Emma Johansson

A look in the past

I was writing in my journal laying underneath my bed, I could hear the yelling form downstairs. Dad was drunk again and every now and then I could here something shatter, maybe a plate or a glass, I couldn't really tell from just the noise. It's been like this for a few years now and every time I confront mom about it she brushes it of. She thinks he'll change because she asked so nicely. But the devil doesn't bargain and he'll never change.

Today is june 10th 2013, I turned 8 yesterday, and guess what I got for my birthday. Yes that's right a beating. I accidentally left some crumbs of my birthday cake on the counter and dad lost it. That's the reason I'm at home on a monday, because my blue eye wouldn't look so good at school. He always tells me that It's not his fault that I bruise so easily.

He hasn't always been like this but ever since he lost his job four years ago he's been a nightmare. At first it wasn't that bad, I mean the first two years were barible but the longer he went on getting drunk the worse it got. The beatings started about a year and a half ago but they quickly increased in severity. I had to grow up quick because everytime I dared to make a mistake he was there to make sure I would never make it again. 

"эмма спускайся сюда" he yelled, sending shivers down my spine.
"emma get down here" 

I carefully made my way downstairs, careful as to not to make too much noise, what would only upset him further.  As I made my way to the kitchen I was horrified, blood was painting the walls red and there were shards everywhere I slowly opened the door to the kitchen and saw my mom laying on the floor with a bloody face and hands. 

"убери этот беспорядок и ложись спать после" he directed 
"clean this up and go to bed"

O yhee my dad never bothered to use english. 

***

"They say she can here us, but their not sure if she is going to wake up" Scarlett's voice breaks through. I don't know who she is talking to, I try to open my eyes but there glued shut. I feel like I'm drifting off to sleep, seeping in and out of consciousness. 

***

"Dad please stop" I cry as another kick hits my stomach. 

I'm on the floor crying, bleeding dad has been beating the shit out of me for about fifteen minutes. I'm exhausted. Ever since Mom died, dad has gotten way worse. Yes I also thought that that wasn't possible but believe me it is. I've been looking after myself for over four years now, mom never really did even when she was there. And well for dad I really got no words. 

"ты маленькая неблагодарная сука" He yells as he hits me again.
"you little ungrateful bitch."

"dad please I'm begging you I won't sneak out anymore, please, please just top." I wimpher.

"Begging, who are you? I thought that I teached you better. Pain only makes you stronger. 

"Прошу, кто ты? Я думал, что научил тебя лучше. Боль только делает тебя сильнее, так что просто отключись уже" He yells with a final kick to my head, knocking me out. 
"Begging, who are you? I thought that I teached you better. Pain only makes you stronger, so just pass out already"

***

"Hey emma, they say you're supposed to hear me but I've been coming here for three days now and I don't feel like you're going to wake up. I don't know what I will do without you. Tom, Lizzie and Chloé have been coming by everyday as well and they really miss you. Mr Stan gave me a week off so I could be with you. I can't have you dying on me. Not when I didn't get to tell you how I feel about you."

***

I feel nauseous as I wake up the first thing i notice is my dad passed out on the couch. I can't feel my legs and the nauseous cases me to vomit but only blood is coming out. That's it. I think to myself, no more. I'm done. I stumble upstairs and pack a bag, I stuff as much clothes in there as I can. I rummage around the house gathering as much cash as I can. 104 dollars is what I managed to get together. 

I look at the calendar February second 2014, I'll turn 11 at the end of this year which means I am by no means of legal age. But there is no way I will live to see my 11 birthday if I stay in this house any longer. If I'm being honest this place stopped being my home a long time ago. I lost all my friends and family because of my dad. I truly hate that man. 

***

The first week that I was on my own was fine, I still had the cash and managed to steal a bike so I could get around easier. After that I became really hard. I was out of money and fresh clothes. One thing I learned pretty quick is that I am a great liar. After a few tries I got almost anything I wanted if the story was good enough. And the things I didn't get I stole. At first it was really just stealing to survive but it soon turned into more. 

I would go to laugery houses to clean up and avoided shelters to so people don't became suspicious. The fun things about schools is that there is always a new kid. Meaning that if you deal your cards right you can get access to libraries and school classes.  I stole quite a few books because I didn't want my education te flonter. I stole art to sell and save up for collage eventually but for now I did it all on my own. 

I've not yet been caught stealing but that day will probably eventually come. I'm almost 13 now and sneaking around is becoming harder. I don't really have a cute baby face so I'm less likely to get away with stuff. 

I sleep on the second floor of an abandoned building, I'm pretty sure someone is selling drugs from here but as long as they don't find my sleeping place I'm okay. The activity in this warehouse has been increasing over the past months. Police even readed this place yesterday, luckily I was not caught. but I did forget to completely clean my space out so I think one of the officers did find some of my stuff. 

***

"Emma please wake up" someone cries at my bed, I want to, I really want to wake up. I want to know who has been at my side all this time. I want to know how long I've been out. I want to hold scarlett and tom and lizzie and chloe, hell I even want to be nice to Florence if god gives me another change. Please just let me wake up. 

I'm back with another chapter. hope you like it. we will see when I will update again. 
don't forget to drink your water