Kim Taehyung one shots

Insecurities

I reach home after finishing my night shift. It's almost 1:00 pm. I open the door and take my sandals off. I enter living room and see that Taehyung is still home. He's sitting on the couch doing something on his phone. He sees me standing in the doorway. "Hey, you're home. Finally." He calls out, keeping his phone aside. My heart is beating loudly. I put my handbag on the table and walk up to Tae. He looks up at me with quizzical eyes.
"Umm.. can I.. hug you?" I ask him looking down at the floor. My heart is still beating very loudly.
"Of course." He sits straight and opens his arms.
I climb on the couch and put my legs on either side of his thighs and sit on his lap. I put my hands around his neck and lay my cheek against his collarbone. I let out a shaky breath. This feels warm. His skin is warm. My arms tighten around his body and I try very hard to control my body from shaking. I can still feel tremors passing through my body.
"Hey..." Tae brushes his fingers through my hair gently. "You're shaking. What happened?" I shake my head and squeeze him more tightly. I cannot speak right now. Tae understands and he just holds me like that. His arms around me help me calm down a little. He must have held me like that for atleast 10 minutes. The incident from today again flashes in my head.

I was working during my shift and the person on the next shift was late. So, I was working overtime. I was feeling very frustrated and exhausted at the same time but I thought it doesn't matter much because work load was less. When that person came, I was looking forward to handing over the shift but he had some personal work and he asked me if he can do that also first. I felt very angry considering that he was already late and instead of apologizing, he asked me for another favour. I felt betrayed also because I realise that he's doing this because he knows I won't say no. We were supposed to be friends, he shouldn't walk over me atleast, out of all the people. But I still couldn't say no because I didn't want to start an argument. I held back and just nodded. I wondered how easily he walked over me, do people really think that I'm such a pushover? My emotions were running haywire but then a patient came in emergency and I was called downstairs. I informed my immediate senior doctor and we both rushed towards emergency department. While managing the patient, the senior doctor was busy resuscitating and she told me to draw the samples and send them to lab. It was all so rushed, my head was already too emotional because of previous incident and consequently my hands started shaking badly. I had to put the needle in twice to draw the sample. I tried to breath in and out to control my body but my hands kept on shaking. I couldn't perform simplest of procedures efficiently. Although, my senior didn't complain even once but I was very mad at myself for letting my emotions take front seat when I should have kept my cool because a patient was in distress. We managed the patient successfully but all the way home, I couldn't help but feel guilty. It was such wrong behaviour from me. I should have kept my cool. Someone shouldn't have to suffer because of my personal emotions but I couldn't control them when I needed to the most. Whole of the ride home, my heart was beating loudly and hands were shaking. I wanted to scream so badly to let out the frustration. I was clenching and unclenching my fists involuntarily to control myself. I had to take several deep breaths to release some tension.

A tear escapes my eye as my mind replayed the whole thing. I feel Tae tense beneath me and he pulls my head away from his neck. He makes me look at him. I wipe my tear and look away.
"Hey.. please look at me." Tae pleads gently. I close my eyes trying to hold my tears. I don't know what I'm supposed to say to Taehyung. I know he cannot say anything to make me feel better. I don't have the option of feeling better because I was at fault today. That cannot be argued.
I let out a deep breath.
I finally look at him. He's still patiently waiting for me to say something.
"I'll be okay. Don't worry. Thanks for holding me and helping me calm down." I shake my head dismissively and try to get up from his lap. But he puts a hand on my waist to keep me seated. He takes both my hands in his and grips them tightly.
"Tell me what happened, please." He again asks me.
I look at him. He's looking very worried. I don't know how to explain but he deserves an explanation after he saw me break down like that. So, I try to tell him what all happened. By the end, my tears have again started falling.
He pulls me in his arms again and rubs my back. "It's okay. These things happen. Don't push yourself too hard. You did okay. Don't think, okay. You are also a human being only. You have to have a heart to care for other people and anger, and other emotions are inevitable consequences of having a heart. Don't worry too much. Hmm?"
I nod a little.
"And for the record, that guy behaved like a jerk and you are not a pushover. I know you and I can say this with certainty. So trust me. Just because you chose to ignore things and prioritise calm over chaos, doesn't mean you don't understand when people are manipulating you. So you're definitely not a pushover."