Never Gonna Happen

18

Scooter holds onto me tighter and I cling onto him desperately. I feel pathetic, going to someone I knew hated me just for comfort.

He was a habit that I couldn't break, but he already broke his of me.

Scooter says something into the top of my head but I can hardly hear him over my crying. Once again, I feel pathetic.

Scooter moves slowly, keeping his hold on me but moving me into his room. I hear his door close as I take a second to try and start breathing again. I still haven't let go of Scooter, and his grip on me hasn't loosened.

"I'm sorry." I repeat.

Scooter shushes me, "Don't. Please." I breakdown even more, hardly breathing with how hard I'm crying. One of Scooter's hands moves to my first and separates me from his chest, he pulls me away and looks down at me. He uses his thumb to wipe away the tears running down my face, "You never cry."

I laugh weakly, "You just don't see me cry."

Scooter's face softens as he pulls me back to him and into him. The pressure of the hug relieves some of the tension in my body, "Do you want to sit down?"

I nod and Scooter lets go of me, I wipe my face but new tears quickly replace what I wiped away. I sit on the edge of his bed and Scooter sits next to me, I put my head on his shoulder and he quickly embraces me again. "I'm sorry I came here. I know you're mad at me. I just..." I sniffle and Scooter squeezes my arm.

"We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"No I...I just..." I try and calm myself down enough to speak the words that are flooding my brain. I breathe deeply and let out a shaky breath, "I hate my mom."

"Ah." It was a small reaction but it had more meaning than he expressed.

Scooter hated my mom; having witnessed a lot of fights between me and her, he already knew what she was like. Although he saw and heard a lot, he was hardly skimming the surface when it came to what she was really like.

"It was about me being gay again. She said something and I kind of just blew up on her."

"Want me to punch her?"

I smile, "Yeah."

I suddenly break away from him and stand up, facing him. "Oh, my god. I'm sorry. I should have gone to Mindy about this. I'm sorry, I don't know what I'm doing. God. Fuck. I'm so stupid." I wipe my face and then wipe my hands on my outfit.

"Can you shut up?" Scooter orders me.

I'm taken aback, "What?"

"What is with you, Jess?" Scooter stands up and I take a step back, "What the fuck is wrong with you coming to me? Seriously. I don't understand you."

I blink a couple times at him, "You hate me."

"When have I ever fucking said that?"

"Scooter...you hate me. I would hate me. God, I do hate me."

"Oh my god, shut up." Scooter runs a hand through his hair and shakes his head slightly, "How could I ever hate you?"

Scooter's face pleads with me and I start to feel my heart pound in my chest, "I fucked Owen. You got mad."

"Mad. Mad. There's a difference between anger and hatred. Oh god, Jess. I don't hate you. I can't."

I stare at him, I look back and forth between his eyes, struggling to find which one to look at and desperately wanting to break away from any eye contact at all anyways, "Scott. You, I mean, do you remember?"

"What?"

I hesitate, not wanting to repeat what he said to me nights ago, "You said that, um-"

"That I love you?" My chest tightens at his words, "Of course I remember that. I couldn't forget that. Ever." Scooter and I stare at each other. I want to cry again, for other reasons this time, "I remember a lot. I don't forget things, you know that. I remember you didn't say it back, you left me alone."

"Do you still mean it?" I ask, my words escaping my lips before my brain can register that I shouldn't ask.

Scooter's brows drop and his eyes scrunch, "Of course I do. I have wanted to say it since 6th fucking grade. Do you really think that a lousy argument is going to change how I feel?"

"Then why haven't you talked to me?"

"I told you I was in love with you and you didn't say it back. I thought you wanted space, so I gave it." He explains.

I chew on my lower lip, "I thought you hated me."

"Never."

"I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?"

"Everything? I slept with Owen. I pissed you off. I didn't say it back. I left you. I...I fucked up. Majorly."

Scooter smiles softly, "I might've overreacted. Yes, it did piss me off that you slept with Owen, but...you're your own person. I can't control you or your sex life. I don't think I had any right to react the way that I did."

"You were in love with me. You had a valid reaction. I won't hold it against you as long as you don't hold me sleeping with Owen against me."

"I won't." Scooter and I stand in silence and then he sits down on his bed and runs a hand through his hair. I take a step forward to sit next to him but I move my foot back to its original placement, "I don't expect you to say you love me too. That's not fair. It's a lot. Besides, I know how you feel about me and I'm not going to push anything onto you."

I almost laugh. And then I do, "You know how I feel about you? What, can you read my mind now?"Scooter looks up at me, confused. "Oh, you really are an idiot aren't you. I don't know if I'm in love with you. Truly I don't and I can't figure that out in minutes but my feelings towards you aren't necessarily platonic."

A smile plays at Scooter's lips but he quickly subdues it, "Really?" I nod and Scooter doesn't refrain from smiling this time, "Really?" The excitement races through his voice and I laugh again.

"I've never really taken you to be all that clueless."

"That makes me really happy."

I smile softly and move to sit next to him on his bed, "I know."

I put my head on his shoulder and I feel Scooter turn his head and kiss the top of my head, "Are you sure? Like, 100% positive?"

I lightly hit his chest, "Yes."

"Fuck yeah." Scooter whispers.

I laugh and pull my head up, "I think I should go back to my room."

I stand up and look at Scooter, he reaches his hand out and grabs mine, "Can you stay?"

I squeeze his hand, "I...I can't. Not tonight."

Scooter pushes his lips together and frowns slightly, "Ok..."

I squeeze his hand again and let go of it, walking to his door and opening it, "Good night, Scott."

"Good night." I walk out and close the door behind me, smiling as I walk away.

Fuck yeah.

A/N

Sorry I've taken forever to update. It's almost the end of my school year and I've had absolutely no motivation to write anything, much less do my final projects and/or study for my finals.

Forgive me lmao