blue

chapter 11

trigger warning: homophobia and minor description of self harm

She fell in love with her best friend, a girl, and for the first time in awhile she felt free. She floated and wished the world would always be whimsical. 

As long as her parents didn't find out, it would be alright.

Her whole life she'd dealt with their relentless hatred towards same-sex relationships. She feared her life would be in danger so she remained in the closet.

Her Narnia was far from perfect but at least she was safe in her own mind.

At least, that's what she thought to be true at the time. And hoped to be true.

Her love was requited, much to her surprise. But she had only recently figured out her sexuality and had yet to fully accept herself. She couldn't be in a relationship with another girl no matter how strong her feelings were. If her parents found out her life would become torturous hell.

Her best friend was out and proud, as she had always been, and had no qualms about a public relationship. Sadly she didn't completely understand what a secret relationship entailed.

The two girls fell out of love when the girl's best friend got a boyfriend. They fell out of friendship not long after. Her feelings didn't really start to disappear until months later. 

December was the month they began to fall out of love. A month later was the first time the girl self harmed.

It might have been because of her disgust at herself or the pain she caused to everyone around her that played a part in her choice. The fights with her mother and her guilt caused by her mother's words certainly influenced her.

On the night of January 22, she sat in her bed and cried. 

She also scratched her left forearm over and over until it became covered in angry red welts. The girl scratched her arm so much that she scraped off two of her freckles. She didn't want to cut herself with anything because she didn't want visible scars, and the thought of making herself bleed was too much.

Unbeknownst to her making herself bleed soon wouldn't be enough. 

A/N: TY TO ALL MY BEAUTIFUL AND SUPPORTIVE READERS (aka me myself and I)!! I never expected this story to gain ALMOST 40 reads. All of those reads are me double-checking for continuity in my story. So thank you Me for reading, editing, writing, thinking, and voting!!!!!!!

thanks for the votes Me, and enjoy the double update!! 

-elena <3