Love me 'Til it Hurts

Chapter 24 - Show me Heaven.

Juliette Ackles...

If you were to ask me if I were nervous right now - my answer would be a resounding yes. But it wouldn't be for the reasons that you are assuming...well not entirely for the reasons that you are assuming. Yes, I am a tiny bit fearful that this is going to hurt, I have read enough to know that one's first time is rarely pain-free, especially for the woman. However, the bulk of my fear is that I am not going to be able to satisfy Jeremy.

I know that the man has been around the block more times than I have had hot dinners. I know that he is experienced enough that I can't help but wonder how a 20-year-old virgin is ever supposed to satisfy him.

I want to satisfy him. I want him to be blown away by me. And know in an instant that there is no one else on this planet who can make him feel completely sated. Don't get me wrong - we have done a lot of things together sexually, penetration is the final hurdle, so to speak, but I am terrified that he is going to end up saying, nope, it's not for me, I need a woman who can satisfy me.

How did I ever think that remaining untouched was a good idea?

What woman waits until she is 20-fucking-years old to have sex for the first time?

"You're giving off some tense vibes there, Duchess, care to share with the group?" Cal asked from his spot next to me in the car.

I don't quite know what he is playing at either because he is driving slower than a pothead driving past the cops.

God, I am so wound up that I am not entirely sure what to do with all this excess energy. It has been a long time since I have felt nerves like this. Am I going to let them talk me out of my plans? Hell, fucking no. I am going to do this. I need to do this. I want to do this. Even if Jeremy decides that he can't continue to be with me afterwards - he is the man I have always loved, always wanted to be my first.

And the fact that Cal has stepped aside and is allowing this to happen - if I ever doubted that he loved me before, this would have definitely changed my mind.

"Are you sure you are ok with this?" I asked him.

Out of all the thoughts running rampant through my mind right now - this was the one that I needed an answer to the most at this moment. I had to know that he was truly fine with it otherwise I am not entirely sure that I could even get past the nerves I am feeling about my inability to satisfy my first love.

"If I wasn't, I wouldn't be here, sweetheart!" Cal glanced across at me, "but I don't think that is what has you all tense-"

"What if I can't satisfy him, Cal?" The words flew from my mouth without thought. I hate this – I hate feeling so vulnerable and inexperienced. And I have no one to blame but myself.

"Well, that is just about the silliest thing you have ever said - that man loves you, way more than what is healthy and just one look from you satisfies him, Duchess!" He explained, finally turning on to the dirt track that would lead to the cabin, "there is nothing that he won't do for you, nothing, that type of love - that's rare baby-girl, and yet somehow, you have two men who feel that way about you," bringing those beautiful eyes back to me once again, "do not ever think that you can't satisfy us, because you devastate us just by being, Duchess, we are yours, mind, body and soul,"

Tears welled up in my eyes as I listened to the passion in his tone, the love in his words and the devotion in his eyes. This is a man who can literally spear you with words and he knows exactly how to talk me down from any panic that my mind seems intent on conjuring.

"You know that I wish I could have my first time with both of you?"

"I do, baby and I wish that too," he pulled the car up to the awning attached to the side of the cabin and killed the engine before turning to me, "but you need to know that I am good with how things are going to be. I love you and just want you to be happy and comfortable with your first time, I always knew that you and Jeremy were destined, I just - I guess at first, I thought that meant I would lose you, that you would pick him over me-"