In Our Favor

Ch.6

📍Dinner Hall
7:00pm

Finnick and I are the last to come down to the final feast, a dinner in the hotel with all of the tributes. I had to take a minute to get myself together before joining everyone else.

When we get off of the elevator, it's obvious where our place is. There's careers, anti rebellion, and then whatever our little group was.

Katniss, Peeta, Wiress, Beetee, Johanna, and Blight are at the very end of the table, secluded from the others.

Finnick and I walk shoulder to shoulder over there, feeling eyes on us from the other tributes. Finnick walks around to the other side with Blight, Peeta, and Katniss. And I sit in the empty seat between Johanna and Beetee.

I look at the plate to see a rotisserie ham, pheasant, mashed potatoes, flower shaped rolls, and green beans. Fattening us before we die I see. I pick up my fork and take a bite of my beans before zoning out and poking at my mashed potatoes.

"So how are we feeling?" Peeta clears his throat before speaking up.

"Like shit." Johanna snaps back.

"Nervous." I almost whisper, my fork shaking in my hand whenever I think about the games.

Everyone else stays silent. The fact that anyone thought it would be a good idea to put people, who are going to all kill each other in 24 hours, in a room together, genuinely astounds me. I know we're supposed to be savages, creating a "killers arena." But that's not what we are. At least not my allies. I can't look in these people faces without being reminded what's going to happen to them, possibly at my hands.

Beetee abruptly stands up and gets ready to walk away. Relieved, we all did the same. No one wants to be here. Haymitch runs up behind us as we're turning to leave.

"Wait wait, where are you all going?" He says with a hand on my back.

"Not in the mood to eat." Peeta tells him.

"You need a full stomach for tomorrow." Haymitch reasons.

"I'm good." I say, pushing past him.

I quickly and quietly say my goodbyes to Wiress, Beetee, Johanna, and Blight, before getting on the elevator with Peeta, Katniss, Haymitch, and Finnick. It's silent the entire way. I fidget with my bracelet, as the nerves are through the roof.

When the elevator opens, we all walk to our rooms without a word. But before I get to my room, I feel a hand touch mine. I look over to see Katniss. She pulls my hand from my bracelet and gives me a slight smile and nod before going into her room.

Finnick comes behind me, joined with Zero and Nikolaí. Apparently they haven't gone home yet. As much as I love them, I want to be left alone.

But to not be rude, I hold my door open as they enter again.

"We just wanted to see you guys one last time." Zero says.

Does she forget that she's seeing me tomorrow morning? I give a fake smile, tired of them in my room. Finnick sees this, and wraps it up for me.

"Thank you guys." He says, initiating a hug between us.

Zero kisses the side of my head in the hug before pulling back. She brings her hand up and cups me and my brothers face.

"I'm so sorry." She says, eyes going watery.

I give her an empathetic look before the lets Nikolaí and herself out. I let out a breath of relief. Finnick kisses my head and opens the door again, but he's met with Haymitch. I pause for a second, before hugging him tightly.

"Thank you, for everything." I say, not wanting to let go.

I haven't given him enough appreciation. He easily could've thrown us to the side and payed attention to his original tributes, but he took us in. And for that, I'll be forever grateful. I pull back to see his faint smile.

"Don't die." He says.

Finnick puts a hand on his shoulder and quickly thanks him before they both turn and go to their rooms.

I close my door and put my back against it, exhausted. I trudge over to my bed and unzip my backpack from the train. I pull out a series of blank letters and envelopes as well as a black pen. If I'm gonna die, I want everyone to know what I have to say to them first.

The Letters
Mom and dad,
I want to start off by saying I appreciate you. More than you could ever know. My situation before you was worse than I've told you, or anyone at that. Not knowing where I'd come from or what I'd been through, and taking me in anyway, is a favor I could never pay back. You saved my life, you are my world. And if this is the last you ever hear from me, know that I'd do all of this over again for you. I love you.

Finnick,
We always joke about how we don't like each other, or how you're a cocky asshole, and I don't take that back in the slightest. But all jokes aside, I think that you are the absolute best brother anyone could ever ask for. You taught me family, bravery, and kindness. I don't think any words can describe my love for you. If you somehow defy the odds and out live me; One, fuck you for letting me die. Two, I want you to be something great. Greater than The Capitol or Panem could ever make you. You can beat them, all of them. I love you Finn, be great.

Zero and Nikolaí,
If you're reading this, it can't be for a good reason. The thought of leaving you two hurts my heart, I want to cry just writing this. The two of you have had a greater impact on my life than anyone. You showed support and kindness in a time that no one in the world should enjoy. Finnick and I, at 14, were almost guaranteed death. But you guys were our light, our hope. I don't want you to be sad, you gave me your all. You guys are my family, I thank you and I love you, for ever and ever.

Haymitch,
Oh I know you didn't expect a letter. But dead or alive, I'm full of surprises. I don't think I ever properly thanked you. Thanked you for mentoring us, guiding us, and caring for us. You didn't have to, god knows that. You could've left us in the dust and focused on Katniss and Peeta, but you didn't, and for that I truly owe you my life.

Katniss,
I don't know if I should be telling you this, but I'm under the impression that I'm dead, so fuck it. When I first met you, the first thing I noticed was you're energy. You have this attractive aura about you, bold and courageous. Being around you makes me happy inside. To get to the point, I think I'm in love with you. Not that any of this matters anymore. But I thought I'd at least let you know. You're the enemy of the Capitol that all of Panem needed. You're saving lives one day at a time, finish what you started.

The Capitol,
Whoever's reading this, close it now and don't allow it to be opened until it's in the possession of President Snow. Now that we're alone, I'd like to lay it out for you. You're evil. Your society, your ideals, your "games." It's all evil and fake. You have no idea what we see on a daily basis. Good people- Great people, falling victim to a sinister way of life that you created. I'm writing this letter because of you, I'm in pain because of you, I'm dead because of you. That's a burden that I hope weighs heavy on your heart. You could've stopped this. But since you won't, your people will. And for that, I die in peace.

-----

I envelope all of my letters, address each of them "death letters", and stack them on my nightstand.

I click my lamp off and get under the covers. I'll fall asleep in peace tonight, there's no point in sorrow now.