The Light That Rid My Darkness

twenty

We sat under a gazebo on a park bench and talked about the most random subjects anyone would ever think existed. He'd flip kids off whenever they tried to come up to us. Half of them knew him and would come wrestle with him anyway.

Mah of course talked more than I did. Partially I would zone out his voice, tilt my head to the side, and just admire him as a person.

The way he was a beauty to my eyes without having to make an effort always amazed me.

He was like a lava cake. Being so tough and all on the outside, but deep down he was as soft as a baby, as playful as a child. This caused me to fall for him even more.

I sat cross legged while Mah lay his head between my thighs and looked up at me as he spoke. He'd always look directly at me, every single time. Whether the situation was ass or not. He made me feel more and more human, every single time.

I looked into his eyes as he talked about another random subject. Right now they were the same dark green like the day I'd met him. As beautiful as ever every time I caught them.

I'd noticed that when Mah was at ease, his eyes were darker. When he felt overwhelmed, they were lighter. Funny how the smallest things stood out the most.

"What about you, Lah?" He asked as he took a sip of beer.

"What about me?"

"A kid? Which is better, a girl or boy."

"Well..." I ran a finger through one of his curls. "What do you think?"

"I'd say a girl...wanna know why?" I nodded. "The girls are more likely to look like the mother. The boys are more likely to look like the father. Having another face...like yours on this earth, would be like heaven. Especially one that I'd be lucky enough to call my child. A tiny you, that's awesome...fuck yeah. And then she'd..."

Mah continued talking about a child of ours. If I'd been talking about kids with someone else, it wouldn't feel as special as it did right now.

"And you would name her?"

"L—no. M—nah. Nalah. Yeah, that would be it. I wonder what it could mean."

"A light that rid darkness."

"You're one interesting woman, Lah." He moved my head closer to his and kissed me. I smiled down at him and looked out to the lake that was a few yards away. He looked towards the lake as he saw my attentiveness towards it. "Don't seem real, does it? It's fucking amazing...a symbolic representation of you Zilah."

This made me smile even more and I continued to run my fingers through his hair. Tears were coming. But nope, I wasn't going to turn into a bitch right now.

We sat there for more minutes, then hours. I couldn't tell at first. Then the sun began to set before us and the air began to cool down.

Mah stood up once it'd gotten cold. "Come on." He held out a hand. "Not about to let my girl freeze out here."

His girl.

"We can stay if you want. The breeze doesn't bother me much."

"We should go." He tried to shake off his anxiousness with a false laugh. There was a quiver in his tone.

I stood up and walked in front of him to look at his face. His face was shadowed from the park lights. From what I could see his eyes were back the way they'd been when I gained concern for him this morning. Only this time it had gotten worse.

His skin was turning from that smooth, pretty almond, to dark purple circles under and around his eyes. I moved my hand to his forehead.

I could have mistaken his skin for a piece of ice if I'd not been looking directly at him right now.

"Why so cold? Are you sick?"

"Let's go. Come on." He ignored my question and began to walk across the park grass. Instead of following him I stood there in hesitancy. He looked back and noticed my presence wasn't as close to him as he'd thought. "What?" He said with a spurious smile.

I said nothing in response as I peered at his features. He walked back towards me as he noticed my incertitude towards him.

"It's nothing. You're right, it is getting cold. Let's go." I didn't want to leave the park so rapidly, but if it was for Mah's sake it wouldn't at all be a trouble to me.

Something was wrong with him, he just wouldn't tell me.

If only I'd made a bigger deal of this presage maybe, just maybe...