Jourdan Mathews has a secret, and she knows she needs to take this one to the grave.
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Her life was never complicated: a college student with a close family, good friends, and a plan for her future as a doctor. Had that night had never happened...
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The void.
It is familiar to me now, ingrained in my memory like the back of my hand. It was an old, distant friend that never changed, never faltered, and always had some sort of comfort to offer.
I think most people were frightened by it – the open, never-ending expanse of nothingness that stretched between us and reality. And so, they tried to ignore it, they lived their lives, pretending that everything wasn't meaningless and trying to desperately ignore the silent ticking, marching everyone towards an unfeeling end.
It didn't scare me though.
No, for some reason, it comforted me.
I felt that if there was any one thing to understand about our universe, I understood it, whatever it was. I also understood that my mind didn't have the capability to put that 'it' into words. I am the unique kind-of person that believes I can grasp our existence well enough to accept the fact that I could never fully realize our reality.
Around me, the world stormed, foaming and frothing, waves crashing one onto the other, barely room to breathe. And amongst all this mess were those clever enough to manipulate the thousands of souls who willingly let them. We were shells, merely shells and they knew it. But below the layers and layers of chaos there existed a space where each lone piece found its spot and each confused thought had its remedy.
This was my space.
It was at this moment that a faint pounding invaded my space, though I did not know where it came from. I shift my head, side to side, the air gurgles around me like water and I feel my eyes begin to role.
If only I were underwater in this moment- I swear I see air bubbles float from between my lips and up, up, up, away from all these struggles. Just like me.
I wish I could float. I think peacefully. Then nothing would hold me down.
"Jourdan!"
I flinch, shaking my head as I am suddenly brought back into the reality that was slowly fading around me. I hear the pounding again and realize I am surrounded by the harsh white tiles of the bathroom in the club my friends and I chose tonight. I blink at my surroundings, trying to remember why I came in here and then I look down at the bathroom counter and up at the man who is staring at me.
His wide pupils and grinding teeth are a sign.
Molly.
I came in here for her, the dear friend I love so much. I should never take molly from a guy I don't know, but after the week I've had, I deserve it. He seemed nice enough too, a bit on the shorter side and no one could deny how perfectly he embodied every frat boy to ever exist, but nonetheless, nice.
"Are you okay?" His voice sends vibrations through me.
"Yeah." I manage, though based on my current inability to stabilize myself I wasn't so sure. I turn away, pressing against the wall for some comfort. I had been drinking tonight too, and I took some pills from my friend Noa. Maybe this had been a bad idea.
