Between You and I

Chapter Thirty- Two: Document Three- Winter Prom

May 21, 2013: 200 Hours After

The word’s tiny, so that if you weren’t looking for it, you’d miss it completely. ‘December’. Right as the bell rang to end last period, I told Charlie I had a psychiatrist appointment (which is partly true because I have one at four thirty- ish) and told Cady the same thing. It’s kind of weird having Cady in our ‘inner circle’ now. Of course, Charlie and I would hang out without her at times, but she’s mostly there.

Sometimes, I wonder where her ‘group of friends’ are. Last I remember, she hung out with all the populars. She also used to hang out with Valentine. Now that I think about it, they were always together after Valentine stopped hanging with me…

Does she blame herself, just as much as I blame me?

I glance at ‘December’ again, but my mind has completely shifted gears as it remembers as much of Cady as possible. Her blonde hair, green eyes, and the dark circles rimming them. Looking back, I realize Cady’s lack of laughter, and the lack of the ‘hey, how are you?’ attitude. The only time she even seems remotely happy, is when Charlie holds her hand or when he cracks a joke. I recall all the lunch times where she doesn’t eat, and Charlie looks at her with worry.

God, I feel like a blind idiot.

Suddenly, it all comes rushing back to me, how on the day of the school’s Memorial Assembly, she tells me, “I hope things get better for you.” Just… the way she said it, suddenly everything clicks. Her voice was soft, but strong at the same time. As if, she understood the exact hellfire I was going through.

Of course, how could she understand without going through it herself?

I take up a piece of carpeted floor, and slip the laptop out onto my lap from my bag with sore hands. Every bone in them still aches from yesterday, but the bruises are slowly changing from a dark purple, to a dark blue. With a few taps, the password screen for the third document shines bright on the screen. My fingers type out the word etched into the wooden shelf, but my mind makes a mental note to talk to Cady sometime. That’s if she’d be willing to talk to me.

++++++++++

Winter prom: every girl’s last shot at a fairytale night. I say bullshit to that. The only thing winter prom does is wreck everyone’s last standing belief in our childish thoughts.

That night two years ago sucked from the start. Liem Parker asked me to it, and, being a complete idiot, I thought that he actually liked me. The most popular guy in school asked me out, and not anyone else. Sure, he was no you, but I felt like people were starting to accept me.

So I went. I put on the best dress I had, put up my hair, and yes, I even put on a little makeup. He picked me up in his car, and he complimented me and everything. Even while we were driving, I caught him looking at me from the corner of his eye. That was when I truly bought it. For a few minutes, I believed that I was pretty. I believed that I was sitting next to someone who wanted to be with me. That someone: a person who supposedly wasn’t supposed to want to be with me.

I felt as if I was worth something.

He helped me out of the car when we got to the school, and he held my hand. It felt weird having someone else hold my hand because that’s what we used to do. Everything was weird because you and I would hold hands and do all these things, but we’d never said anything out loud. We never told each other how we felt. It was always some sort of silent agreement.

So, I let his hand go, and that made it awkward. I didn’t mind though. I didn’t like him that way. We made small talk, but the moment we walked in, he disappeared into the crowd. That’s when things started going bad.