FIVE

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PRESENT TIME, THREE DAYS LATER, IN THE EVENING, AT HOME, ON THE FLOOR, ALONE, CRYING

PRESENT TIME, THREE DAYS LATER, IN THE EVENING, AT HOME, ON THE FLOOR, ALONE, CRYING

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L O U I S


Today, I find a note in the closet of the love of my life.

Hey Lou.
I will problably be gone already when you read this but I write this because I don't know when cancer will take hold of me completely and I don't want it to be too late then to tell you the things I want to tell you before I leave this world. I already told you so often how beautiful, special, smart, amazing, awesome, astonishing, wonderful, phenomenal, incredible, strong, important, precious, inspiring, delightful, lovely, magnificent, fantabulous, handsome, attractive, charming, astounding, exquisite, brilliant, smart, special, unique, graceful, glamourous, warm, fabulous, divine, mind-blowing, breathtaking, stunning, gorgeous and fantastic you are but I can't tell you this often enough. You are the love of my life. You are my everything. You are my light. You are my hero. You are my rope and I am your anchor. You mean everything in the whole world to me. I don't think we will be able to marry anymore but I want you to place our wedding rings somewhere you can look at them everyday. If you see them, I am sure that I will see them too. I love you, Lou. I love you so so much. There are no words that can describe how much I love you. I will always love you and I will love you forever. My love for you is endless. Even if I am no longer around physically, I will still love you. Never forget that, okay? And please, never feel alone. I am always with you. You may can't see me but I am with you wherever you are. I will always be by your side. Always and forever. Promise me to start a new life, okay? I want you to be happy. Think about what makes you happy and do whatever it is. May all your wishes come true. Go on with your life. Do it for me. You have your whole life infront of yourself still. Don't throw it away. I will remember our first kiss and our last forever, same as all the other incredible memories we made together. Sit back and remember them too. I hope you can smile when you think back to the unforgettable time we had. Stay safe, Lou. Promise me to take care of yourself first. Oh, I nearly forgot to ask you: I want a blue and a green flower on my gravestone. Can you arrange that? I would be so so so happy. I will never forget you, I promise you, but I think it's time to say Goodbye now. Goodbye to the unforgettable time we had, to the amazing memories we've made, the nights we spent laughing at eachother and kissing and last but not least: I have to say goodbye to you, cheeky little BooBear. I will see you again in some time. I promise you, I will love you forever and always. Please, never forget that. Yours, Hazza.'


(LATER THAT DAY, IN THE LATE EVENING)

The first thing I do after reading his note is to drive to the florist to buy a blue and a green flower.

I lay down the flowers on top of his grave and a small smile appears on my face, following with tears running down my cheeks.

„Hey, Hazza. I found your note. Thank you for every single word you wrote. I cried so much while reading it. It was absolutely beautiful, I am just making sure you know that. I also got the blue and green flowers. I hope you will love them as much as I do. I will talk to you tomorrow again. You are always on my mind. Bye, Haz. Until then."

When I arrive back home, I place our wedding rings on the cabinet in the hallway where I knew I would look at every single day.

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