OUTCASTS • Eddie Munson

Hallucinations (Intro)

Ellie had been experiencing hallucinations as of late. She had put it down to her lack of sleep and her inability to function like a regular human on any given day, but she started to get a little bit concerned when her uncle claimed he saw her eyes roll into the back of her head.

The nose bleeds and headaches worried her a little too, she's never been one for unexplained illnesses. She'd given herself food poisoning a couple of times over the years, and forgotten to drink water for a couple of days giving her genuine reasons to feel ill, but all she could pin these symptoms down to were that of some kind of cancer, but cancer doesn't cause hallucinations, does it? And if it did, surely it didn't cause her to go into a comatose like state when she experienced them.

Worried is perhaps a strong word to use, as Ellie didn't particularly care much for the process of living her life, however she told herself that if she were to die, she didn't want it to be a slow and painful death such as cancer, she'd want it to be quick and easy.

Her uncle didn't care enough to talk through her experiences with her, he worked nights and often didn't come home at all, spending most of his days drinking at the bar, and often times being found a couple miles away from home sleeping on a bench, some may call him the town drunk, but at least he could hold down a job, otherwise Ellie would have been out on the streets long ago.

Her mother had died due to an overdose when she was in middle school, and her dad had left the second he found out her mother was pregnant. It hadn't been easy, however Ellie coped as much as she could, after all, in her mind, it was her fault that her mother had died.

She was convinced that her uncle felt that way too, although he never said anything in the small moments they'd spent together over the years, but resentment is a feeling that lingers heavy in the air, and Ellie felt as though he was plotting her murder behind his eyes whenever he looked at her.

Nevertheless, Ellie didn't want to die a slow and painful death, so when the hallucinations and nosebleeds started, she started planning how she was going to get through this unexplained illness. She approached the guidance counsellor at her school, who only told her that it was most likely caused due to the trauma she had experienced when she had found her mother laying lifeless on the floor after coming home from her friends house one night.

"You know it's not your fault" she said to Ellie, almost telling her as opposed to trying to reassure her.

Ellie just sat in the chair, legs up on Ms Kelly's desk, not showing much care for her surroundings, flicking the lid of her packet of cigarettes open and closed repeatedly.

"How is it not my fault?" She asked, wanting more than anything to just end this conversation, knowing full well that her physical condition had nothing to do with her trauma from years before hand.

"Your mother made a decision to end her own life, and didn't seek out the proper help she needed that may have been able to prevent her from doing so." She spoke, carefully, so as not to say anything that would offend or hurt Ellie.

"She called me, she was asking me for help." Ellie said, remembering the situation like it was yesterday, the guilt still heavy on her mind even though she was only a child at the time.

"You don't know that." Ms Kelly spoke, sensing that this conversation was approaching a forced end through no fault of her own. She opened her mouth to say something else but was quickly interrupted.

"Of course I do, who else would have phoned? She knew where I was, and Michelle's mom said that there was breathing on the other end of the line. I should've known." Ellie said, lifting her feet from the desk and sitting on the edge of the seat, placing the cigarette in her mouth, struggling to find the motivation to sit here any longer.

"You were 13, Ellie." She said forcefully, knowing that her tone of speaking was usually a bit too friendly to get through to a student such as Ellie, however even a stronger tone of voice never quite reached out to her either.

"And old enough to know better than to start a fight with my borderline psychotic mother, but I still did it." Ellie responded, quick and snappy, "But never mind, hey?" She quipped, "My suffering will be over soon. The demon in my head told me so." She smirked, lifting herself up from the chair and heading towards the door.

"You know you're not the only student I've been talking to about this illness!" Ms Kelly spoke, hoping that it would make Ellie stay, but she might as well have been talking to a brick wall as Ellie simply heard this sentiment and walked out with a huff anyway.

So here she was, storming towards the tree line of the school grounds as quickly as she could so that she could have a cigarette in peace before getting lunch.