Jourdan Mathews has a secret, and she knows she needs to take this one to the grave.
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Her life was never complicated: a college student with a close family, good friends, and a plan for her future as a doctor. Had that night had never happened...
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I don't know how long Jourdan and I sit outside. Long enough for me to register her shivering slightly, and I pull her against me tighter then, wrapping her in my arms to keep her warm. We're silent for a long time, enjoying the still night air around us. She's the first person I've ever shared the more intimate details about my family with. And, as uncomfortable and embarrassing as it was to break down in front of her, I feel a new sense of relief and safety washing over me as we sit together now.
"We should go back inside soon." I mutter softly, interrupting the quiet.
"I know," she sighs. "But I like it out here, it's less complicated when it's just the two of us together. Alone."
I nod silently, agreeing. She's right, it is somehow less complicated for both of us to share our deepest thoughts with one another. A year ago, I would have been terrified of this—us being so connected, the way we have been recently—hell I might still be slightly terrified, but not terrified enough to give up and run away.
"You're cold though." I tell her, feeling her shiver again and she laughs lightly.
"I don't feel cold." She reassures me, but just then, it seems the decision is made for us when we hear the sliding door open behind us.
"There you two are," It's Justin. "Jourdan, your mom is asking where you are."
"Sorry," she turns to look over her shoulder at Justin as I release my grip slightly so we can both stand. "We were just taking a moment."
"Oh," Justin nods, almost like he knows why, but he couldn't. "It's Miles' mom, isn't it?"
"His mom is here?" I question instantly, feeling concerned as I look down at Jourdan who just shrugs, her expression tired and guilty. I can see in her eyes then that the reason she came out here had been to escape the situation inside, not necessarily to find me.
"Yeah," she nods. "I came out here because . . . well, she won't stop mentioning how much he loved me."
"It's definitely uncomfortable," Justin agrees. "Luckily you missed her crying to your mom, I think she's got herself together again by now though."
"I feel so bad." She murmurs, glancing up to me, her big brown eyes glistening with fresh tears. I couldn't bear to have her cry now, so I just nod, wrapping an arm around her again and pulling her close.
"Hey," I reassure her. "I know you do, but she shouldn't put all that on you. Not when things were so different for you at the end. Love doesn't mean shit in the end if the person doesn't also respect you, trust you, care for you."
"He's right." Justin nods, smiling at me. "It's not your job to hold her grief for her."
"Okay," she says softly, voice a bit weak. "Yeah, I know, I know you're both right."
