The Light That Rid My Darkness

three

Our eyes met and I looked away in an instant. That was one of the few things that made me realize how limited I was towards others. I could never look a person in their eyes no matter how long I'd known them. Or at least the people I'd thought I known. It seemed so easy for everyone else, but for me I couldn't meet those standards at all whatsoever.

"Zilah..." My name came off of his full lips so smoothly. When he said my name it made me feel like a completely different person. It made me feel better about myself for some reason. Which was pretty damn weird. Because I barely knew this fucker. He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry, did I say it wrong or..."

I looked up at him again, trying to ignore eye contact.

"N—no. You said it right."

"So do we just stand here," he chuckled, "or do we try to find a solution to get the lost pretty girl back to where she fucking belongs?"

I didn't answer, still trying to process this situation.

"Or maybe you just have a thrill of knowing what happens to pretty girls like you around this shitty place. Y'know? Where the thieves, burglars, thugs, perverts..." He paused and looked me up and down before he said the last few words. " and gangs hang around."

"Um...I'm perfectly fine on my own. I'll be on my way." I couldn't tell whether or not him calling me pretty was true or facetious due to his gestures. I decided to figure out this situation on my own, as I always would.

That's right. No one would care about a useless 20 year old like me. Look at my life, I work at a bookstore 24/7 to block out the reality of my boring ass life. Why would someone like him have any sort of interest in me anyway.

"Hmm...bullshit. Now why would I let alice in the wonderland wonder off by herself even more? Plus, letting a young pretty one like you go off on your own in such a part of town like this? Fuck no."

How did he have the nerve to call me young when we were obviously near the same of age. He stared me down as he finished his statement waiting for a response from me.

"Well shit...you seem like one who doesn't talk very much. Why's that?" Why? The real question was why did he continue to be so worrisome about a nobody like me.

He seemed to get worried by my blank responses. Which weren't fucking there, because I wasn't responding.

"Oh! Do you got a disability or something, shit. My bad. Wait, you don't speak full English? No hablas ingles? That's all I fucking know in Spanish, I mean..."

He looked like a fucking dork as his hands weirdly went to his head. I crossed my arms and tapped a foot at him, knowing he was teasing me. His hands then went to his pocket, pulled out a cigarette, lit it, and took a puff. Still waiting for my response.

I decided to respond to him. "You know, you can stop calling me pretty so much. You and I both know it's a lie, so why use such words that don't describe me over and over." I said, as I pulled out my phone to look for directions to my apartment.

"What?" He looked at me in a disappointing way. He smirked nicely for some reason. "Z—Zilah, right?" I nodded yes. His face seemed worrisome towards me. "Zilah, you're fucking beautiful, and awesome. Well...maybe not awesome but you are pretty fucking sexy." He said this with a straight face and stepped towards me. He tilted my chin up with one of his long, cold fingers. "Don't doubt yourself, pretty thing. It'll only make life harder if you do such things."

It was silent after that.

"Thanks. Didn't mean to be such a bother to you. As I said before, I'll be on my way."

"Not gonna let that happen."

"Excuse me?"

"Come on tell me where you're going and I'll give you a boost so we both know you'll end up where you're supposed to be. I'm positive I know these streets way better than you, Zilah."

"And how are you so positive about that." I began to walk the opposite way from him. Of course he followed after me.

"I mean does it fucking matter?" He said as he caught up to me with those long legs.

"No, not anymore. Because I'm on my way now."

He scoffed and came to a stop.

As I was walking I didn't see a damn thing that was familiar. And I then realized why he was scoffing. Because he knew that I would be confused on as to where I was going. I was basically more dumbass than this dumbass right now.

I stopped and turned around, seeing his tall figure standing there waiting for me with the cigarette still in his mouth.

"So?"

"How do you know these streets, if I may ask?"

"Well...I might kind of be in a...like...gang. But it really doesn't matter. Let's just get you home." I could tell he quickly wanted to push that topic aside. I don't think it was because he was ashamed, but more because he didn't really care about that right now.

A gang. It wasn't really surprising, we were in fucking New York. No Bev?

Of course he'd have no interest in a girl like me if he were in a gang. Now I'd known for sure he'd been playing around with me for fun. I then knew the "pretty girl" talk was fake. I continued to walk with more pace. If I'd lost him right then and now, he wouldn't have to worry about me and my life would go back to normal without any new people in it.

"I'm Mah."

I stopped to turn around and look at him. His eyes seemed to brighten up when he saw my face towards him instead of my back. "It's not my full name, but that's what you can call me."

"Listen, Mah, you should go and worry about someone else far more important than me. I'm an adult just like you are, I should be able to find my way around here. I appreciate you being so generous towards me but," I paused suddenly. I accidentally looked into his eyes as I was speaking to him. He gazed at me as I was speaking, the gaze of a child looking at a toy they desired for, "but I guarantee in a few hours you'll forget about me. Okay? So just go on and use your time on something that's actually worth it."

A tear slid down my cheek. When did I begin to cry? Why did tears want to come out at a time like this? Me, crying in front of him, a gang member? How pussy could I look right now?

I thanked whatever god that was watching over me right now, because it was basically dark out. Meaning that Mah couldn't see my tears from the distance that we stood apart.

"Zilah, why you keeping talking yourself like ya' nothing?" His body walked closer to mines, bringing warmth at the right time. He reached out for my hand.

Why was a gang member like him so concerned? Better yet, why was he even so nice? As he grabbed my hand he said,

" As long as I'm around, I'll never allow you to self loath yourself again" He smiled that smile of his.

It might have seemed weird of him to being saying this because we'd just met. But I found nothing wrong with it. It was liked we'd already known each other for a while. My trust for him was regained so quickly.

My face moved on its own. My mouth formed a smile. I couldn't think of the last time I used this sort of expression without faking it.

"Northwood." I said to Mah.

"Huh."

"I live in Northwood apartments. Do you have any idea which direction that would be in?"

"So the flower has bloomed, huh?" Mah said this with an expression of happiness. Like something was lifted off of his chest. Or were those my feelings? I did feel different. My shoulders felt lighter. It'd felt like something had changed.

"The flower has bloomed? What an odd thing to say. So do you know which way I could be going it's getting late, you know."

"Oh yeah! Just follow me." He said, sounding like the damn koolaid man.