You and Me (BOOK ONE)

12. Break-it-Down, Breakdown

"He's actually right," I said.

"He's right. The box isn't coming back up," Jeff said. "How long do you think we'll last?"

"We can't think about that. We'll find a way, we always do," I said. "Plus, it ain't jump to 20 conclusions. Let's wait until she wakes up, see what she knows. Someone has to have some answers."

Thomas turned around and headed for the exit. "Where're you goin'?" I asked. "Back into the maze."

I rushed out with Minho. "You just got out and now you want back in," Minho said. "I think he's being smart. I say that we try to find the corpse of the Griever," I said. "Woah, not you anyway," Thomas said.

"You heard Clint and Jeff, can't run for 12-24 hours."

I whined. "No ones lived to tell the story of Griever's, right? Now there's one dead and it's free to see! To get out of this shucking maze!"

Minho paused. "OK, I'm in. Chief, what's the game plan?"

"Get 2-4 runners, Thomas will show them the way to the Griever," I said. "You two meet in the woods in 20 minutes, got it?"

They shook their heads.

"And, according to the shucking medjacks, I have to rest for a little. See you later, boys. Remember to report when you get back," I reminded.

*warning- next part contains depression and amounts of swearing*

I left the boys and walked to the treehouse but as I passed the Medjacks, I saw Alby through the window. All the sorrow drowned me. I couldn't take it. It was my fault and I knew it. I choked back the tears till I was alone in my hut. The one the Builders plus Newt made.

I held my arms and cried into my knees. "What the  fuck?! Why isn't anything getting better!! Alby's hurt and it's all my fault! Nothing's getting better, it's just getting worse!! I'm feel like I'm drowning in my own fucking head! Why do I have to be here?! I need to be comforted! I need to feel welcome but I can't when everything's my fault!"

Newt, who stood outside the door of the room, cringed. He didn't know that she blamed herself for everything.

"I failed everyone! Newt, Alby, even Thomas and Minho! It's my fault Alby's sick! It's my fault that they're working!" I said, biting the side of my cheek. "I can't do this shit anymore, I just can't! I show it to them all if I have to! Even Newt," I said. "I need it all to stop for two seconds!"

"I need it to stop!! I need everything to be on pause!"

I dropped to my knees and left a thump. Without thinking to knock, Newt stormed in and gave me a hug, bringing me up. I didn't push him away or question, I just let him hug me. "I'm sorry," I said. "I blame myself! It's my fault. I'm the worst thing that happened here.."

Newt swallowed his Adam's apple. "You're the best thing that happened to me, Y/N. I don't care what you say. You're wrong! You were the best thing that happened to this place! I don't care! You're the most beautiful, smart, kind person I've met! Yes, I live in a Arena full of boys and one girl but that just makes it better! All I know is that you're special. You're my bloody girlfriend! It's not your fault! You blame yourself for everything that goes wrong! Don't do it!"

"But-"

"No," he said, "you listen to me!"