TO LOVE A MONSTER ❪ jujutsu kaisen ❫

xvi: mending the stretched holes.

TOKYO JUJUTSU HIGH, NOVEMBER 2016.

She spends most of her time confined to a bed. Taking in her background and the addition of Gojo vouching for her, Yaga had grimly decided to put her on a probation period, strictly telling her that she wasn't allowed to tell anybody about the murders she committed. The adults felt guilty, she was sure, that she was stuck in the basement of a monster while they were allowed to parade under the sun. As long as the guilt allowed Kaori to have another chance at life, she wouldn't mind it. Not that she was living anymore. Living, to her, consisted of hanging out with her friends, watching movies or exploring the city with them. They weren't her friends anymore, simply her classmates who didn't bother checking up on her after the 'trial'. No, that would be a lie. They did check up on her. Kaori saw the lingering shadow of Inumaki by the door when Ieiri would do her check up, felt Panda's wish for her to get better in the mysterious gifts that appeared in the room, could sometimes hear the stomps of Maki and the way they would always recede a few moments before her section of the infirmary. But they never stepped inside, never talked to her. Kaori was understanding. She had expected this, had feared this, and now she had to make due with what happened.

Missions were made awkward by Maki's glowers and Yuuta's attempts to negotiate the tension between them, negotiations that always ended with the Zen'in girl snapping at him and Kaori softly asking him to stop trying. Kaori found solace in Ieiri's presence, the woman solid and firm whenever she visited the infirmary. They had established some kind of rapport with Ieiri's puzzlement over the seal on Kaori's heart. She had tried once to heal it away since it was a years old injury, but Kaori had gasped as the sensation of a knife carving that had occurred all those years ago presented itself again. The woman had hurriedly let go of Kaori, face pale with horror and the younger girl had slumped over on the bed much to the panic of both Ieiri and Gojo. The latter constantly checked up on Kaori, bringing a multitude of sweets and other souvenirs, coaxing her to open up to him. She could tell that he too felt guilty for the absence of friends and well wishers in her room, a misplaced guilt. 'I knew what I was doing,' she told him once firmly. He had smiled, eyes sad behind his bandages.

'I don't think you really had a choice,' he had said gently and that was the end of the conversation. Yuuta, despite being the person least expected to visit, constantly popped in. The first time he came, Kaori had refused to see him, ladened with guilt but Yuuta had shot her guilt down immediately.

'What matters is that you felt the tiniest bit of regret in trying to kill me,' he had refuted shortly and then refuted her again and again every time she tried to refuse him. After their interaction at the Jujutsu Garden, however, she began to weaken. The First Years had spoiled her, she thought to herself crossly. When she would never have felt loneliness, she now felt the gaping hole in her heart, a place she didn't know could even hold the friendship of four others. She accepted Yuuta's visits, watching as his smiles grew wider the more his appearances were greeted happily rather than crossly. He brought in conversations, check ups on their friends and an exchange of menial pleasantries. He had also, on one memorable occasion, brought her the tea set he got her all those weeks ago and nearly made her burst out laughing as he clumsily poured her tea.

So Kaori's days consisted of check ups, missions and Ieiri, the routine of which she clutched on tightly. She was on a separate mission, one she took because she had seen the way Maki's lips had twisted at the thought of pairing up with her. It took more out of her than expected and that's why when she inhaled, she practically felt her lungs crackle with the movement. It was a First Grade Curse, a menace to the apartment complex it had dwelled in, having already eaten nearly ten people. She had followed the twisting trail of blood, been distracted by the clench of her heart at the corpses spread around proudly, had destroyed the monster through quick wit and a massive amount of cursed energy. No Face had done its best to come out, crooning out ways it could make the fight more effective and laughing every time she was victim to a slash. It didn't help that with blood staining her hands she was reminded of Fujiwara despite her best attempts to push him out of her mind. Kaori shuffles forward, coughing and ignoring the way blood drips down past her lips.

"Kaori?" a hesitant voice comes and she turns around to see the First Years — minus Yuuta — staring at her with eyes that widen when they spot the blood covering her.

"Hey guys," she tries to hide her injuries, greeting them with a croak before she falls over. She can hear footsteps rush forward, the warmth of Panda's arms as he carefully scoops her up and starts running to the infirmary. The movement jostles Kaori's sore body, making her hiss as her unpatched wounds deteriorate further but she tries to focus on her breathing instead of the pain.

"Put her here," Ieiri's voice is echoey, dulled by the pain singing through Kaori's veins but her hands are warm and steady as she heals Kaori. The girl can hear shuffling coming from behind her bed as Ieiri fixes her up, the rush of voices as they argue and the slam of the door as they leave. She winces, frowns and slowly sits up when Ieiri props her up. Reversed Cursed Healing truly is the blessing it gives, and she thanks the woman with a low voice. Ieiri taps her shoulder soothingly, smiling at her before departing.

"Mustard leaf?" Inumaki's voice nearly makes her jump and she whirls around with wide eyes. She hadn't spotted them, too busy scanning over her healed injuries with fascination, and now she's aware that Panda and Inumaki have been here the entire time. She registers Inumaki's question, nods.

"I'm fine. Thank you for the concern, Inumaki-san," she can see the boy flinch at the changed prefix, but she continues to stare at the smooth fabric of the infirmary sheets.

"Okay, this is ridiculous," Panda says abruptly, frowning at her. "Kaori, apologize," she blinks at the order, obeying it naturally.

"I'm sorry," she hesitates before continuing carefully. "I never meant for us to get so close-" it's the wrong thing to say she realizes when she sees Inumaki shrink away. "Because I knew it would ruin my mission," she rushes on. "I was always going to have to kill Yuuta, and I was a fool for forgetting that. I knew that my betrayal would have hurt you, I remembered it constantly, but I was selfish. Hanging out, being friends with you all made me feel normal for once. I've just been existing, but you guys taught me to live," the admission scrapes something raw in her and she resumes staring at the ground.

"Salmon," Inumaki's voice is soft with forgiveness when the silence is finally broken and his eyes are equally gentle as he looks at the girl.

"Thank you," she breathes out. "You don't have to forgive me-"

"Nope, what's done is done," Panda interrupts. "We've forgiven you, and you can buy us a shit ton of ice cream to make up for it," his tone is light but all of them know that it's going to take more than something like ice cream to rebuild up the trust they effortlessly gave her. What matters, however, is that Kaori is willing to do all that effort and more just to get back her friends. Inumaki tugs his chair closer to Kaori, quizzing her about the Curse she fought, and she's so focused on him and Panda that she misses the girl who looks in on the room.