blue

chapter 12

Blood is thicker than water, until it's thinned by deceptions diluting and destroying the bond.

Her mother said one thing, her father said the opposite. Both had lied to her in the past but she didn't know who to believe. Two very different lies, or two very different truths. 

This time she needed to know.

But to ask either parent would end in being screamed at and threatened. Her step-dad would always side with her mother, even when her mother would verbally and physically abuse the girl.

But the girl didn't want to call it abuse. 

It seemed too serious for the occasional chair thrown at her; too serious for the screaming and swearing and name calling. Too serious of a word for when her mother said she would jump off a bridge and asked the girl's step-dad to shoot her.

But the girl always believed it was her fault.

And what kind of person makes their own mother want to die?

She tried and tried to avoid hurting herself but the urge grew with her self hatred. The second or third time she hurt herself, scratches from her nails wasn't enough. It didn't hurt enough. 

But she didn't want to bleed a lot, if at all, so she used a safety pin. Nothing too deep, just light scratches that barely picked up her skin. And she covered both of her arms completely with the light scratches. 

This time though, it still wasn't enough.

Didn't punish her enough for being such a horrible daughter and human. 

So she went over the same scratches until a few beads of blood seeped out. Maybe two or three tiny cuts on her left forearm, all going different directions to avoid the tell-tale straight lines.

Maybe a week later, she wanted to do it again. But she needed more. Her descent into the addiction was so slow she hardly noticed. Convinced she could stop at any time, she didn't think it was that much of a problem. She wouldn't notice how deeply she was affected until she drowned in her ocean.