A cold inquisitor

Spilling

He had made sure she kept her word. She wouldn't be able to run off again or go right back to ignoring him, not that she wanted to anymore mind you.  She wouldn't so much as even think about it, instead she was willingly let him pull her back to her feet again, before holding on firmly to one of her hands and continuing to pull her with him. Her tears had run dry, using her own sleeve to wipe off her cheeks of the drying residue. " Let's go have a talk, somewhere less depressing. If someone were to see us, they would think i brought you down here to try out all this torture equipment eh?" He said jokingly, looking up at her with a soft expression on his face. A slight smile pulling at his lips. Even with the mood as it was, she still found herself unable to resist his little attempt to lighten it, smiling as she chuckled. " Wouldn't that be something, a surprising feat if you could reach half the levers attached to this freaky shit." She joked right back, earning a roll of his eyes and a pick up of their pace. 

People watched them come out, hand in hand, but none actually dared to ask them what they had been up to or why they were in the dungeon to begin with, muttering to themselves and other ears beside them, wondering what the supposed " Harold of Andraste" was doing with the dwarf.  

She did feel their eyes on them, she did feel their curiosity and the position she was in made her feel vulnerable, exposed, as if she had openly exploited herself to them. It was the first time she made a show that didn't involve sealing a rift or act like some arrogant ass who wanted to be left alone. Varric on the other hand didn't seem to care, it was like he didn't see the eyes on them, right up until they were out and back in the safety and privacy of his own tent. 

His tent was simple on the inside.  A soft and messy bedroll, beside a lamp and a stack of paper. Beside it a few bottles of ink and a handful of quills to choose from. Bianca, His crossbow even had her own pillow, where she had clearly been placed with care as if the weapon was a living person he wanted comfortable. He haphazardly tried to smooth out the covers on his bedroll before having a seat and motioning her to follow suit. 

" I suppose its time for me to make up for my actions, try to give reason as opposed to excuse behind them. Frankly, I don't know a simple way to say as much. Best I try and give what I can." She said, sighing as she sat down beside him, getting comfortable while she tried to collect her thoughts, find her composure and try to conceal her splintered image.  

" Well, I'm usually the one talking off your ear, i can handle being on the other side of that." He said, placing his hand over hers, where it rested on her knee.  

" For starters, I'm certain I don't have to ask you if you know what happens to mages in the mages circle, let alone how they wind up in one, do i?" He shook his head, " I'm aware to a degree. Iv met a handful by now, most seem to  have similar stories. " She nodded her head, already feeling a little weighed down now, it was like tacking on all those old chains thinking to the very beginning after having them locked away in the deepest crevices of her mind. 

" I'm no different, no more special than most. In the Trevelyan house, mages were rare blights to the family blood line. They were like permanate smudges on a pristine marble floor to them. Any and all were shipped off as soon as possible and any family connection is severed. However, i didn't learn about this until much later, when i could overhear some Chantry guards talking about noble families. I, stopped snooping afterwards.."

This was an awkward start to her as she had given him her full attention before, now here he was, listening to her all the same. She wasn't used to it, it felt like he was listening more so than simply trying to see if she would attempt to pull something.  She kept her eyes to the floor, looking around as she continued. 

 " When I was young, my abilities began to flare. Quiet literally, I remember charring my new doll in the palm of my hand. .. I tried to hide it, but eventually my parents found out. I Guess I was burning everything or maybe I didn't clean up the ashes properly after..  When I left, my father looked so cold. My mother didn't acknowledge me.  I spent the first year waiting for them to take me back, waiting for them to send a letter, a word, something.  It took a year before i realized i was essentially abandoned, on top of being unwillingly kidnaped. How's that for a nine year old's psyche?"  

 She asked, through out most of it she was level toned, keeping herself in check as she recounted what she could remember. But near towards the end, it was hard. There was a slight crack to her voice and she stopped herself to take a breath, clear her throat, and continue. 

Varric all the while looking concerned, but keeping his mouth shut so she could further her tale. Encouraging her with a squeeze of his hand and a slight nod of his head. 

" As I took to my studies after, I became a natural prodigy. I found most of my success behind the destruction school of fire. I was so angry, I think that is what it truly was, It had nothing to do with being adept as much as it was me simply being allowed moments to lash out. The older I got, the better I became. Flames grew hotter, I could singe everything in a group, my flames scared many and burned everything it touched. I felt pride, being able to claim the destruction as my own. An extension of who I became.  Everything became more direct, including the direction and number of eyes that had started watching me more closely. People were afraid of me. The Chantry was afraid of me. I both loved it and hated it at the same time. Loved it because it reflected on my capability, hated it because it was suffocating me to be watched."   

She was at the end, looking further away from him, which he took to stopping. His hand moving from hers to her face, pulling her gently to make her look at him. 

" I, I took the chance to flee and I haven't regretted it since. I would have died had I stayed, and if not for a damned mark, I would have been halfway across Fereldon long by now. Varric, the point is everyone leaves when there is something they don't like in front of them. I wanted to make sure that wouldn't happen again. " 

She was a terrible story teller, she really would have left it up to Varric if she could, felt as though her words were boring and pathedic, sounding like a long winded excuse than the explanation she was trying to speak out. However, Varric having listened patiently leaned up and pressed a chaste kiss to her lips, before pressing his temple to hers. 

" Abandonment issues, on top of your little superiority complex.. heh, suppose you take the trophy for having faults, right? " He spoke softly, having no malice in his voice and rather speaking with understanding laced in his tone. " But, I get it. I can understand the self defense, fleeing when things get hard or uncertain. We all like to think its a selfish part of ourselves, to want to keep ourselves safe, so we don't feel guilty about those we left in the dust.." 

She could swear she felt her shoulders lose an invisible weight, she turned her head enough to kiss the rough gloved palm against her cheek. A stocky, muscular arm found its way to snake around her waist and she let him pull her in close against him. He was a warm, comforting and surprisingly, an understanding support. 

" Ah, there we go. Lovely flowers like you shouldn't wilt, I think you just need proof not everyone will leave, that I won't leave.." He looked right into her eyes, and she wondered for a second where he wanted to take this. " If you'll let me, that is." The slight squeeze of now both hands as they moved to hold her hips, slightly bunching up the fabric of her clothes. 

She hesitated a moment, wondering to herself if this is what she wanted, needed, before nodding her head. 

" Please."