What If!?

What If He Pushes Her Away?

This is a work of fiction and is based on the Turkish hit series Sen Cal Kapimi.

Sometimes love demands to be left. - Kavya Dixit

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The next months didn't gave them any assurance at all. He had known it was a fifty-fifty chance, but for Eda he chose to fight. He had quite a few chemo sessions but he still felt weak. Over a month ago he was rushed to the hospital after throwing up excessively. Eda, she will never leave him, but he doesn't want her to expect too much from his situation. There's a big chance he won't get better, and Eda, his kind, loving Eda. He doesn't want her to throw away her future for him. She deserves to make her dreams come true and Serkan he felt was the one stopping her from pursuing that dream.

He was her curse, it is because of him that she never got her scholarship, and again it is because of him that Eda chose to come home to Istanbul to look after him.

He hated himself for doing that to her. He'd want nothing more but for Eda to be finally happy and it's because of him that she is sad and miserable. He hadn't seen her eyes shine like it did before. He hadn't seen her dance freely for a while. Ten months into chemotherapy and she had gone as pale as he is. He sometimes worries, but she'd just dismiss it. He had made her cry more than anyone else and it hurts him so bad. He is starting to hate himself for being such a burden.

Recently, Eda decided to devote most of her time at home. Serkan needs her now more than anything. She hasn't even seen her Aunt for over a week. She's trying to be strong for both Serkan and herself. He can be difficult sometimes, and she understands. Sometimes eating is more of a task for him, he's always been tired. Eda is tired too. Who wouldn't be. Even she noticed how much weight she had lost over the last six months.

She was preparing some organic fruits for Serkan's dinner. They both decided to eat on the couch outside the house. Serkan was in bed, resting.

"Seyfi, can you grab me a board?" She asked the family's trusted butler for help today. She needed to make it extra special, both her and Serkan had always loved looking at the skies at night. Today, they'll look at the sunset. She placed beautifully arranged little pots of flowers in the center, the cheeseboard on the side, and the rest of the food was placed by Seyfi.

"Thanks for your help today Seyfi." She gave him a sweet smile.
"Anything for you and Serkan, Eda. If there's anything else, just give me a call." Eda nods and Seyfi left her on the porch. She waited a few minutes to fix herself and get Serkan.

"What's this?" She almost fell off the couch.
"Serkan, how long have you been standing there?" She immediately walked to where he was and held his hand.
"It's a surprise. We'll be having dinner outside, with the beautiful view of the sunset. Come on, my love."

They walked slowly hand in hand. Eda smiling from ear to ear. He halted, turned his body to look at her beautiful face. Tucked the strand of hair behind her ear.

"Eda Yildiz, my beautiful, ever brave and kind Eda. I know this isn't the life I promised you and you're still here." He caressed her face with the back of hand. She leaned and looked him in the eyes.

"Serkan, I told you many times before. I'm not going anywhere, my life is with you. No matter how difficult it is. I love you." She hugged him as he put his arms around her waist, he whispers. "Will you dance with me, Eda Yildiz?" She nods her head in response and they dance as the sun starts to set.

They had just finished dinner when Seyfi came, followed by Serkan's doctor. Seyfi proceeded to fix the good doctor a drink and left immediately.

"What's the problem, doctor?" Serkan asked. He was nervous, what if it was bad.

"I know it's late, I'm sorry for coming without notice, but I got the results from the tests we've done last week." He stops and opens his bag fishing for something.

"and? What is it doctor?" Eda couldn't help but ask. She was holding Serkan's hand. They were both nervous.
"The result came in negative. The tumor is gone. Here are the results to prove it. I have asked others to read it. And it's real. You've beaten cancer. You're cancer free." The older man smiled at both him and Eda.

Serkan stands up and hugs the older guy and so does Eda. They were all smiles. A huge load was removed from both Eda and Serkan's shoulders. The doctor bid them goodbye. It was Eda that jumped for joy. "We have to tell everyone. We need to tell your mom, my aunt, melo. Everyone Serkan. This is great news.".
Her smile, it reached her eyes. The smile he hadn't seen for months was back. He had to grab her by the shoulder for her to stand still..

"We will tell them tomorrow, love. Tonight, we celebrate. Just the two of us, I've missed us so much, Eda." He leaned down to kiss her and she responded immediately. They haven't been this intimate for over six months.
"I miss us too, love." She bit his lower lip and pulled it slightly. Her hands around his neck and back playing with his hair. She tiptoed and started licking his earlobe and whispers in his ear. "We need to do this on a bed baby." They both laughed after realizing almost half of Eda's garments are on the wooden floor. Serkan carried her inside the house and they made love until morning.

The next day, Aydan came by to ask about the doctor's visit and they told her the good news. His mother was ecstatic, unable to contain the happiness; she immediately called Ayfer and all of a sudden they were planning a party to celebrate Serkan's second chance to life.

"Eda?" They were on their way to the mountain house for some alone time. She looked at him and reached for his hand. "Yes?"
"Thank you." He said, a smile forming on his mouth. "What for?" She asked while giving his hand a nudge.
"for not giving up on me. I've been a pain for the last ten months, but you still chose to stay."
"I'll do it all over again, for you my love. Just for you. I love you." She leaned her head on his shoulder as he lifted her left hand towards his lips and planted a kiss.
"And I love you more."

Two weeks later, Serkan decided to pay his doctor a visit, to thank him and to consult him about something. Just before they started the chemo. His doctor had mentioned about the possibilities of him not being able to have children after. He had read from the internet that in some cases this is true. He needed to make sure this information he had read was true.

"Yes Serkan, in some cases that happens. In your case, there's a seventy percent chance you'll not be able to have children. But I am not saying for you and Eda to stop trying. Not everyone gets the same side effects."

"And what about the cancer, is it totally gone now? There's no chance it will come back?"

"Most cases, patients are in remission for 5 years, like you are. We need to do tests from time to time, to check if your cancer is totally gone. You've lived a healthy and balanced lifestyle before you got sick. I know you'll be fine. If you feel something, give me a visit and we'll run some tests." They shook hands and Serkan left the clinic. Being the overthinker that he is. He had imagined almost the worst scenario there is after five years. Either he'd be miserably sick or dead.

"Eda doesn't deserve this." He drove home and there she was, his beautiful Peri Kizi. If only we had a choice, Eda. He thought to himself. She walked over to him and gave him a hug. "What's wrong?" She asked.

"Nothing. Just nothing. You are the most beautiful fairy, Eda." He kissed her on the lips. And that night they made love.

Serkan knew what he needed to do. He barely slept just thinking about it. The next morning he went to work without Eda.

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We are almost at the end.....