Break The Barrier | Tommyinnit

14

Bittersweet.

Drip, drip. The sound of sickness becomes overbearing. People coughing up lungs, the sound of screaming mothers giving birth.

The smell of smoke lingers about. Oh, how hospitals make me long for a cigarette. The constant over whelming stress.

Nurses and Doctors running about. Every now and then someone will come in and check on me. I know there's nothing they can do. All they're doing is prolonging my inevitable death.

A tuff of blonde hair flying past my room piques my interest. I know it's not Tommy, Will promised he wouldn't tell him.

Still, selfishly I want nothing more than for him to be holding my hand as I take my last breath. I huff, I'm doing this for Tommy I don't want him to see me like this.

When I die he will be informed. It will come suddenly, he wont have to watch me slowly deteriorate.

I crank my head backwards to glance at the digital clock on my dresser. 10:03am. That's odd, Will is usually here by now. Panic sets deep within me, what if I die before he gets here.

I can barely move, there's no telling how long I've got. I slowly pull out my phone. Opening up my notes app. I've already informed Wilbur of the contents.

It's a letter, a rather long one. A letter for Tommy. Although I might just get to say what I want to him in person...

I watch Wilbur near my hospital room, nervously. He picks at his fingers. Concern fills me, Will is usually tense when he comes to visit, but this time even more so.

Every negative emotion washes over me at once when Tommy steps into view as well. Anger, betrayal, hurt, guilt, longing, and worst of all pure joy. I try not to show my over whelming happiness at the sight of Tommy.

Even though I know he probably wont let me hold him, like I imagined him to.

I've hurt him to much. Tommy's hand presses against the wooden door, the only barrier between us torn open, slowly but surely.

"Hey," It's quiet, but I heard it. My ears were so starved of his voice. My eyes begin to gloss over and I let out a soft whimper. Tommy's eyes grow wide in panic.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come." He backs up, tears cascading down both our faces. At his words I too begin to panic.

"No, no I- please don't go," My voice is horse and I've never sounded so desperate and saddened. Tommy steps closer to the hospital bed.

Will lurks in the background, I pay him no mind. Tommy reaches the edge of the bed and I motion for him to sit down.

He does as I ask. I try my hardest to sit up right, but to no avail. Tommy notices my struggle and place his hands on my sides gently placing me upright.

Our gazes catch and for a moment we just stare. Its everything I imagined it to be. Wilbur clears his throat and I direct my attention to him.

"I'll be back in a second," He says, pointing down the hallway. I simply nod in acknowledgement. I turn my gaze back to Tommy. "I'm so sorry." My voice cracks. Tommy looks at me with a deep longing. He shakes his head and engulfs me in a hug.

I melt into his touch and sigh. It sure is a pity, all the words I've wanted to say will never be said. I gingerly press a hand to his cheek and my forehead to his. Tommy pulls me impossibly closer.

Tears blend together. In my peripheral vision I catch sight of snow. I smile, its all so bittersweet. "Tommy," He looks to me, teary eyed. "Yes, love." My entire being melts at the term of endearment.

"Its snowing," I chuckle, a soft, quiet chuckle. I point a finger towards the window and Tommy's gaze follows it. He smiles, "It is," "Can you help me to the window?" I want to see the snow up close.

I want to study the varied patterns and complex details. Tommy hums and slips a hand under my knees and one behind my back for support.

He brings me to the window and places me on the windowsill. My head tilts to the side.

I watch in fascination as the snowflakes land on the window before melting and dripping down the side of the hospital.

I lean my head against the wall, "its pretty," I breathe out. "Yeah," Tommy isn't looking at the snowflakes. He's looking at me.

Even after so much time apart a light blush spreads across my face. "You look cool bald." Tommy says, starring intently at me. I chuckle, my eyes closing.

"I've been waiting for you to make a joke about it. Will wont let me joke about it." Tommy sighs contently, a smile on his face accompanied by a slight blush.

"You're still strikingly beautiful," I fall into Tommy's chest, tugging on his hoodie. I hide my face in the crook of his neck, just like I used to. Tommy chuckles lightly.

"Can you take me back to bed. I'm tired." Tommy repeats his earlier actions and places me back in bed.

I break into a coughing fit moments after Tommy sets me down. I feel this gut wrenching sickness. I don't have a good feeling about this.

Tommy panickily hands me a cup of water. Once I take a few sips and the coughing dies down I point to a button on the wall.

Tommy presses the button and rushes to the hallway to see if there are any Doctors around. Nurses rush into the room, checking my temperature and my vitals.

"She's got a high fever." One says to the other, Wilbur is back by now and attempting to calm down a trembling Tommy.

They put some sort of mask over my mouth to help my air waves. I look to Tommy, I just want to be near him. But I'm so tired.

My eyes close over and I can't feel the sheets underneath me. I hear frantic shouting all around me, I search for a familiar voice.

I want to hear Tommy.

Where is Tommy?

Slowly the voices sizzle out and I'm left in a void. My consciousness deteriorates and I begin a deep slumber...