MY DAUGHTER WANTS TO HAVE A DADDY.

Chapter 23.

Jenina, Farrah's older sister told Sandro everything. Nalaman iyon ni Stella dahil sinugod niya si Jenina.

Nagdaan ang pasko at bagong taon, nangangamba pa rin ako kay Eyra. It's true that Sandro never showed up after the incident but I know, he's thinking for plans.

Kahit anong payo na binibigay nila sa akin, hindi ko mapigilan ang pag-iisip ng negatibo. Ni hindi namin na-enjoy ang pasko dahil hindi ako maka caught-up sa vibes nila. Hanggang ngayon, kinikimkim ko pa rin ang guilt. Nakadagdag pa sa iniisip ko ang pagbabago ng mood ni Eyra.

The day after Sandro made a scandal in front of my house, Eyra's mood went unexplainable. Ipinagtataka ko pa ang mata niyang mugto pa sa akin pagkagising namin. I asked her about it that day pero hindi siya sumagot.

Hindi naman sa nagbago totally ang moods niya, caring pa rin siyang bata pero medyo tahimik kesa noon. She's okay physically, I even get a doctor to check her dahil akala ko ay may sakit siya.

Sinalubong ko si Eyra na kakababa sa kotse ng isa sa mga kaklase niya, nakasimangot ito.

"What happened to school, baby? Why you look upset?" tanong ko habang naglalakad kami papasok. "Sabihin mo kay mommy ang problema, Eyra. You've been like that nowadays. Mommy is worried, can you tell me the problem?" malumanay ko lang na tanong.

"Mommy." she pulled my hand to stop me from walking.

"Hmm?"

"Why po?" nagpanic ako nu'ng namula ang mga pisngi niya. Namumuo na rin ang tubig sa gilid ng mga mata niya.

"Eyra?! Bakit? May masakit ba? Tell me."

"I always wanted a daddy, mommy." mas lalo akong kinabahan. "Kanina po, tito Sandro tried to make me come with him, mommy." my eyes was sharpened. "I knew he is my daddy. He's my daddy, right mommy?" mismong bibig ko ang natikom.

"He is and he will come to get me, right? You said that when you got drunk, mommy. Sasama po sana ako kanina mommy, I did not because I will ask you first. Can I come with him?"

My daughter's voice is hoping for me to say yes. My baby is asking me if she can leave me. My baby wants to come to her daddy.

"S-Stella, what should I do?" holding a bottle of alcohol, I asked Stella. I just told her everything.

"I-I don't know, couz."

"Gusto niya nang pumunta sa daddy niya, gusto niya nang umalis sa puder ko. My daughter will leave me.  How could I live with that?!" soundproof ang kwarto sa living room, tulog na si Eyra at kausap ko si Stella.

Ryle isn't here. In fact, we've just been communicating in calls because he's been busy handling two companies. Hindi ko rin naman kailangang isama siya sa lahat ng problema ko.

I should have thought of this before it happened.

"I want to be selfish. I badly want to be selfish! B-But," suminghot ako. "B-But I will hurt my daughter if I do that." I painfully laughed.

First, my best friend and now, my lovely daughter. Kailan ba ako pwedeng magsarili? How to make them stay with me forever?

"Celestine, kumalma ka. Pwede kang manalo sa korte! Eyra isn't seven yet, the court will be on your side." she tried to cheer me up but I laughed more.

"Hindi ako tunay na mommy, Stella. There's no way." she became quiet after that.

Walang nangyaring bago, I am not demanding for any advice from her but I also know that she can't help. Umalis siya pagkatapos linisin ang guest room. Parang wala na akong mukhang maihaharap sa kanila sa dami ng problema kong naiaapply ko kapag narito sila sa tabi ko.

I called Stephan without thinking. "Hello, teptep?" I laughingly said.

"Celestine? Lasing ka ba?"

"So what? Let me talk to you, teptep. Hahaha, cutie, teptep."

"Who are you with? Are you at home?"

