A Bughead story

Chapter 23

I'm laying on my bed when jughead comes in and plops down on the bed laying next to me. He seems to be in a good mood. Hope I don't ruin it. "Hey" he says touching my shoulders and whispering in my ear. "Hey. How was the movie?" I smile trying to be subtle. "It was nice it was about bees. Jellybean really liked it" he said laying his head on my back. "The bee movie?" I laugh and he says "yeah that's the way one!" He exclaims. We continue talking until he falls asleep laying on my back. I feel even more guilty now because I didn't tell him when I should have. I close my eyes and the day replays over and over again in my head. Jugheads emotions. How unusually calm fp was. I'm not sure how someone could be so emotional but so closed off. It's like jughead is scared to talk to me. God I hope he's not. I feel my eyes growing heavy and they shut.

It's so hard. It's so hard to grow up. And realize that every single thing that you do, has an effect on others. I always have to wonder if I'm doing the right or wrong thing. But then I think of Jughead. Jugheads life got so difficult so quickly. He was young to. When I was 13 I wondered where the light goes when I close the fridge. Jughead on the other when he was 13 he was wondering where he would be sleeping that night. When I was 7 I thought that mermaids and fairy's were real. When he was 7 he was  taking care of his drunk father. I'm seventeen now and I'm wondering what Jughead is thinking. Jughead is probably thinking about how much he hates himself. No matter if it was because he left me or he didn't open the door for the elderly woman because he's socially shy and awkward. Defense is his only social skill. If he doesn't know how to talk to people then he will fight them. Fp, Archie, the man at the restaurant and myself. It's not always physical. Not once has he laid a hand on me in a way I didn't allow. It's mental. Sometimes I think mental hurts more then physical ever could. Physical actually takes the pain away... well at least if it's self inflicted.

Stop. Stop thinking like that.

When I wake up I don't feel jughead near me. I open my eyes to see he's not there. It's a school morning so he could just be downstairs or anything. I hear the shower running in my bathroom so I climb out of bed and head towards the door rubbing my eyes. I knock on the door. "Jug" I simply state and I get no response. I assume that he didn't hear me. "Jughead?" I say a bit louder and when I reach for the door knob expecting it to be locked but it's not. The door flys right open. I sigh when I see jughead sitting on the floor of the shower. He's fine. The way he looks at me makes me want to throw up. He looks disappointed. I walk over and I see that it's clear he's not okay. A shiny knife is laying next to him in the shower. I slow down. No more like stop. "Jughead" I say in a shock with wide eyes. His eyes look down to the knife and back up to my eyes. His lips shake as if he wants to say something but can't. "Please, jughead please don't do this. J- jellybean she needs her brother. And I- jughead I need you. I love you. Jughead" I beg him to stop.  He gently shakes his head and I slowly step closer. "Jug- I need you to stop. Your scaring me I can't lose you" I cry trying to remain calm. "C- can I come in?" I ask him and I knew I would do it regardless. He nods and I jump in with my clothes still on. I'm soaked. He doesn't try to move the knife. Instead he hugs me. Tightly. "I'm so tired Betty. Tired of fighting myself" he admitted and I'm relieved slightly that he's opened up even a little. "I know" I try to comfort him. "You were dealt a crappy hand in life. But god only gives the toughest of challenges to the strongest people" I say to him and he sobs into my shoulder. "Im so sorry. For scaring you" he apologized and I reach to turn the water off. "Im just glad that your okay" I tell him kissing him on the cheek. After a minute he calms down and we get out and get dressed. "Can we keep this between us?" He asks in a tired lonesome voice. "What about ms. Burble?" I ask. I know that it's important to tell her. I also think jughead needs more help then just a school counselor. "No" he says and I sigh. As much as I want to tell her I can't risk his trust. "I'm sorry jughead but either you or I has too." I say and I feel better instantly for holding my ground but terrible for saying this to him after he tried to claim his life. "What?" He says softly and he looks betrayed. I gather his hand in mine. "Honey, you need help. I need to help you and I can't do that by lying." I look him in the eye and I see something shift. I gulp. "About lying... Uhm last night your mom called your phone when you were with jellybean. I answered. She said that she couldn't help you. I'm so sorry" I say knowing it was the wrong time but I couldn't hold it in anymore. It was making me crazy. Jughead seems unaffected. "Aren't you mad?" I ask him unsurely he laughs. What? Why is he laughing? "Mad? You didn't do anything. She never wanted me anyway" He continues laughing. Laughing. "We have to go now. Can you get jellybean?" I say getting up from my bed. Usually I would check my appearance in the mirror but I couldn't care less today. I go down the stairs and jughead follows after checking the room jellybean has been staying in. She's not there so we assume she's downstairs eating or something. When I reach the bottom of the stairs I see jellybean waiting holding jugheads backpack for him. He walks over and thanks her then grabs his bag. He grabs my backpack and hands it to me. I smile at him. I'm pissed but so worried about him. We walk out into the car and I tell jellybean to sit in the front seat. She is delighted. Because jellybean is so much younger than jughead she's in the middle school department on campus. It's on the other side to where the high school is. I love and hate driving. I hate it right now because it's so damn hard to concentrate. I see jughead in the back seat messing with his hair. Jellybean and I talk about her new teachers. I had some of them when I was in the middle school. Eventually I drop her off at the curb she smiles and waves goodbye while jughead gets out of his seat and hops in the front seat. "That was totally unnecessary." I huff at him in slight annoyance. He doesn't say anything but just picks at his nails. I pull out and drive over to the high school. I park and make my way to class with jughead. He reaches to hold my hand and although I don't want to I do. I love him but I'm upset with him right now. His grip is tight. He leans over and whispers in my ear "I love you" I've heard him say that a thousand times before but my stomach still flutters. "And I love you" I tell him. We go our separate ways for class and when I sit down in my chair I breathe out. I need a break. It's overwhelming. Jughead is overwhelming. I'm so stressed and I feel like I can't breathe. I quickly get over it when I see Archie. Now my mood has completely shifted to pissed. Oh my god, he's walking over to me... crap he sat down next to me. I look at him giving him a completely annoyed facial expression. He scoffs. "Oh my god you can not be serious right now Archie. I am so sick of you!" I yell at him and he smiles. "He doesn't make you happy." He says and I want to punch him. "No! Actually he does! It's not like Veronica and you haven't ever butt heads so stop acting like Jughead is a bad person! You sound like Fp." I say lowering my voice a bit because the teacher is about to start his lesson. "Geez. He really doesn't make you happy" he says and I try to ignore him. He stops talking and does not talk to me for the rest of class. On my way to my next class I realize jughead is in the class. I walk in and he waves to me. I slowly wave back. I sit at my own desk away from jughead and near to where Veronica will sit when she gets here. We have assigned seats in this class. A few minutes pass by and the bell rings. Veronica comes in at the last second and I sigh in relief. She looks like a wreck. She's not herself right now. She sits down and I give her a worried expression. "What happened are you okay?!" I whisper to her and she shakes her head. "It's Archie and my dad- they don't get along so Archie and I got into a huge fight and I can't tell if we're broken up" she almost chokes on a sob. Is that why Archie was being such a possessive jerk? "Oh Vee, I'm so sorry. He's not worth it." I state and wonder if jughead is worth all the pain and misery. What am I talking about?! I love jughead. Couples fight.