It's Just You, Me And The Loading Screen

The Hermit

It was Christmas Eve and for the last few days I had been avoiding Felix and Marzia, saying that I was still too sick to do anything when Marzia invited me to spend time with the two of them. I didn't leave the apartment much, fearing that I might run into the happy couple, instead I spent my time applying for jobs on line.

Anna and I had already decorated our lounge room and set up a Christmas tree but as much as I wanted to be happy and get into the Christmas spirit my broken heart just wouldn't allow it, I was slipping into a dark depression. I tried to hide it from Anna as best I could, when she asked how I was I would just smile and shrug as if I didn't know why she would even be worried about me. She could see I was not coping at all but she didn't call me out on it, just made up excuses for us to watch sappy romance movies and eat chocolate ice cream to try to keep my mind off Felix. When I was with Anna I almost could forget about him and be happy, but at night when we had to go to bed and I was alone without anything to distract me the heartache always came back.

I think Anna must have noticed that I was getting worse, I was feeling extra homesick tonight because of the holidays, making it harder than usual to keep up my facade of happiness. I sat on the couch in the lounge room in what lately had become my usual attire, my pajamas with my messy hair pulled up into a bun. An old Christmas movie played on TV and I pretended to watch even though my mind was busy reminiscing about my home in Australia, Anna walked in from the kitchen and flopped on the couch next to me.

"What's this?" Her voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

"Huh?.. Oh I'm not sure, I wasn't paying attention"

I could feel Anna looking at my face, I met her gaze but only for a second, fearing that keeping eye contact for too long would reveal all my secrets.

"How long has it been since you've been outside?"

"I.. Um..." I was growing uncomfortable from Anna's stare and after realizing it had been at least three days since I had left the apartment my cheeks became red with embarrassment. I bit my bottom lip and shrugged, not wanting to answer.

"Get up" Anna stood and put her hands on her hips, waiting for me to follow her actions.

"What?.. Why?" I looked up at her wondering what she could possibly be planning now.

"Get up, we're going out" She grabbed my hand, trying to pull me to my feet but I didn't budge. I opened my mouth to protest but Anna cut in before I could say anything.

"It's Christmas Eve and we're going to go out and do something"

I wanted to decline but the sternness of her words left no room for questioning, instead I took a deep breath in and stood up.

"OK, I'll go get dressed"

"Great, don't take too long, it's almost night already" She smiled victoriously, I rolled my eyes and walked to my room.

Within fifteen minutes I was ready and we where in the elevator going down to the ground floor, my anxiety was showing through the way I kept fidgeting with my hair. Anna must of noticed because she put a reassuring hand on my shoulder and half smiled.

"Don't worry, everything's fi-"

The doors opened and we both seen them at the same time, Felix and Marzia holding hands. All four of us stood kind of stunned for a second, the silence was growing unbearably awkward and I wished I was locked in my room away from everyone.

"Allysyn, oh my god it's so good to finally see you" Marzia was the first to break the silence, she stepped forward and wrapped me in a tight hug. At first I wanted to push her away but I wouldn't allow my compulsive thoughts make me do something stupid again, instead I gave her a small hug in return before politely stepping away.

"You look good, are you feeling better now?"

"Yeah, kind of..." My eyes kept moving from Marzia, to Anna, to my hands, to a street light that had just flickered on, anywhere that wasn't Felix. Noticing my discomfort, Anna stepped in to take the attention from me.

"Well, Ally and I where just going out for dinner..."

"That's perfect! Felix and I just had to come back because he forgot his wallet and then we where going out as well" The smile on her face and the excitement in her voice was the complete opposite of how I felt, I tried to think of any excuse to get myself out of this situation but nothing of reason came to mind.

"That sounds great"

I looked at Anna completely shocked but neither her or Marzia noticed.

"We'll just wait down here for you two to get back" Anna stepped out of the elevator, it took me a moment to realize that everyone was waiting for me to walk out as well, I quickly moved so that I was beside Anna again.

"We won't be long" Marzia smiled again and I forced myself to smile back.

As the doors to the elevator closed I couldn't resist allowing my eyes to wonder over to where I knew Felix was standing, I don't know what I was expecting to see, but when I looked into his icy blue eyes that where already looking back at me, my heart skipped a beat.