TO LOVE A MONSTER ❪ jujutsu kaisen ❫

xix: life resumes ❪ but it changes ❫

TOKYO JUJUTSU HIGH, NOVEMBER 2016.

The chasms between them heal slowly like puzzle pieces slotting together. After Maki and Kaori's tearful confrontation, the Zen'in girl is embarrassed and tries to drag herself away from her as soon as they reach the school only for Kaori to cling to her stubbornly.

"I will make up for betraying you. I will do it no matter how long it takes," she says severely when Maki protests and her friend's eyes soften before she drags her to Ieiri to get checked up. The rest of the First Years are relieved, smiling when Maki drags Kaori by the scruff of her collar at six am to begin training. Their lives have been restored but the lasting impacts of her betrayal still lingers. Sometimes, Kaori can see them watching her with narrowed eyes when she refuses to use her Cursed Technique or when she and Yuuta spar. The suspicion doesn't hurt as much as she thought it would and she accepts it readily. It's a part of growing up, to grow suspicious of the same hand that greeted you placidly and then turned on you just as fast and she is glad her friends have the sense to be wary.

The faculty watch her as well, more with curiosity than lingering suspicion. Yaga stares at her whenever she enters his office either to be reprimanded for causing more destruction than they should have or for going on a buying spree during their free days. The stare is critical and the slightest bit sympathetic but they are not fearful or scared. The Tokyo Jujutsu school has Gojo Satoru who is always there to push her in line, although it's more Kaori reminding Gojo of the lines that exist as he lavishes her with souvenirs and coaxes her to train. It's a hot day and Kaori sits on the bleachers watching Panda whirl around a screeching Maki, Yuuta hesitating on whether to intervene or not while Inumaki laughs openly. In the end, Yuuta decides to give up, plopping on the staircase next to Kaori. She offers him a water bottle, watching the curve of his jaw and the slope of his neck as he drinks thirstily, feeling a flush rise to her cheeks and ducking to rest her chin on her raised knees. "Kaori-chan?" she hums in response, waiting for him to go on. "Can you teach me how to imbue my katana with cursed energy? Gojo Sensei said that it would help me control my cursed energy,"

"Hand me your katana," he obeys the order, wiping at the sweat lining his forehead with a distracted hand. Kaori balances the blade on her fingers, trying to get an idea of how to explain the concept to Yuuta. "Right. To push cursed energy into anything, you need to imagine it as an element that flows through you consistently. Imagine your katana as an extension of your arm and try to push your energy into it," she shuffles closer to him and wraps his fingers around the blade. She hears a hitch of his breath at their close proximity but ignores it in favor of winding his fingers around the handle properly. "Imagine your cursed energy like it's in color and push it through your katana," it takes a few moments for him to try to understand her words but determination blazes in his eyes and he nods. Kaori spots the way his hand tightens around the blade before it turns into a bright blue, cursed energy sweeping across the edges of his katana. He turns to look at her with a delighted expression and she clicks her tongue, impressed. "Not bad for your first time but you're pouring too much into it. You're going to have to practice a lot so that you get a good grip on controlling your cursed energy,"

"How come you started using cursed energy like this?" he asks curiously, settling his katana down beside him.

"I had a lot of cursed energy in me because of No Face," she explains. "I had to learn to control it otherwise it would just seep out of me uncontrollably,"

"You couldn't just summon No Face?" Kaori shakes her head, lips pursing into a thin line.

"I don't like it. Fujiwara-sama tried to force me to summon it once but No Face is a calamity. Bringing it out once nearly destroyed an entire street and I just barely managed to restrain it back," Yuuta drops the topic, sensing that she doesn't want to talk about it.

"Oi, Yuuta!" Maki beckons him with a sharp motion of her hand. "Come back so that I can kick your ass," he slumps over, groaning and Kaori bids him with an encouraging smile that drops when his back turns to face her.

"Are you going to ask the same thing he was?" she asks the shadows, feeling more than seeing Gojo unattach himself from the wall he was leaning against.

"Those assassin senses of you are frightening, really," he grins but Kaori glances at him with a raised eyebrow, knowing that he's just dragging things along. "You really won't use that power of yours?" he asks.

"I won't," she says curtly and he raises an eyebrow. Dressed in a loose white shirt that probably has more numbers on its ripped price tag than Kaori can imagine, he looks casual and relaxed even as he sits next to an assassin ❪ retired assassin, she would always correct ❫.

"Maybe you should,"

"No offense Gojo Sensei, but I don't think you can give me advice on No Face," she pulls her knees close to her chest and gazes out at the green training field. "It's a monster and monsters can't be tamed,"

"You were," he points out and she glares at him.

"I am mortal. Mortality can always be changed through things such as guilt and humanity. Curses? Especially Curses as strong as No Face? You'd have better luck finding all of Ryomen Sukuna's fingers," the sound of papers rustling catches her attention and she turns just as Gojo shoves a pile of documents in her direction. "What's this?" Kaori's breath hitches at the picture clipped to the front of the first page. It's a grainy photo, nearly a decade old and depicts two smiling children. Haku beams at her, nestled by her side as five year old Kaori wraps a protective arm around his small frame. Kaori remembers the day the picture was taken, the staff fussing over a new digital camera that had come and taking photos of them. She tries to force down the golf ball in her throat as her finger tenderly touches the smile on Haku's face. Her last memory of Haku had been the fear in his eyes and the way he had been so still and silent in her arms. To see him like he was in the past — happy, forever cheerful and constantly by her side — makes her fingers clench around the edges of the photograph. "How did you-"

"Fujiwara Tooru is someone who guards his secrets closely. Luckily for me, I've always been nosy and managed to find him hiding these documents on you and your brother hidden deep in the compound," Gojo's voice is full of his usual arrogance but it is a touch soft as he watches Kaori stare at Haku's face hungrily. "This is all the research he has done on you and No Face. From what your Cursed Technique entails to your background, everything is in there," Kaori starts flipping through the stack of papers. As Gojo says, there is information on her written in unfamiliar handwriting, the orphanage directors comment praising her 'kind' and 'caring' nature being followed by Fujiwara's slanting handwriting as he talks about her skills and weaknesses. Additional notes are made in red ink and she can see parts where he has crossed out words in his anger before carefully writing them out again. She closes the pile and turns her eyes onto Gojo.

"Why are you giving me this?"

"You deserve to know about the monster you're a vessel to and you're entitled to understanding your past. Fujiwara has made you into what you are but he hasn't managed to change you much from the kind child you were. Why do you want to be a Jujutsu Sorcerer, Kaori-kun?" he asks the question for the first time and Kaori thinks deeply, staring down at the contrasting scene of her friends laughing as Maki beats Yuuta and the grainy picture of her brother, her past and present colliding right in front of her eyes.

"I want to protect my friends," she replies. "I want to make sure that the world doesn't allow any Fujiwara-sama. That another incident like Haku's doesn't happen and that people can live without fearing Curses," Gojo cracks a smile like he was expecting the answer.

"Then start it by believing that you can do good out there with your abilities,"