Without You

10.

5 years later...

It had been 5 years since Meredith's life had changed forever. 5 years since she last saw his smile and the last time she was wrapped in his arms. Everything she had ever known had been complete ripped away from her.

At times she didn't think she would ever be able to get out of bed again but she had Theo to thank for saving her life. From the minute he was born, he had been a bundle of joy, giving Meredith every reason to keep on fighting.

"Mommy, where we going?" Theo asked from the backseat as he played with his toy car.

"We're going to visit daddy and then nanny Carolyn has invited us for lunch." She looked up quickly into the mirror and smiled at him. "Aunt Amy is going to be there."

"Yes." Theo cheered quietly before swinging his legs gently.

If there was one thing Meredith had learned about herself over the last 5 years, was that she was an incredible mother. From the minute he was born, he had been her first priority, nothing or no one mattered more than he sons happiness.

"We are here." She sighed as she gripped the steering wheel tight in her hands. "Come on Theo."

Climbing out of the car, she moved round and unbuckled Theo from his seat, lowering him to the floor before moving to grab the fresh bunch of flowers and photo frame that she would place on Derek's grave.

"Mommy hand." Theo reached up and stretched out his smaller hand for Meredith's, his baby blue eyes sparkling as he smiled up her, a loose curl falling in front of his face.

They made a short walk over to Derek's grave, before Theo let go of her hand and ran over to Derek's grave.

"Hi daddy." He cheered happily as he turned and waited for Meredith to join him. "Mommy can I show daddy my new car?"

"Go ahead." She crouched down and kissed the young boy on the head, listening as Theo enthusiastically spoke about his new toy car as she reached out and started tidying up Derek's grave.

"Hey Derek." Meredith smiled as she moved to sit on the floor, placing the flowers down. "Sorry I haven't been for a while, things have been a little crazy recently." She giggled slightly to herself before Theo moved to sit in her lap.

"Amelia had her baby, a little girl. She's absolutely beautiful, you'd be so proud of her." She brushed Theo's hair back and cuddled him into her chest as he closed his eyes. "I really miss you Derek, so much. I wish you was here to see our little boy grow up, he's incredible. He's exactly like you." She laughed as she listened to Theo snore gently.

"Apart from the snoring that's all me." She smiled as she leaned down to kiss the top of his head. "But apart from that, he is all you. Even has the same crazy obsession with ferry boats, that much we have to go on them a couple of times a week. But I don't mind, it makes me feel closer to you."

She sighed deeply before just sitting there in silence, holding Theo tight to her as she moved to place the photo frame on the grave. It was a photo of Meredith and Theo on a ferry boat, huge smiles on their faces as they looked at each other. It might seem silly to everyone else, putting photos out here but she liked to think that was keeping Derek up to date. She had always done it, even when she was pregnant with Theo.