Between You and I

Chapter Nine

August 30, 2010: Two Years Before

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. The swear was on repeat, in beat with my head hitting the wall. She just couldn't stop, could she? She knew how I fell, and she was bending me this way and that and breaking me, only to piece me back together then break me again. You know what? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

"Dan what are you doing!?" Fuck, it's Marcelline. Ahhhhh... Fuck. I didn't need this now. I wasn't in the mood for another episode of 'Wise Words from Marcelline, The Girl Who Knows How to Navigate Life'. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

"Dan, stop it!" She ran over to me. Gripping me by the shoulders, she yanked me away from the wall. No... I was feeling all the senses coming back. The wall was my only friend. It was always there for me. I needed the wall.

"What's the matter with you!?" Her voice was ecstatic, but I didn't feel it. If I felt anything, I felt numb. I forced my eyes open to see her face contorted with worry and confusion for her little brother. How cute. I hated this. I hated her walking in on me. I hated this house. I hated the fucking world. When the day sucked like hell, the sun just had to shine. Whenever a day in my life felt amazing, it just had to rain. What, is Mother Nature a fervent member of the 'Dan Sucks Crap' club!?

"Answer me!" She yelled, shaking me.

"Nothing's wrong with me." I whispered back, only starting to remember that I had a working voice box that was well more than screwed up, saying the wrong words at the wrong time. Yes, something was wrong with me. Everything was very wrong with me.

Marcey sat me down on my bed and she sat across from me, her blue eyes tearing as she crossed her legs together. It was weird that she had blue eyes and I had brown. I was born in a line of blue eyed people, but I so happened to have gotten brown eyes. I guess that's one more thing wrong with me.

"Talk to me." Sighing, she begged me to trust her as she tucked her wavy dark brown hair behind her ears. Well, at least I had dark brown hair, too. At least there's that. I didn't even get why she wanted to know everything. Sometimes, knowing everything is the worst thing that can ever happen to you. As in, if you knew everything, you knew about Valentine. And that'll just screw you up. Like, literally. Your brains. Would turn. To Mush.

"Wait- don't tell me. It's her again, isn't it." Heh, that took long for her to realize.

"You don't say?" My voice was dull and dead with only a weight of sarcasm. She sniffed.

"What'd she do this time?" Hum... If you had to know...

"Screwed with my emotion gland and broke it." I could tell she was thinking of what to say because she twiddled with her fingers. That's what she always did when she needed to think. It was like how Valentine always licked her lips before she talked. I hated it when she did that. Why did she even do that? Is it some kind of stupid habit that you couldn't get rid of?

I wanted to know. Why wouldn't anyone explain anything to me? What, did the world just somehow get together on the internet and make some kind of 'Declaration To Make Daniel Ridgewell's Life a Living Hell' hate base!? Fuck that. Screw everyone. I didn't need anyone.

"You really need to get over her." Why thank you, Captain Obvious. Tell me more. Is it true that shit comes out of the shithole? Is that why they call it a shithole? Jesus.

"And you don't think I'm trying?" Using her fingers, she took a hold of my chin and lifted it so I stared her dead in the eyes. All the worry and pain was gone from them. It was just plain serious. Okay.

Now I knew she's on her period.

"Trying isn't good enough. When you say 'try', you believe it's too hard. That you can't do it. You got to stop saying try and do."

"That's a bunch of BS. You don't say that to a soldier who died in a war. You don't go, 'YOU DIDN'T DO ANY SHIT BOY! YOU ONLY TRIED!'" She rolled her eyes at me and let go of my chin.

"Alright, let's go about it this way." After thinking for a moment, she messed up her hair and put on the 'I'm completely stoned' face.

"Duuuuudddeee... I'm addicted to drugs." A laugh bubbled up in me since 1. Marcelline is the biggest stickler for rules. She'd never dare to take drugs and 2. She looks absolutely ridiculous.

"Urm, cool story bro...?" In a second, her whole face turned back to normal.

"No you buttwipe! Don't you even care about me!? What would you say if you found out I took drugs!?" Ah... Okay, I got it.

"Don't take drugs, Marcelline. They're bad for you." There was a weird silence as she did this really weird thing where she tried to signal for me to say more.

"And... Um... Stop taking them...?"

"Ooookkkaaayyy, I'll tryyyy." Wow. She sounded like an actual high drunkard.

"Now, how does that make you feel?" Again, she switched back into Marcelline.

"What do you mean?"

"When I said 'I'll try'. What was the first feeling or word that came to your mind." Um...

"That you might not actually do it."

"Exactly! You got it!" The point was exaggerated with her hands as if I was a kindergartener she was teaching who finally learned what a square was.

"When I said 'try' you already have a doubt. What more to the person who said it?" She explained as she started to straighten her hair back into place.

Well, I thought she was starting to make sense. Try is like if. There's always a downside to it. When you try, you can either fail or succeed, but when you do, the doubt isn't there anymore because you'll do it. But what I thought she didn't get, was that you couldn't always do things. You couldn't just do everything without failing at it once or twice. Sometimes, you can only try. And you had to try until you got it right.