ateez family au

168

The silence that draped itself over them was heavy, almost unbearable. It was cold and stern, and though he was being held in the arms of his love, he felt so, so lonely.

"Time flies so fast..." Hongjoong said and wove his hands through the still damp hair of his husband and sighed; lips pressed in a line.

"I feel like we missed so many things... so many events I wanted to hold on to so dearly, yet... my memory isn't the best anymore... so many things are escaping my mind and... I can't stop it..."

"Are you scared?" the younger asked into the brief silence that started to form again, not allowing it to lay over them as heavily again, "are you scared of getting old?" The hand that was not woven in his hair, carefully wandered over the cool skin of his shoulder, leaving a trail of goosebumps.

Just an hour or so ago, it had been already an hour or so and it still felt like he had just laid off the phone. It felt like he had just put the phone down and had just crumbled on the floor, crying like the child he once had been. Memories flashed past his mind, emotions he had felt returning to him like a storm, swirling up any peace he had felt.

"It's not necessarily hereditary..."
"Mom said that her father had it too, just like grandfather Jongguk used to..."
"You shouldn't worry, we should just be prepared and know the signs."
"Don't panic,
... yet at least"

"We're only around forty, Seonghwa..."

"It's a disease; diseases don't know the age, nor ready or not," Seonghwa replied sharply, his voice cracking but almost venomous, not that he had intended it to come out like that. Bitterness spread on his tongue, down his throat, and sprouted in his chest. He freed himself from Hongjoong's tight grip around him and turned to his other side. He felt cold and lonely, left alone in this world with so much to worry about and bear. He felt empty, yet so full of doubt and anxiety, that he feared exploding and melting down again.

"I feel like a child."

Taken back to his childhood, he was engulfed by memories he had never learned to cope with. Seonghwa had been a child around Mingi's age when his grandfather Jongguk had died. It was not only his death that made the memories so hard to hold, it was that due to the early stages of Alzheimer's, his beloved elder seemed not to recognize all his loved ones. for him, as a child, it was impossible to believe, that the man that was filled with so much joy and joke and energy was slowly fading, turning back in time to his youth where he didn't exist, almost none of them did.

If only he could turn back time, he had wished then. If only he could turn back time to where he was smaller, listen to his so unfunny jokes again, and go to the river every day in summer. If only his grandfather could teach him how to swim again, throw him into the water, and laugh whenever he shrieked when a fish had touched his leg.

If only he could stop time and live in this chapter of life forever, have his family forever just as it is, hold and remember them dearly.

This disease ran through his family on both sides, as a teen he had come to accept it was as it was. Yet it had never been brought up again and he had dared to forget for a moment. It didn't exist and haunted his thoughts for a while that life was useless because one day he would simply forget and be trapped in a time loop of his worst times.

Hongjoong turned on his side and draped his arms around his husband. "No one expects you to just deal with this, love," he said quietly and leaned his forehead against Seonghwa's neck. "This isn't something you can just deal with... and nothing you can deal with alone, on your own. I am here, let me help you, be by your side..." his words almost sounded like a plea, less like reassurance for the elder to hold on.

"How... how am I going to explain this to them? ... I don't want them to live through this... not twice."

Hongjoong's grip around the elder tightened at his words and the train of thought started. Life was so fragile, so short to stop living it at any cost, yet every other boulder that fell in their way seemed so unmovable, that he too fell victim to hopelessness at that very moment. 

~

Ahaha

Haha

Aha..

Hehe here I am

Never believe a wattpad author when they say they're coming back soon lol

This is probably the shortest chapter I have ever written but I don't think there is more to say to this part.

Ah... I haven't done hurt in a while :)

How are yall doing?

The year is almost over for me, I have like 2 weeks left and I'll be going to my home country during the summer break

I'll see if I have time to write again, which I doubt but what kind of author would I be if I wasn't giving hope of a normal update schedule?

Recently I have fallen back into my star wars phase and goddamn I forgot how deep the hole was

I'm there, stuck somewhere.

Help is not needed it's quite nice here thanks.

Stay healthy and safe!

-gulkurusubb