FOUR

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PRESENT TIME, A FEW DAYS AFTER HARRY'S FUNERAL, IN THE AFTERNOON, AT HOME, IN THE BATHROOM ON THE FLOOR, ALONE

PRESENT TIME, A FEW DAYS AFTER HARRY'S FUNERAL, IN THE AFTERNOON, AT HOME, IN THE BATHROOM ON THE FLOOR, ALONE

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L O U I S


I hurt myself for the first time to make me feel the pain the love of my life was in.

I want to feel it too. I have to feel it too.

I feel so guilty that I am alive without any pain and the love of my life's dead with pain.

He died in pain and I hold his hand, watching him fall asleep and never wake up again.

I have to make myself feel pain too so it's fair.

Mom said it's destiny what happens to each person but I feel guilty either way.

Why couldn't dying in pain because of brain tumor be my destiny, not the love of my life's?

He didn't deserve to die like this.

He deserved to live forever. In happiness, comfort and healthiness.

Why do I have to be alive now? I can't live normal ever again anyways.

I want to be with him. Why can't I die too? It would be only fair.

Why can't it be my destiny to see the love of my life again now? Not in sixty years when I am an old grandpa.

I want to see my fiancé again now.

„I miss you, Hazza. Can you see me? Can you hear me? Can you answer me? Can you cuddle me? Can you kiss me? Can you squezze my hand when we walk home from work together? Can you laugh with me? Can you smile at me? Can you come back to me?"

No answer.

„Please? Please?"

Again, no answer.

„Please....Come back to me. I need you. I need you more than anything else in the world. I only ever want to be with you again. Come back to me, please. Don't make me go through this all alone. Please, don't."

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