➤ Final Month | complete

ー🎓Day 272

May 18, 2022
10:29 pm

Dear Reader,

So, we had our uh... defense today? And it didn't go well, at all, my anxiety spiked up because we were the first to present and I forced myself to answer the first question thrown to us by one of our 3 panelists

My hands were shaking as I tried to keep my voice confident but failing undoubtedly, I would blank out and make awkward pauses between words while finding something to continue it with

I am and will never be able to prepare for a research defense, ever. Its already bad that my social anxiety doesn't help, what more if I put the spotlight on myself

I've always been in the shadows, whether it be my brother, my friends or my classmates, I will always be behind them, cowering in the dark

I never want to stand out so much, I guess it came from being bullied for so long, my self-esteem just went out the window

And my parents aren't even helping so its just not existing anymore, every time I try building up my confidence, my parents would be there to just ruin it back down

I don't see a need to build up something that they'll easily tear apart. Enough of that, I also managed to finish the rest of my assignments so I'm just waiting for new ones to pop out of my canvas dashboard

Also, tonight is my last dose of the post-operation prescription medicines, and yes, I already took it. This day marks 1 week of me being admitted to the hospital, cause I was admitted last week Wednesday

Anyway, that's about it! Good night/good evening/good morning/good afternoon, my dear Galaxies!

-Signed by,
Moon / Elisa🌙
10:36 pm

PS. I ate piattos but its not like mom would find out anyway :>