A Bughead story

Chapter 42

The next morning

Jugheads POV.

I wake up and I have a murderous headache. There is a terrible mess everywhere. I've destroyed this house. "Fuck" I say. I get up and go outside. I stand outside for a few minutes to clear my head. How do I even redeem myself? I don't think i can. Everyone has a tarnished memory of me now. I can't believe I almost hit Betty last night. I drank a whole bottle of whisky and a little bit left over in the other bottle. I come back inside and start to pick up my mess. I grab a broom and start to pile up the glass. There is a lot. Glass from the lamp,
Cups and a side table. I'm not a good person. Maybe I should pack a bag and run away. Betty will probably never be able to look at me the same way again. Or jellybean. I'm keep cleaning and my dad comes down stairs. "Jughead, we need to talk. This is a wake up call. We can go talk in the basement." He says and I follow him. I sit down and rub my head. "I know what happened. I don't know why Gladys was there and I'm sorry. I understand why you flipped out. You didn't know you'd have to see her. But what happened with Betty upstairs, no that can't happen. I never thought that would happen. It can't happen again. Your lucky she didn't call the cops on you. Then when you had a baby bitch fit that can't happen either. You destroyed hundreds of dollars worth of stuff. You destroyed her trust." My dad calmly says to me. "Not that it matters. She thinks I'm a lair and she can't trust me. I didn't do anything. I showed her literal proof she still believed Gladys. I just don't know how to keep up. It's always something. Betty's never happy I don't make her happy anymore. I just don't know what to do anymore. If she can't trust me- that feels shitty. I trust her with my life and if she can't even think of trusting me with something someone said-". I wipe my eyes.

"I'm sorry. I don't want her to be scared of me it just feels like I can't come back from what I did last night. I was never going to hit her. Never. I didn't even feel like myself. It happened and as soon as I did it she screamed. For help. I stepped back realizing what I did and how it looked. I didn't mean to. I got so angry. Then jellybean ran in and asked if I hit her. Im a piece of shit. I wanted Betty so I tried to comfort me but she told me to go. She said if I didn't go she's call the cops. I didn't believe her. She said she didn't want to see me again so I went downstairs and started taking my anger out." I explain to my dad feeing terrible for what I've done. I remember jellybean said I am just like him. I am. I was drunk, a mean and scary drunk. They had every reason to fear me.

