Between You and I

Chapter Eleven

May 16, 2012: 85 Hours After

A walk. I need to walk. My- new- phone received a billion calls and a million messages from Charlie, but he's the one I both don't want to talk to and so badly want to at the same time. He said that she should have died.

He called it. I know its ridiculous, but a small part of me hates him for calling it, even if he can't decide the future. The want was there, and he wanted her gone. Now, she is. She's gone, and I hope he's happy.

I finish lacing up my Vans, causing a memory to play out in my mind.

"Why'd you always wear those?"

"Huh?" Valentine raised an eyebrow.

"Your Converse."

"Well... Why do you wear your Vans?"

"Uh, cause they're better."

"Excuse me??"

"Vans. Are better. Than Converse."

"Oh! You did not just go there." I still remember that we were off to Marcey's school play that day. I start out the front door planning to head to the park, putting my headphones on with my IPod playing.

Marcelline called, too. A lot. She considered Valentine family, but slowly began to... Dislike her, seeing what she was doing to me. I know that she cares a ton about me, but sometimes I worry about how much she worries.

And yes, I know, not answering her calls would make her worry more, but I'm only doing what she taught me to do: get over the hurdle. Like how she did when her boyfriend broke up with her.

Why does everyone still love, even though it hurts so badly? It's as if it's some sort of drug that no one can have enough of. Marcelline dated that guy for years, and I could tell that she loved him. They were in love.

But he left her; breaking her in the process. And now what is she doing? Falling in love with some... New college dude. If you know you're going to get hurt at the end, why do it all over again? It makes absolutely zero sense to me.

So, why the hell am I still caught up in this? Valentine's gone. She's not here anymore. I don't have to be in love with her anymore. There's no point in it anymore. My heart cringes at that thought. I'm never going to see her smile, now. She won't ever laugh again.

I'll never get to talk to her about anything or everything and she wouldn't be able to listen because she isn't here. Tears start to form in my eyes and my heart starts to stop and my legs don't want to move. Oh God Val... I just... I miss you. I miss you so goddamn much that I'm beginning to feel like it's bizzare.

It's just completely nonsensical. You want to know why? It's because every time you come across my mind, Valentine, I just sit somewhere and do absolutely nothing while swimming in our memories. Wait, scratch swimming. I'm practically drowning.

My heart feels like it's beating in gunk, my legs refuse to move, and I cry. I cry so much that eventually, my tears run out, but I want to cry some more. And I probably look like some idiot doing exactly that on my front porch.

Do you remember when we first met, Val? We were six- years- old; you walked up to me during recess, and told me your name as you sat down. I asked you what you were doing, and you said, "No one should sit alone during recess." You were the only one who ever said that to me... You were the only one who really saw me when no one else did.

And I saw you every single day after that, even when it seemed like you couldn't see me. I didn't want to see you, but I couldn't help it. And now it just tears at me and claws at me until I'm near dead and bleeding because now I can never see you. Just like. Everyone. Else. Never again will you walk up to me, sitting alone someplace, somewhere, and say that no one should sit alone. That no one deserves that. Well Valentine, I'm alone now. And that's all your fault.