Beautiful Crazy

Chapter 19| River

"Hey dad, is it cool if Wyatt stays home from school?" I ask dad as I sip my morning coffee.

"Is he ok?" Dad asks raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah. He just got home late last night, and then didn't get much sleep since he was having nightmares. I feel like he needs to stay and sleep in." I say, Wyatt didn't fall asleep until about 4am.

I mean, I was up with him until 4am, and then proceeded to stay away for another hour making sure he was fine, then decided it was too late to sleep so I just stayed up half an hour before coming downstairs. Meaning I didn't sleep at all last night. But it's fine for me. I'm not the one with dysthymia.

"That's fine." Dad says, followed by a sigh. "Are you or Wyatt ever going to tell us what his nightmares are about? Because knowing what it's about can really help me."

I frown. I know dad knowing may help Wyatt, but I can't tell dad. Or mom. Or Chris.

"Sorry dad, but no. We aren't ever going to tell you."

"Can I have a reason why? Or is that forbid too?" Dad asks raising an eyebrow.

"Sorry dad, but no. I can't give you a reason why."

Dad sighs. "Ok. I just wish I could help."

"You're helping enough already dad." I say grinning at him.

I finish my coffee so I go to wake up Keely and Riley.

I open Keely's bedroom door, seeing her sleeping on the floor cuddled in Riley's sleeping bag with him. I want Riley and Keely together. Fuck Kai and throw him in a ditch. Riley's better for Keely, he'll always be good for her.

Then again, I'm sure anyone is better than Kai.

I kneel on the ground, gently shaking Keely's and Riley's shoulders.

"Hey you two, time to get ready for school." I say softly.

"Ok bubba." Keely says smiling at me, then gently patting Riley's cheek. "Wake up raincloud." She whispers.

I leave the two, and go to check on Wyatt. I pop my head in his bedroom, seeing him sleeping soundly holding on tightly to the stuffed animal he has.

I smile, happy my baby boy is sleeping, and go get ready for school.

Wyatt's not ok, even if he says he is. Because if Wyatt really was fine, he'd be joking around with me like he used to do. But now he rarely gets any sleep, cries almost every night, and isn't hungry much. I know it's only a matter of time before he's telling me he's having thoughts of hurting himself, and how he doesn't trust himself to be alone. He can't hide it once it hits a certain point, and that point is coming. I feel it.

I don't what I'm going to do if Wyatt goes into his double depression. I hate how he gets. He can never be alone, he cries at every little thing, he doesn't sleep, he doesn't eat, he harms himself the second he is left alone, sometimes attempts to end his life if he's alone for too long, he talks about being suicidal like it's the weather. It's usually too much for me to handle.

Wyatt doesn't really know how affected I am by him when he's in his double depression state. I can't handle seeing my twin, my other half, my baby boy, hurting so bad, knowing nothing I do will ever help him. I hate it.

After everyone's eaten and ready for school, I drive us three to school, glad Wyatt's still sleeping. He needs sleep.

Keely runs off to find Kai the second we get out of the car, Riley sighs and goes after her. And I go find Emily and Abbey.

"Where's Wyatt?" Abbey immediately asks.

"Sleeping. He didn't sleep much last night." I say shrugging, not mentioning how I didn't sleep at all last night. It doesn't bother me, as long as Wyatt's ok.

"Fuck. It's all my fault!" Abbey curses. She goes on to grumble under her breath, so Emily and I can't understand what she's saying.

"You didn't sleep, did you?"

I shake my head. "No, I had to make sure Wyatt was ok."

"But you can't jeopardize your health for him." Emily sighs.

"Yes, I can. He's my twin. You'd understand if you have a twin with dysthymia. I'm fine as long as Wyatt's alive. Without Wyatt, what's the point? If half of me dies, there's no point of the other half of me living. Life will never ever be right without him. So as long as Wyatt is fine, I'm fine. I can care less about myself."

"River. You have to care about yourself. Wanna know why? Because I'm here. You can't leave me. I love you too much for that."

"I love you too." I mumble hugging Emily. I mean, she's right. I do have to care about myself. But my priorities are set. With Wyatt at the top, then Emily, then everyone else, then school, then me. I'm at the bottom for hundreds of reasons.

*****
Hello tic tacs:)

Update #3

Sorry it's a bit shorter. I couldn't think of what else to write in River's pov.