Without You

9.

Everything around her was dark. Her body was limp and she couldn't moved but she could hear voices around her. Carolyn's voice. She sounded scared, terrified even.

"Meredith, the ambulance is coming, I just need you to stay with me." Carolyn cried as she reached out and ran her hands over her hair. "Alex, grab her bag. It's upstairs in the nursery."

She didn't get why everyone was so scared. But then she remembered the blood. The baby.

Forcing her eyes open, she looked at Carolyn, her eyes glazed over as they adjusted to the light.

"Meredith dear." Carolyn cupped Meredith's face in her hands and looked into her eyes. "Do you hear that, that's the ambulance. You just need to stay with me for that little bit longer. Just thinking about holding your baby boy in your arms."

But it was no good, as soon as Meredith had opened her eyes, she had closed them again. She saw his face again, flashbacks from the first time they had met, to their wedding day, it was all coming back to her. All the memories they had shared together, how they had grown together.

"Derek." She whispered and opened her eyes again to find herself in an ambulance. "Derek, where's Derek?"

"We need to get her to the hospital now, she's still losing a lot of blood." The paramedic said to the driver as Carolyn moved to grab her hand.

"I'm here Meredith, you're not alone." She squeezed her hand tight as tears pooled in her eyes, her heart breaking to see Meredith this way.

"I want Derek." She said softly before falling into another unconscious state.

"Who's Derek?" The paramedic turned and asked Carolyn.

"My son, her husband." Carolyn said as she reached up and wiped the tears off her face. "He died...8 months ago..."

"I'm so sorry to hear that." The young paramedic smiled softly before turning their attention back to Meredith.

"Is going to be ok? We need to her to be ok and the baby, we can't go through losing them as well." Carolyn asked, fearing the answer she was going to receive.

"We are going to do our absolutely best to make sure Meredith and the baby survive. She has the best team of doctors waiting for her." The paramedic nodded as the pulled into the hospital.

Carolyn was frozen to her seat as she watched them whisk Meredith away, disappearing behind the sliding doors. The blood still staining her hands as she looked down at them aimlessly, an empty look in her eyes.

"Carolyn." She jumped slightly when she heard Alex calling her name, his hand stretched out to her as he waited to help her out of the ambulance. "Come on, we should get you cleaned up and then we can wait together." He smiled at her.

Reaching out, she gently placed her hand in his before climbing out of the ambulance, her arms immediately wrapping around herself.

"I can't lose them Alex." She said softly before allowing him to wrap his arm around her shoulder and pull her into his side.

"Me either." He said softly as he looked up, desperate to keep their tears from falling.

He didn't know what he would do, what any of them would do, if they were to lose Meredith. She played such a big role in so many peoples lives and really was the backbone of this hospital. But all they could do was wait. Wait and just hope and pray that they made it to her in time.

***************

Meredith had been in the OR more times then she could remember but never as a patient. She was always the one in control but this time she had to rely on her colleagues to save her life.

"Save the baby." She said as she reached her arm out and grabbed the first person she could find, her body to weak to stay awake for too long.

"Meredith, we are going to save both of you." Arizona said as she stepped into Meredith's line of vision.

"If...if it comes to it...save the baby..." Meredith said as she swallowed, her voice on the edge of breaking as her eyes filled with tears. "Save the baby, just save him."

There were her last words as the mask was placed on her face and she closed her eyes. Nothing about Meredith's life had ever been simple but she had always come through the other side but this time didn't know if she could. Her body was too week. Too tired.

But there he was, smiling widely at her, his blues sparkling at her the same way they used to. It was a sign. A sign for her not to give up, to keep fighting because at the end of the day their little boy needed his mother. He was already having to grow up without his father so she had to keep there for him.

To see his first giggle, to see him taking his first steps and hearing him say his first word.

When she was finally able to open her eyes again, she found herself in a hospital room, the lights burning her eyes as they adjusted to the new found light.

"Meredith, thanks goodness you're awake." Carolyn gasped with joy as she moved from her chair and cupped her face in her hands. "I'm so happy you're alive."

"The baby." Meredith asked in a panic as her hands touched her now flat abdomen. "Where is he? Where's my son?" She looked round in a panic before Carolyn placed her hands on her shoulders and pushed her down gently back onto the bed.

"He's right here." Carolyn pointed, making Meredith turn her head to find her son sleeping peacefully in his bed. "Would you like to meet him? He's been waiting for his mommy to wake up."

Meredith nodded as tears started to form in her eyes but this time they were tears of happiness. She had survived. They had both survived.

"Here you go." Carolyn turned and gently placed the sleeping baby down into Meredith's arms.

"Hi little man." Meredith smiled before reaching out to run her finger over his cheek softly. "I'm your mommy, I've so happy you're finally here. You're daddy would have loved you so much." Meredith whispered as she choked back the tears, unable to take her eyes off her son.

He was everything and more than she had ever imagined but more importantly, he was Derek's double. From the eyes, to the dimple in his chin, the soft brown hair on the top of his head and even down to the slightly crooked nose.

It was exactly how she had pictured their son would look.

"He's perfect." Meredith whispered before finally turning to look at Carolyn, tears in both of their eyes.

"He is." Carolyn smiled before leaning down to kiss the top of her head. "I'm so proud of you."

Meredith nodded her head before looking back down at her son.

"I love you so much Theo Derek Shepherd." She leaned down and gently pressed her lips to the top of his head. "Thank you for saving me." She whispered in his ear.

She really thought she had lost it all, that she would never have the opportunity to be a mother. But luck had been on her side this time and now she would get to have a life, with her little boy by her side.