Desiderium

Never again the same

      Tommy froze, the potatoes he once held tightly in his grip slipping to the floor, the evanescent moment of calm dissipating like smoke. Somebody was there, and Tommy knew that voice. He knew that voice, it sounded so fucking familiar, but he couldn't remember who the voice belonged to. Tommy turned slowly, his eyes taking in the newly arrived figure. They would have seemed like any ordinary person-Blonde hair, blue eyes, a striped bucket hat- if it weren't for the massive fucking wings the figure possessed. Tommy felt- no he knew that he should recognize this person, because he felt so familiar, like they had known each other since forever. But Tommy just couldn't remember.

      And once again came the overwhelming feeling of being incomplete. Every time Tommy met someone, he felt like he knew them, yet...he didn't. He couldn't even remember anything about himself. He felt like an imposter, some hollow shell of what Tommy was supposed to be. Sure, he looked like the blonde all these people seemed to know, but if he couldn't remember any of the memories that made Tommy, Tommy, did he really have the right to call himself the boy that these people used to care for? It was so confusing, and Tommy hated the way they looked at him. The sadness that would fill their eyes, and the hope that flared when he dared to open up to them, as if they expected their Tommy to come back at any moment. He wished he could be the Tommy they all wanted, he wished he could just be the happy kid they knew.

    But he couldn't remember how.

    He couldn't remember anything at all.

    After silence stretched out for a few impossibly long heartbeats, the new figure spoke up once again. "Tommy..." Their brows were furrowed in what could only be confusion and concern. "You look- Tommy...did you die?-" they said, their gaze boring into Tommy as the blonde looked up at him silently. "Uhm, yep." Tommy said, his voice strained as he looked to the side, suddenly desperate to avoid eye contact. The man took in a breath sharply, guilt clouding his gaze. "How?" He said quietly, too quietly, it could barely be heard above the tundra's furious winds, but Tommy heard it nonetheless. 

And Tommy knew how he died, he had jumped, but without the memories of why he had even done it... he felt oddly detached from the fact. He simply couldn't bring himself to be saddened by it, so why not tell this man? He seemed to have known Tommy...

"I jumped."

There it was. To Tommy, that's all it was, he had simply jumped. He knew it was wrong, he knew he should care more about the fact that he had ended his own life. He should have cared more that something must have happened to drive him to that point. Be he didn't. He couldn't.

Because he wasn't their Tommy.

He really didn't know why they all cared so much, why tears sprung up in the man's eyes at Tommy's response, why they still cared as if he was the Tommy the all knew. Because he wasn't. He's not their Tommy.

So why can't anyone seem to understand that?

"Oh Tommy..." The man said, slowly walking towards him. "I'm so sorry." He said, wrapping Tommy carefully in a hug. Tommy froze. He had no clue who this man was, so why did his embrace feel so warm, so safe. So much like family. But despite that, Tommy still knew nothing about him, so he pulled away, instinctively floating a bit above the ground. "Who- who are you?" Tommy whispered, wrapping his arms around himself. That small phrase seemed to crush the man, his expression crumpling even further. Techno walked over, putting a hand on the man's shoulder. "We'll talk later Phil, for now lets just all go inside." He said. Phil took in a breath, nodding before heading into the cabin. With Phil gone, Tommy quickly picked up the potatoes he had dropped, following inside slowly.

He entered the cabin to the sight of Tech, Ghostbur, and Phil all sitting near the fireplace, an awkward silence enveloping the room. Yeah, Tommy was not doing that today. He took one look at the situation, and turned away towards the kitchen, opting instead to bake the potatoes. He hummed as he worked, subconsciously filling the silence as he tried to figure how to bake potatoes. For you see, it may come as a surprise, but Tommy actually didn't know how to do this, yes, shocking, I know, how could a big man so cool and skilled as Tommy Danger Kraken Innit, not know how to bake potatoes? Well, you can blame his supposed "Ghost Amnesia" for that.

    Tommy sighed, cutting the potatoes.

    This was going to be a long night.