Desiderium

Memories

 Phil shot an anxious glance Tommy's way, the room's silence stifling as he warily stepped away from the young ghost. Tommy, with Phil's protective wings no longer obscuring his vision stepped closer to the door, as Tubbo's figure was still blurred by the snow. Tubbo seemed to have the same idea, pushing past Techno and letting out a disbelieving whimper of "Tommy?..." The blonde took another step forward, Techno moving aside, and then, Tommy could finally, finally, see this person who screamed familiarity clearly.

He was shorter than Tommy, his messy wild curls obscuring his eyes as tears streamed down his face, he looked confused, disbelieving, shattered beyond repair. But the expression that shone through all the other messy emotions, was the look of overwhelming relief that lit up Tubbo's face. Tommy found it impossible to not smile right along with the other boy.

and that's when all the memories came crashing back.

"I'm trying to do what's best for L'manburg Tommy!"

Tommy's breath hitched as new emotions threatened to overwhelm him.

Fear, confusion, betrayal, hurt.

"I hereby declare that Tommyinnit is exiled from L'manburg."

"No- what? Tubbo, you?-" Tommy cut himself off, feeling the speed of his breath increase, while Tubbo's relief was quickly replaced by concern. "Tommy, are you okay? Shit, did I do something?-" Tommy backed away, his eyes wide, that voice that felt so familiar, Tubbo's voice, that sang of friendship and laughter, was the same voice that-

"Dream, please escort him from my country."

A menacing hand on his shoulder, tears, screaming, defeat.

Tears welled in Tommy's eyes and he inched closer to Techno, desperately fighting the panic building in his chest. Techno placed a hand on his shoulder, warm, reassuring, so unlike the cold harsh hand from the memory. Tommy stepped closer to his brother. "Hey, Tommy, what's wrong, whatever it is, we'll fix it, just please, calm down." Techno said. "I- he- he- I can't, Tubbo ex-" Tommy broke off into a sob, cold memories whipping through his mind like a storm, he felt his own tears burning his face as he cried.

Ghostbur walked over quickly, standing in front of Tommy and blocking Tubbo from view. He put his hands on Tommy's shoulders, smiling softly. "Hey, Hey sunshine." He whispered softly, handing blue to the younger ghost. "It's okay, you don't have to talk, can you try to breath for me? Yeah, like this. In..." He inhaled deeply, Tommy shakily following. "Out." They both exhaled, continuing until the band around Tommy's chest loosened, and he could breath steadily again.

 "You got some memories back, didn't you?" Ghostbur whispered quietly, rubbing comforting circles on his back. Tommy nodded, melting into the others hold. "It just- It all happened so quickly! I didn't know what to do! He- Tubbo exiled me! I thought he was safe and then I remembered and it all-" Tommy sobbed, hugging his brother tighter. "Why does it hurt so much? I don't even remember where he exiled me from... I don't even remember Tech or Phil! Or- or you before you died- just, make it stop! Please..." Phil, then chose to speak up.

"Tubbo, I think it'd be best if you leave." He said quietly. Tubbo's face fell, but he nodded nonetheless, casting one last glance at Tommy before leaving the house, and closing the door with a muted thud behind him. It was painfully silent after that, with Tommy's sobs quieted, and the fire having long gone out, there was nothing to bring sound into the quiet room.

Tommy always hated the silence.

Silence was suffocating, lonely, stifling, cold, however you wanted to describe it, and Tommy hated it, he couldn't stand it. The silence wrapped around him, clouding his thoughts, restricting his air, until all he could think was that he needed to get away, to where, he didn't know, he just needed away from all the fucking silence.

So Tommy stumbled out of the house, hardly hearing the others worried protests, and letting out a sob of relief as the sounds of wind and nature met his ears. It was so, so much better, than the suffocating silence that waited for him in the house.

He didn't even noticed the blur of bright green that watched him from the trees.