Without You

5.

The days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months. Life was really flying by and that meant that Meredith was getting closer and closer to meeting her baby. She had just reached 20 weeks, meaning she was half way through this pregnancy. Everyday she loved seeing how her body was changing and seeing her stomach was grow.

It had taken her a long few weeks to finally go back home, but she knew with a baby on the way, she couldn't keep relying on other people so she finally went home. But it still didn't feel like home, especially without Derek.

"So baby, this is going to be your room." Meredith spoke gently to her stomach, her hands running lovingly over it as she walked into the nursery. "You're going to love it, when it's finally done." She sighed as she looked at all the furniture in its boxes and the bare walls.

Turning round, she shut the door to the nursery and headed for the stairs but stopped in a panic when she felt a flutter through her stomach.

"No, no, no." Meredith gasped, automatically thinking the worst.

"Meredith dear, are you home?" Carolyn shouted as she let herself into Meredith's home.

"Mom." Meredith cried, watching as Carolyn turned to face her, immediately dropping her bags and moving up the stairs to be at Meredith's side.

"What is it? What's wrong? Is it the baby?" Carolyn asked, watching as Meredith nodded.

"I felt a flutter, I got too comfortable and the world is smacking me down again." Meredith said as she clung onto Carolyn's arm. "Mom, I can't lose this baby."

"It's ok, just breathe for me, nice, big deep breaths." Carolyn said, breathing in time with Meredith. "That's it, here, can I?" She nodded towards Meredith's bump.

Meredith nodded her head and watched as Carolyn placed her hands on her bump, moving them around before smiling up at Meredith with a huge smile on her face.

"Meredith, what you felt, that's your baby kicking." Carolyn said softly as she watched Meredith sigh with relief. "Incredible isn't it?"

"I mean now I know what is." Meredith laughed. "My baby is kicking." The said as her eyes now shined with happy tears.

"They are indeed. Just some powerful kicks already." Carolyn smiled as she finally took her hands off of Meredith's stomach. "I'm about to do some lunch, would you like some?"

"Yes, but I think I'm going to visit Derek first, tell him about the baby." Meredith said as she kept her hand glued to her stomach.

"You carry on dear, I'll have it ready for when you're back." Carolyn squeezed her shoulder before heading down the stairs.

"Thanks mom. For everything." Meredith smiled as she watched Carolyn smile over her shoulder before heading into the kitchen.

Meredith slowly headed the stairs, grabbing her coat before heading down to her car. Climbing in, she looked in the mirror, smiling as she saw the fitted car seat which Alex had sorted for her a few days ago. It wouldn't be long until she would be bringing her baby home.

It was a short drive to the graveyard as she parked her car and slowly pulled herself out. Even though she would never get used to coming here to speak to Derek, it was getting easier to do. Slipping her hands in her pocket, she pulled her coat tight around herself as she approached his grave.

"Hey Derek." She said as she crouched down and ran her hands over his head stone. "Sorry I haven't been for a few days, your baby has been taking over my body." She laughed as she brushed some leaves out of the way and arranged some of the things, including the framed sonogram before settling herself down on the ground.

"The baby kicked today, well I mean I finally felt it today but of course I panicked and thought the worst. But mom was there, as always." She smiled when she thought about Carolyn. "She's been amazing Der, I don't know if I would have coped without her, I really don't know how she does it."

She sat in silence for a bit, admiring the colours of the sky and the sound of the birds singing as the wind blew gently through her hair. It was the perfect day.

"You know mom thinks the baby is a girl but I think it's a boy. We always wanted a boy first, so he could protect his younger sisters." She smiled sadly when she realised she wouldn't get the chance to be pregnant again. This was it for her. "But I'll be happy with a boy or a girl, as long as they're healthy, I'm happy." She smiled.

She sat there for a bit longer before it started getting unbearable for her, it wouldn't be long until she wouldn't be able to do this so she was going to savour every minute that she could.

"I best get going before mom starts to worry." Meredith pressed her lips to her fingers before pressing it against the gravestone. "Bye Derek, I love you."

When she first started visiting him, she never left without crying but now she was getting better. Of course, she still found it difficult but everyday she coming to terms with it all and at least she had their baby on the way.

Driving home, she took her time, driving the long way home and past the ferry boats. The ferry bots would always hold a special place in her heart. Pulling into her drive, she climbed out of the car and into the house, kicking her shoes off immediately.

"Hey mom." Meredith said as she walked into the kitchen. "Will you come with me for next appointment? Dr Deluca said she might be able to tell me whether it's a boy or a girl and I don't want to be alone for that."

"I would love to dear." Carolyn smiled as she wiped her hands on her apron. "Thank you."

"No thank you mom for everything." Meredith smiled back as Carolyn walked over to her and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

Growing up, all Meredith had wanted was a relationship with her mother but her work was more important. So when she met Carolyn, she immediately loved the woman for taking her in and treating her like one of her own.

She finally got the mother, daughter relationship she had always craved as a little girl and was forever grateful for Derek and his family for giving her that.