It's 2.00am in the morning. Can’t sleep. This sleeplessness is my torture. While the rest of the world embraces their dreams, their eight hours of rest, I toss and turn in bed. I see her all over.
"This isn’t real...this isn't real.” I repeat to myself
And at that moment I felt as though all the oxygen in my room has been sucked up. I can't breathe
"Liana...Liana....Liana...."
I call her name as if she was right there with me...my eyes got watery. I was weak mentally and also physically.
My happiness wasn't close by but her memories were tormenting me. She was my everything. Everything that I could ever ask for.
"I promise to never leave you" she said
How I wish she took those words seriously and fulfilled her promise. I badly was craving for answers like why did she end things? Am I not good enough? Did I wrong her?
It has been 3 months since we part ways and I can't help but still think she's mine. I havent gotten over her unfortunately. If only I could undo everything . If only I could foresee what was coming I wouldn't have dared fall in love or better yet I just wish I could delete just that one day from my life. Just that one day.
I woke up and decided to make myself coffee. I wish I didn't. Just getting downstairs and the first thing I set my eyes on were the grey sofa which she and I chose together when we were doing shopping for the house. I tried ignoring that, then proceeded to the kitchen. My heart sank in sorrow. Everything there reminded me of her. I didn’t know break-up would be so disastrous for me.
I wanted to call her or just text her but i didn't want to get carried away by temptation. She doesn't need me,it was crystal clear.
I slowly went back to my room. There was no need for coffee,I mean at this point I knew that I needed to pull myself together and think clearly. I then laid on my bed till the pain subsided.
It took me minutes to realize that this wasn't the life I want to live. I just can't be dealing with insomnia because of her. Every morning feeling exhausted and every night thinking that I could go back to the past and change things.
I slowly learnt to smile again even though it wasn't that bright . Instead of brushing off the painful truth I let my heart accept it. I understood that she was part of my life for sometime and forever was never destined for us.
I came to love myself. And each day I woke up I wanted to be better than yesterday. And the hardest and most toughest thing I had to learn is to never chase love. It'll one day find me.
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