Journals - Muke

6.2

it's been 6 hours since harry went out. i tried calling his number and all i've gotten was his jolly voicemail.

"hi! you've reached har-"
"hazza!"
"louis! babe! haha well leave me a message, i'll try to respond, have a nice day."

i sighed as i left the 60th voicemail, then shrugged on my coat and shoes, and out the door.

i walked around the city, looking for a place where harry would be, but it's harry, he would go to place least expected so he wouldn't be found.

i walked into a bar and looked around until i spotted a head full of curls drinking his guts out.

"michael! join me lad, i'm on my.. fifth round?" harry slurred and i mentally facepalmed at the guy.

"come on harry, let's go home now." i put my arm around his shoulder and brought him up to his feet. he wrapped his arm around me and drank another shot, "woo!" harry shouted while i cringed.

i left the amount of money he owed on the table and dragged harry out. i sat him down on the floor and pulled out my phone, quickly dialing luke's number.

"hey.. can you pick up harry and i? we're infront of a bar, and he's completely wasted." i nodded and shut off my phone after luke agreeing. i looked behind me and saw harry trying his best not to cry.

"oh, harry, what's wrong?" i sat next to him and watched as he looked at me with sad eyes. he brushed the hair out of face and tucked it behind his ear, then wiped his eyes.

"this is so unfair, everyone gets to have their love right next to them while i have nobody because my husband is dead! dead, as in he isn't with us!" harry yelled loudly, getting the attention of others.

"har-"

"and that's not even the worse part! i have to sleep in the room where i spent most of my time with him and i can always picture him walking around the room like he used to! i can't have one day where i see louis doing something louis would do! i always wake up to the feeling of louis next to me, but when i look theres no one and it just reminds me that he's gone, michael, gone." harry spatted and got up when luke's car pulled up. he furiously climbed into the back seat while luke stared at me. i gave him a shrug and jumped in the back, feeling harry's gaze on me.

"why were you guys at a bar?" luke coughed out quietly.

"harry didn't come back after supposedly grocery shopping." i muttered while harry looked out the window. he watched everything outside the window, how the leaves on the trees move as the wind blows through them, how the kids are so happy, how the kids don't know what they'll expect in the future.

harry pressed his forehead against the window and broke down into tears. i looked over and saw tears streaming down his face and unbuckled myself.

"come here harry." i opened my arms and he fell into them, breaking into sobs whole i held him. luke tried not to stare, but i knew he was anyway.

"i don't want to live anymore! nothings okay without louis, i want him back." harry cried roughly into my shoulder while i rubbed his back. "don't say that harry.. you don't know what you'll be missing." harry sobbed loudly and luke quietly drove back to our house with a sad look.

i stroked harry's hair while he screamed at himself. "i should have seen this coming! i took the time i had with him for granted." harry said with tears still spilling down his face. "i hate myself, i hate myself so bad!" he wiped his tears but was soon crying all over again. i hugged him tightly and kept whispering it was okay.

we finally reached it to the house when harry was beginning to calm down. i led him into the house and laid him down on his bed. i took off his shoes and tucked him in, then went into the living room to meet with luke.

"i honestly don't know what i'll do next time he leaves. he might never come back.." i sighed and hugged luke tightly. he stroked my hair and i tried my best not to cry.

everything was breaking down, and i'm not sure if i can fix it.