A/n: Hey guys! Sorry for the wait on this chapter, school kind of got crazy! Anyway, I planned on saving this chapter for later on in the book, but I decided to just throw it in now since I've had like 3 panic attack in a month and Vanitas is pure comfort. Hope you enjoy!
(Y/n)'s POV
Out. (Y/n) needed to get out. Shakily, the girl breathed in and out, trying to regain some semblance of sanity. Her mind was muddled, a cloudy mess. Her thoughts raced just as fast as her heart as she stumbled through the corridors of Master Xehanort's castle. Her ungraceful gait mimicked that of a drunkard's: loose, staggering, and unpurposed. She didn't really know where she was headed, only that she needed to find a change of scenery–a change from the claustrophobic environment of her lonely bedroom.
Eventually, after several minutes of mindless staggering, (Y/n) arrived at the main doors. She threw the heavy oak doors open, and was promptly greeted by the cold air of the night nipping at her reddened cheeks. Her sloppy steps carried her down the front stairs and into the gardens, where she promptly collapsed onto the grass. Her eyes pinched shut as her chest and heart tightened. The unpleasant feeling was familiar, though that didn't make it any more tolerable.
She was having a panic attack, which was not an uncommon occurrence for her. When she had first thoughtlessly decided to wander into the castle gardens, she had been hoping to find some peace amongst the desolate, peaceful nature of the outdoors. Unfortunately, she hadn't been very successful. Even now her erratic breathing racked her trembling form, which shook like a leaf at the end of autumn, barely holding onto its branch as the howling winds threatened to blow it away into the unknown.
Though they were unpleasant, (Y/n) had gotten used to the prospect of these panic attacks since early on in her training, when she would sit alone in the corner of her room while her mindscape became a trainwreck. She didn't really know what caused them, which was probably the most annoying part.
She also hadn't told Vanitas about them yet, wanting to avoid his ridicule, scoffing, and judgment. Despite the fact that she had grown close to the boy (or at least, closer) she couldn't say that she was entirely confident in their relationship. Vanitas was intimidating and mysterious, someone she couldn't just give her trust to freely. At any moment Vanitas could reveal another side of himself, like Xehanort had. Her mentor, the Keyblade Master, may have seemed generous at first. However over the last few weeks he had slowly revealed himself to be a sadist, in both her training and the cutting remarks made between. He pushed harder and harder with expectations that rose at a proliferate rate.
Sighing with a shaky, shallow breath, (Y/n) stared up at the softly glistening stars. There had to be trillions of them. The little balls of light illuminated the darkness of the night, scattered like droplets of paint that had been haphazardly strewn across a blank canvas. Ordinarily, the stunning stars would have been enough to awe the young apprentice beneath them. But today, (Y/n)'s clouded mind was too unfocused to appreciate the beauty of the infinite, ungraspable universe blanketing her.
As she sat on the grass lawn, (Y/n) rocked back and forth. She pinched her eyes shut again, and a few remnants of tears escaped from between the cracks. Gritting her teeth, she panted for breath. Her lungs groped around wildly for air, as if she had just been running a marathon; but she could not catch her breath.
Minutes passed, but (Y/n)'s torrent of panic didn't. Her chest tightened with every puff of air. It felt as if there was a 5 lb/2.27 kg weight sitting over her heart. Why won't it go away, the girl pleaded. I just want to sleep. I want it to stop. Just stop already!
YOU ARE READING
My Sanctuary (Vanitas x reader)
Fanfiction(Vanitas x reader) Vanitas was a monster, lurking in the darkness. He was an apprentice to Master Xehanort, raised alone like a pig for slaughter. (Y/n) was mysterious; she lacked memories, thrown into the darkness, but was filled with an inexting...
