Without You

3.

All Meredith wanted to do was run. She wanted to run away and be somewhere where no one knew who she was, no one looking at her like she was going to break and more importantly be somewhere where she would be able to breathe again.

Everywhere she went, she was reminded of Derek. Their home, the hospital, the woods but more importantly the trailer that sat on their land. It was their safe place, the place they would come to just be alone. So this is where she felt the closest to Derek, where she could come and talk to him without anyone staring at her.

Taking a deep breath in, she pulled herself up to the car and headed up to the trailer. She slowly climbed up the stairs, running her hands over his chair, finding his walking boots still sitting outside the door. The tears had already started to form as she placed her hand on the handle and slowly pulled it open.

It was exactly how they had left it. His coat was hanging up to the side of the door, a bottle of his favourite cologne sat on the dining room table but more importantly one of his shirts was folded up neatly on the table. Reaching out, Meredith grabbed the shirt and slipped it on, pulling up and finding that it still smelt like him.

His scent comforted her more then she could ever imagine but she knew it would stay forever. One day she would wake up and it would be gone, forever. Pulling the shirt tightly around herself, she moved into the bedroom and climbed into the bed, immediately clutching his pillow close to her chest.

For the first time in weeks, Meredith allowed her body to relax and the exhaustion took over as she finally fell into a deep sleep. She never thought she would have to learn to sleep without him but she realised that it was the new reality she was going to have to deal with.

When she finally woke back up, she slowly sat up, slightly disoriented as she allowed her eyes to adjust to everything around her. She hated how empty it seemed now, usually Derek would have been stood in the kitchen, whistling along to the radio as he cooked up the fish he had caught earlier on.

She smiled at the memories she had with him but hated that he wouldn't be here to create anymore. That he wouldn't be here to meet their baby that had both desperately wanted.

Finding out she was pregnant was one of the hardest things she had to do because she had to it alone. He should have been there, holding her hand as the waited for the minutes to go by to find out if she was pregnant.

Reaching over, she grabbed the photo from Derek's table, smiling as she looked down at it. It was a photo from the night they had got engaged, Meredith was smiling at the camera with her hand resting against as his chest as Derek looked on at Meredith lovingly. Tears filled her eyes as she smiled at the photo before reaching up to run her fingers over his face, longing to be able to touch or even see him again.

"We finally did it Derek." She said softly as her finger continued to trace the photo. "We are having a baby..." she choked back a sob as she reached up to dry her eyes.

"You're going to be a daddy. I will tell our baby everyday about how much you loved them and all our memories, about how in love we were." She clutched the photo to her chest before moving to lie down again. "I miss you so much."

She sobbed until her body became to exhausted to even stay awake anymore. Meredith loved this baby more than she could describe because it was the last little piece of Derek she had left. His memory would live on and she would never be alone again. That was her biggest fear, being alone.

But now she had their baby and it gave her a reason to go on, to fight. Before finding out she was pregnant, she was ready to just give up as she didn't see life getting any better once Derek was gone. This baby had saved her, this was her chance to start a new life, a life without Derek.

She was going to make sure this baby had the best possible life, surrounded by nothing but love and happiness.