Love me 'Til it Hurts

Chapter 36 - Since We're Making Demands...

An Hour Later...
Juliette Ackles...

We weren't getting anywhere. In fact, we were going round in circles, and it was frustrating the fuck out of me. Somehow amidst our yelling we had wound our way into the front room.

It was one of the rooms I loved the most about this house - large bay-like windows flooded the room with the morning sun, making the room feel warm and welcoming, even with the lack of colour on the walls. In a way I felt like maybe the lack of colour not only created the illusion of space but also helped to hold the heat in here. I find myself wondering what it would be like to spend winter nights curled up in here with my men.

My men. They are who I am fighting for right now. And I would fight to my very last breath in support of them, for the basic right to be with them and defend what it is we are sharing. There has never been a time where I have felt so completely sure of my feelings and wants.

I love them both and I will not apologize for that. Not to anyone, not even my brother.

Jensen was going to either get with the programme or he could step aside and stay out of my way. It is really that simple. Unfortunately, my brother is more stubborn than anyone else I have ever met, except for maybe me. It is with that knowledge that I just know we are at a stale-mate. I am not going to back down and I know he isn't going to back down which is why we are just going around in circles.

"Why can't you understand this?" I demanded lighting up a cigarette and inhaling deeply.

"Because this makes you look like-" he cut himself off from finishing what he was about to say but it was too late, I knew exactly what had been about to fly from his mouth.

"Like what?" I demanded, hands planted on my hips, glaring at him as he shook his head, "say it. Don't be a fucking pussy, you thought it, so say it!"

"It makes you look like a whore!"

Wow. Just wow. I took a step back as if he had just physically struck me because honestly, I think it would have been better had he actually struck me than have my own brother call me what I know is going to be a lot of people's reactions to what I am doing.

Don't get me wrong - I have always been aware of the fact that there will be people out there who simply cannot or will refuse to try and understand what I share with my men and that is ok, I understand that. I get that what we share isn't conventional and that isn't easy for some people to wrap their minds around but to have my own brother say those hateful words to me, well that was a whole different kettle of fish.

"Wow, slut-shaming, really?" I growled, literally growled my anger at him, my hurt dictating my words and movements, "and here I was under the impression that you were a feminist - seems like you are just like every other misogynist asshole out there. Tell me what does the world look like from that fucking throne Jay?"

"I am just telling you the truth, Jules. If you think me saying it is bad, then you won't-"

"Just stop!" I snapped angrily, "what you just said is only the tip of the iceberg of what is coming my way, I know that, and I accept it, I will handle it but what I can't handle is my own brother calling me a whore and if you cannot see the difference between the two then you are truly a bigger asshole than I gave you credit for!"

"He is my best friend, Jules!" He suddenly changed tactics once again.

From the moment that Jeremy, Cal, and Rayne had left, my brother has been pin-balling from one objection to another. I don't know if it is some sort of plan to keep me off kilter or if he really just can't decide which part of my story that he dislikes more.