"Your lucky she didn't call the cops on your ass. I am frustrated really frustrated. there is a mess up there your sister was bawling her eyes out last night. And Betty, Betty wouldn't stop crying. You have to pull your shit together. You can't turn to drinking. You see where that got me? You need to clean up your mess and go for a walk. Clear your head and come up with a plan". He tells me and I nod. I don't want to. I want to go have another drink but I won't. I can't do that to them again. I still want to break someone's jaw. I get up and I go upstairs. I pick up the broom and finish making the pile of glass. I get a trash can and put it all in the can. I notice the nasty scars and bruises on my fist. I love it. Once it's full I take the can outside. All the sudden I have a urge to throw up. I rush into the bathroom and throw up into the toilet. I clean myself up then go into the kitchen for a glass of water. I pound it. Then I open the liquor cabinet I grab a bottle of vodka "No. jughead stop". I hear Betty's voice behind me and I sigh. "Put it up." She says again. I put it back. "I wasn't going to drink it. I don't like vodka". I say plainly. "Then why did you have it?" She investigates me. She is using the accusing voice she loves to use. "It doesn't matter not like you'd believe me". I coldly say closing the cabinet. "That's not fair" she says lowly. "It's not fair to accuse me of shit". I speak walking away from her and back into the living room. I clean up the sofas and everything I wrecked in here. Of course she has to follow me. Fuck is she annoying. "Jughead" she wines. When I don't answer she runs back upstairs stomping her feet. "Fuck" I exhale. I pick up the rest of my mess then go outside. The cold air quickly hits my lungs. I don't know what to do. I don't think she's going to want to talk to me again so I can only leave. I go inside and upstairs. Betty is staring at the wall I've punched. "We have to talk Betty" I say and she turns around then nods. She sits on the bed and I sit in the chair from the desk. "I am sorry Betty like really damn sorry about about everything that happened I really fucked up and I don't know how I'm coming back from this one. I never meant to hurt you or jellybean. And i want to fucking kill myself for what I did to you last night-" I cry out and she cuts me off "I knew you weren't going to hit me" she quickly lies. "No no you didn't Betty you were scared. I was acting ballistic and I was spiraling. I heard the way you screamed and it broke me. But I can't keep telling you the truth. This is the last time I will say anything. I never talked to my mom. I never told her about the baby. I was so angry already at her for even showing up and you didn't even try to believe me you didn't consider how I felt. I never thought I'd have to see her again and there she was. I had every intention last night to come upstairs to you and comfort you. For you to believe me. I'm sorry Betty. Im so fucking sorry." I say holding my head in my hands. It's quiet. "What do you want jughead?" She surprisingly asks me. "I want to be with you. I want everything to go back to normal." I tell her and she scoffs "we haven't been normal since the first time you left. Jughead we aren't normal and we aren't healthy. We are toxic and it took me so long to realize it because I am so in love with you. It's killing me. But you don't love me enough to control your anger. I can't do it anymore." She says and I look up confused. What the hell? "No Betty I can get help- I'll go to therapy tomorrow, i don't drink another drop, I can stop beating people up and I'll stop saying things I don't mean and I will love you right this time. I will do anything for you Betty please don't do this." I beg her shaking my head. This can't be happening what about the baby. Deep down I feel everything in me break. "What do you not love me anymore?" I ask her standing up. "I love you to much jughead! I can't stay with you. It's always something! I can't keep up anymore it's tearing me apart! I think you should go to therapy and get help. I just need time apart and away from you." She explains through her tears. "No! What's the point of any of that if I can't have you!? Your my only reason for staying alive and waking up everyday! I don't want to live without you! What about the fucking baby?!" I ask angrily but keeping my cool enough. "I don't know jughead! I might not even have it. The baby has a small chance to live anyways." She says lowly. "Don't talk like that Betty. You can't talk like that." I tell her and she lays her head down in her hands crying. In a habit I sit next to her to comfort her. "No! No jughead! Please don't. I need you to leave." She says and I jolt up. "Why!?" I ask her and she looks up "We're toxic! It effects everyone around us! I'm miserable and so are you! You pretend your not but I see how much it hurts you. We need time apart. A lot of time. I don't know how much but at least a few months." She says and I feel my world shift. I shake my head in disbelief. "No there's no fucking way I'm doing that! Betty we are having a baby together! I can't just leave you and the baby! I'm not my dad! I won't leave my kid Betty!" I cry out and she inhaled sharply. "I'll give you updates about the baby whenever you ask for them" she tries to compromise. I just want to be with her. No matter what. I know somewhere in my heart that she's right and we need to be apart but I can't just leave the baby. If she weren't pregnant I probably would have left last night. "Tell me. Tell me how much you hate me and want me gone. How you don't love me." I demand of her and she shakes her head. "I can't." She tells me with pain in her eyes. "It's the only way I'm leaving. I need you to let me love you." I say in a last attempt effort with tears rolling down my face. "I need you to let me go. If you truly love me you'll wait for me". She says and i immediately say "I do! I love you Betty so damn much! Fuck I can't lose you" I say seriously. She gets up and grabs a bag. She starts throwing my things in it. "Baby please" I beg her. "You know why we have to do this. I'll reach out to you whenever I think we are ready. Or about the baby." She says through her tears. "I cant fucking believe this Betty. This is ridiculous we have each other I will change for you! Betty I love you! Does love not mean anything?" I yell painfully. "It didn't mean shit to you last night." She lies. I won't get to watch jellybean grow up. "This is goodbye for now jughead. I'm sorry but that's is how it has to happen." She says setting my bag on the floor. Then she hugs me. I hold her and sob knowing this is the last time she'll be in my arms. "If you get into any trouble call fp and if he doesn't answer you know my number". She says but I barely hear her. I cant help thinking this is the last time. She cry's into my shoulder. It's all my fault that this happened. I really fucked up.