"Stephan," parang batang tawag ko sa pangalan niya. Wala na akong pakialam kung lahat ng tao ang makaalam ng pinagdadaanan ko, hindi ko kayang kimkimin. Kahit ilang beses ko nang nailabas ang hinanakit ko kina Ryle at Stella, parang walang nagbabago, hindi nababawasan.

"Celestine? Are you okay?"

"I-I am not, Stephan." I cried. "What should I do?"

"O my gad, wait for me there, don't cut the call."

"Everything is messed up, Stephan. Hindi ko na alam kung anong gagawin ko. I can't think, I can't do anything." I confessed.

"Tell me the problem, Celestine."

Right, wala nga pa lang alam si Stephan sa mga nangyayari.

In a short period of time, he's already beside me, tapping my shoulder. Medyo matino na ang ulo ko dahil pinainom niya na ako ng tubig.

"I am here, you can always call for help. I know there's a way."

"I want to hear some good things right now after saying the problem. Can you give me some? Help me forget my problem even just tonight, Stephan." I almost begged.

Tinignan niya ako. Nag-aalangan ang mga mata niya na parang nagdadalawang isip kung sasabihin ba ang nasa isip niya o hindi.

Inalis niya ang kamay sa balikat ko at pinagtiklop sa isa. "I can't think one right now."

Hinila ko ang laylayan ng damit niya at ngumuso. "Tell me a story then, please?" ngayon, napatulala na siya sa akin. Hindi ko makuha ang paraan ng pagtitig niya sa akin.

"Alam kong hindi ito ang tamang oras para sabihin ito, Celestine. But please, hear me out." umiwas siya ng tingin at idinikit ang baba sa pinagtiklop niyang mga kamay. "Do you have an idea who's the girl I like?" he said it so seriously.

"W-Who?"

"Manhid siya, maganda at responsable. I fell at first sight. I didn't thought that the girl I used to see as a snob will start a friendship with me. Akala ko masungit, mabait pala. I never had a chance to confess because she's a girl with no thoughts for love. She might decline me. But, I kinda regret it because someone did the first move that I should've done first." tumingin siya sa malayo, hinihintay ko lang na magpatuloy siya kahit kinakabahan ako.

"Hindi ako nagsisi nu'ng umalis ako para mag-aral, nagsisi ako nu'ng panahong nakabalik na nga ako, hindi pa ako nakaamin. What a coward I am. I should have made the chance before anyone can."

"The worst part of it was, it's my brother who did the first step. Si Ryle na nahulog sa kaunting panahon, nakagawa siya ng pagkakataon samantalang ako na matagal nang kumikimkim ng damdamin ko, torpe pa rin."

I stopped breathing. Kaya pala ako kinakabahan ay may parte sa utak ko na nagsasabing ang tinutukoy ni Stephan ay ako.

"I told myself to tell you this in the right time but now is not the right time at all." he laughed. "Alam kong hindi mo mapapantayan ang pagtingin ko sayo dahil kuya lang ang tingin mo sa akin, Celestine. Pero gusto kong gumawa ng chance. I can wait. So please let me." bumalik ang mata niya sa akin na nagmamakaawa.

"S-Stephan,"

"I know Ryle weighs more and I know you've been developing feelings for him but I will not stop until," he paused. "Until your heart finally accept one of us."

Stephan is only a brother to me. I can't see him being more than that. I'm not blaming him but I think my problems got bigger.

"S-Stephan, I--"

"Don't reject me yet." inunahan niya na ako. "I'm sorry for being like this when you're in the middle of crisis." yumuko siya at ayaw akong tignan sa mata.

I shook my head. "I-It's okay. B-But let me think about it. I can't really think of anything to say to you."

"I understand." he nodded his head. "Go and rest already, alam kong masyado nang marami ang iniisip mo."

Tumango ako kahit alam kong hindi ako makakatulog mamaya.

He left with a smile and me on the other side was full of guilt.

How to deal with all of this?

---
Astrid Manunulat