TO LOVE A MONSTER ❪ jujutsu kaisen ❫

xi: to give up on a wretched plot.

SHINAGAWA CITY, NOVEMBER 2016.

The movie night was a mistake. It was a moment of weakness that exposed all of her nerve endings to the sun, lighting them on fire and making her realize the sliver of humanity left inside of her. It had been blackened over, lit on fire again and again every time it was exposed until it was nothing but a weak flicker, but a single act of kindness, friendship of all the stupid cliche things, had brought it back up. It was a sliver of humanity that had made her refuse to kill the innocent wife and children of a corrupt man and had made her withstand the beatings she got in response. The same sliver of humanity that had made her stay with Tooru, fearing what he would do if she ever left and now it was that stupid sliver of humanity that made her grit her teeth at the thought of killing Yuuta.

She had to do it. She- she had to. He was dangerous, she tried to rationalize. Rika was still dangerous and Yuuta didn't always control her well. There was the time at the Red Light District when Kaori felt the cursed energy of the Curse wind around Yuuta's figure and the missions after when Rika was always hovering around. Yuuta was dangerous and she was going to do the world a favor by killing him.

'But he was kind to you,' the monster in her whispers. Meeting Yuuta and the First Years has brought it out more often. It senses the weakness in her, the wavering thoughts about her mission and it gleefully taunts her. 'Can you really kill someone who was kind to you? Can you really cope with what will happen afterwards?'

'Shut the hell up,' she snaps back, voice thin and taut with tension. The monster simply laughs, drifting back into the corner of her brain where she tries to chain it as if it hasn't opened a whirl of thoughts in her mind. It thrives on chaos and is probably pleased by the conflict in her. It has always despised Fujiwara Tooru, for its own reasons of course, and to see Kaori struggling between her mentor and her newly-made, only friends makes it chuckle silently.

The thoughts linger and twist her resolve as she sits in the car sandwiched between Inumaki and Yuuta. It's a five person mission this time, tackling two First Grade Curses in the middle of an old gambling hall. It was supposedly for Gojo, but once Maki heard about it her eyes had sharpened and she had snatched the page with the details with one swipe of her hand. Kaori taps her slim fingers against her lap, ignoring the concerned glances her friends shoot her. Every time she blinks she can see Yuuta killed in the numerous ways she killed others. Yuuta, with his head snapped and froth surrounding his mouth. With a blade through his heart, the last pulses of the organ beating weakly against where her fingers clutch the blade. Slashed at horrifically, his white bones stark from where she neatly tore into his rib cage. She's nearly sick by the time they reach the street, her thoughts a mess that practically wounds her physically with the intensity of it.

"Mustard leaf?" Inumaki pries, worried by the gray tinge to her skin. Her vibrant eyes, even duller than they usually are, roll over to him and she nods silently. The First Years exchange looks but they jump out of the car obediently and start making their way into the famed parlor. An icon in its own right, the pachinko parlor in central Tokyo has lost some of its prestige with the recent batch of 'hauntings' reported by its petrified workers. Most people brave the rumors to get their weekly fix of gambling, unknowing of their emotions riling up the Curses that prepare to pick them off one by one. The building is modernly made, with swooping arches, a rolling velvet fabric that swishes with the wind and a large window that shows them the pachinko machines neatly arranged inside.

"There are going to be two Curses. We'll split up and handle them. Panda, Inumaki, you're with me. Yuuta and Kaori, head to the back exit and see what you can find," Maki shoots out efficient orders and Kaori focuses on the crispness of her voice, using it as a motivation. She's in the middle of a mission right now and she refuses to let her thoughts get in the way of carrying it out. She nods and starts walking briskly towards the back exit, wandering through the dark alleyway. The stench of cursed energy is thick here, settling in her bones and making them ache and she realizes this is why sorcerers are designated to Curses of their own grades. It slows her down and she powers through the viscosity of the Curse's power, pulling open the door and striding through the dark hallways. Yuuta walks behind her, alert and wary of the energy as well. The two of them make their way through the hallways, bumping into dimly lit machines and muttering apologies when they inadvertently bump into each other. It's at the largest machine where they finally locate the Curse and it suits the destination it's made into its home perfectly.