I saw Lucas, but I stumbled into him as I was heading to Jakes locker. 
'Hey.' He smiled. 'I need to talk to you.' 
'If you're going to apologize about yesterday, don't even start it.' I muttered.
'Why would I apologize about yesterday?' He asked. 'Is this Jakes jacket?' He pointed.
'Yes, I borrowed it from him, after you left me for a party.' I said angrily.
'And are you wearing it to make me jealous?' He asked.
'No, I'm wearing so I wouldn't forget to give it back.' I explained. 
'You’re dating me, but come to school wearing another man’s jacket.’ He lifted and eyebrow. He looked angry.
'Lucas.' I took a deep breath; my hands were shaking a little. ‘I think this isn't working anymore.' 
'What isn't working?' He asked. 
'Us.' I said softly.
'This is what I wanted to talk about, let's go out tonight to talk about us and figure out what we both want.' He said. 'I don't want to discuss this here. I would hate for us to be the topic of gossip.' 
'Okay.' I said, but I was pretty sure of what I wanted. But he was right, if we broke up now and here everyone would be talking about us and Rebecca wouldn't leave me alone. What are a few more hours for someone who wanted to do this for a while already?