Without You

1.

If life had taught Meredith Grey anything, it was that nothing was forever. In the end it would all be taken away from her, even in the blink of an eye.

"Meredith." She felt someone shake her shoulder, trying to force her out of her blank and empty stare but with little success. "Meredith!"

"What..." she said as their intense voice made her jump. "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry." Alex smiled softly. "Can I get you anything?"

"No, I'm fine. Thanks." She forced a smile as she turned back to the now empty space in front of her. "I just need a minute, to say goodbye..." tears formed in her eyes before slowly running down her face, staining her cheeks even more.

"I'll wait for you in the car." He reached over, squeezing her shoulder as she nodded her head in response, not able to speak another word in fear that she would completely break down.

It took her a while to even be able to move, her body aching from losing the love of her life. No one told her how overwhelming it would be processing her emotions, she just wanted it all to be over and to be back in his arms. But she would never get the chance to ever again.

Pushing herself out of her chair, she carefully and slowly walked over to the hole in the ground that now contained her whole world, the single white flower clutched tightly in her hand.

"I finally got rid of that crappy jeep, you was right, it did break down on me." She said as she reached up to wipe her tears. "You would have laughed when it happened, I probably would have laughed with you but...you're not here anymore..." she gasped but could no longer control her sobs.

"We was meant to have a lifetime together, have children and grow old, then die in each other's arms at 110 years old." She cried as she felt her legs starting to go weak. "Why did it have to be you, I just want you to come home, please." She begged but knew it was beyond useless.

At this point she was no longer able to keep standing up, as her body gave out, sending her crumbling to the floor. It was at this point she felt a pair of arms wrap around her tight, holding her close to their chest.

"It's ok, I've got you." Alex whispered in her ear, as his own tears started to form in his own eyes at seeing his best friend so broken and the loss of one of his close friends.

"I just want him back, this isn't fair." Meredith exclaimed as she began hitting her hands into Alex's chest.

"I know, just get it all out." Alex allowed her to carry on knowing that had been bottling it up for too long now and just needed to get it all out. "Come on, I'm taking you home."

"Wait." Meredith took a deep breath in before moving out of Alex's arms. "I love you Derek." She whispered before slowly releasing the flower out of her hand, watching as it floated down before landing down on his coffin. "I can't go home, it's too quiet there...I don't want to be alone. It doesn't feel like home anymore, not now that Derek is gone..."

"You can come and stay at mine and Jo's." Alex said as he stepped next to Meredith, his hands buried deep into his pockets. "We've already got you a bed set up and you can stay for as long as you need."

"Thank you Alex." Meredith knew she should give Alex the decency of looking at him but she couldn't take her eyes off the flower. It had it all real, he was really gone.

It was never meant to be like this, they were meant to have a long and happy life together. They were going to have 3 chatty children, with his perfect hair and her infectious giggle. But now Meredith Grey was a widow at just 32 years old.