Down on the Farm (mxm)

Eleven

Levi

I stared at my reflection in the bathroom after sliding into one of Porter's shirts. I could still feel his fingers on my body, how delicately he touched me and how respectful he was. That thought alone was making me tear up again as I held his shirt up to my nose. God I hoped his smell would never leave my mind, if I could have it as a candle I would. I definitely wasn't planning on sleeping with him, but I also wasn't planning on word vomiting and spilling my guts. In a way it made me super nervous because now I felt so open and vulnerable. He said he was okay with everything and it didn't freak him out, but what if it would one day? There were lots of what ifs running around in my head before pulling my boxers up.

My eyes felt really heavy as I walked back out into the bedroom, instantly looking towards the bed. Porter was sitting on the side in pajamas, wringing his fingers together. He looked so nervous it was making me nervous as I sat down next to him. His green eyes found mine as he smiled, making butterflies swarm into my stomach. Even though we just did the most intimate thing, every time he looked at me felt intimate. It felt like he could see right into my soul. Which was pretty terrifying.

"Having regrets?" I asked.

"What? No, why would you think that?"

I shrugged while saying, "Just figured."

"Levi, I don't have any regrets." His fingers were gently resting onto my face while giving me a look. "Don't fill your head with that okay? I'm not going to regret anything we do together, ever. I'm mainly just worried that you're thinking we rushed into being physical together. I should've taken things slower."

"If you haven't noticed I don't really like going slow, my patience is thin." A smile spread onto his face as his fingers ran over my cheeks. "I've wanted to touch you since I got here and now that I have, I'm not going to be able to stop."

"You can touch me any time you'd like darlin'," he said as his fingers slowly ran over my cheek. "And I wasn't joking Levi, I'm in this. I want you and more specifically I want you in Iowa." His fingers wound up in my hair as he brought our foreheads together.

Tears were suddenly stinging in my eyes as I pulled back to look into his eyes. "Are you sure this... me... doesn't bother you? I know you're saying you're okay with this but, I want to be certain."

"You have nothing to worry about Levi, please believe me." With that he pressed a kiss onto my forehead. "I'm not just going to instantly change my mind just because we slept together. I'm not an asshole."

"I know," I said while taking a shaky breath. "You just have one."

A loud laugh was filling the room as he pulled me in for a hug, my arms tightly wrapping around him. "You're so clever," he whispered against my hair.

Just being in his arms was making me feel so... seen. He was so open and accepting of what I told him, which most people wouldn't have been okay with. He already knew the most intimate thing about me, but I really wanted him to know truly everything. This way if he does end up thinking it's too much, at least I didn't keep any secrets. I was just hoping he wouldn't think I was too much, not after I fell for him. I'm not sure I could come back from that.

"I got a mastectomy," I nervously said. After taking one of his hands I gently placed it onto my breastbone, his fingers slowly running over my shirt. "Since my mom still thought what I was feeling was 'just a phase', she didn't agree with anything I wanted. So she kicked me off her insurance but since I didn't have a job I didn't have any. Thank god Wyatt helped me; I don't know what I would've done without him. He made really good money at his company and paid for it without a second thought."