Jourdan Mathews has a secret, and she knows she needs to take this one to the grave.
* * *
Her life was never complicated: a college student with a close family, good friends, and a plan for her future as a doctor. Had that night had never happened...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
the present // the past
~
Miles smiles at me, his dark eyes peering at me over the edge of the chemistry textbook he should be studying, but keeps getting distracted from. I giggle, biting the end of my pencil as I look up at him from my laptop, and push my large, round reading glasses farther up my nose.
"Miles," I whisper, keeping my voice hushed because we're currently in the quiet section of the Norlin Library. Though we are tucked into a corner of the study room, each of us sat on one side of a round table in cushy lounge chairs. "You're supposed to be studying."
"I can't help it," he grins at me. "You're distracting me."
"How? I'm just sitting here doing my stats homework." I protest, raising an eyebrow as set my notebook and pencil down on the table. Then I take a sip of the iced coffee he'd brought me from Starbucks on campus in the UMC earlier.
"You're just so pretty when you're focusing." He tells me and I feel my cheeks warm as I roll my eyes and look back to my computer. Today is a good day despite the fact that fall midterms are almost here, and we had a rough weekend, we're both happy together right now. Everyone always told me that shit gets real your junior year of college, I'd argue that the shit has always been real, but it still feels true right now.
I'm starting to agonize over my future, not sure if I want to be a psychiatrist or say 'fuck it' and decide to travel the world once I graduate. My mother always tells me I can do both, but if I want to go into psychiatry, I'll have to go to medical school, which means MCAT prep starts now.
Miles is struggling too, I can see it so clearly sometimes it terrifies me. When he started experimenting last year I thought it was just a phase, but even right now as he continues to send fleeting glances my way I can't help but wonder if he's high again. Maybe I should talk to his mom ... but then my stomach turns as I think about the last time I got worried and he got so angry at me I thought our relationship was over.
"What'cha thinkin' about?" He asks, setting his textbook down again.
"Nothing much," I sigh, knowing this isn't the right time to tell him I'm worried for him. Maybe later, maybe after we've had more than one good day together. "Just glad we're here together."
"Me too." He agrees. "Even if it's distracting."
"Stop," I giggle as he sits forward and his hand reaches under the table, sliding over the fabric of my leggings. "Now you're distracting me."
"Had to return the favor," he tells me, sitting back again and laughing a bit.
"Shh!" I turn my head slightly when I hear someone shushing us. It's a kid with fluffy brown hair and glasses, glaring at us from his seat just a few feet from us near some bookcases. I turn back to Miles with raised eyebrows.
