It's Just You, Me And The Loading Screen

The Secret

I realized as soon as I heard my name that it wasn't Felix that answered me, instead it was the overly sweet voice of Marzia. I froze, unable to speak while my mind whirled out of control trying to process what was going on.

"Hello, Allysyn are you there?"

Her voice snapped me out of my daze, I choked back the lump in my throat before I spoke.

"Yeah, I'm here. Sorry I was just confused for a second"

"Oh yeah, Felix is in the bathroom. He shouldn't be too long.." She let out a small giggle, obviously Felix hadn't said anything to her about what happened between us last night, for a moment a dark part of me wanted to blurt it all out and destroy they're happiness. But I couldn't, I'd already hurt Felix today and it had made me hate myself, I could never do anything like that again.

"...we where going to go out to dinner tonight, you should come too?"

I had to stop myself from nearly screaming out no, I knew she was only trying to be polite but the thought of the three of us in the same room together sounded horrible, instead I ignored her question.

"What are you doing here.. In Sweden?" I didn't mean to sound so rude, I had no filter at the moment, it didn't seem to bother Marzia though, she answered with out skipping a beat.

"I wanted to surprise Felix for Christmas, and to finally meet you in person"

"That's.. so.. awesome" I could feel myself dying on the inside, I wanted to hate her so much but she was just a genuinely nice girl that in any other situation I would probably be good friends with.

"Felix is here now, I'll put you on. I'll see you later tonight?" She didn't give me a chance to answer before handing the phone over to Felix. I took a deep breath in to calm my nerves, talking to Marzia had distracted me from my initial reason for calling, to apologize to Felix.

"Hello"

I heard a door close, Felix must have gone to his room for some privacy. I didn't know what to say anymore, to begin with my plan was to tell him how sorry I was and that he was the only one I could ever truly love but now I felt as though admitting my feelings would just get in the way of Felix being happy with Marzia.

"Hey.. so, how are you?" I said the first half-decent thing that came to mind, and even it sounded stupid.

"How am I? What the hell kind of question is that?! This morning you treat me like trash and now you call up acting as though everything is fine? What's the real reason you called?" He whisper-yelled so that Marzia wouldn't be able to hear, fresh tears ran down my cheeks as I sat on the edge of my bed, feeling as though I didn't have the strength to stand anymore.

"I don't know... I just, I just wanted to say sorry. I was stupid, and angry at myself and I shouldn't have put the blame on you... I don't want us to not be friends"

There was a long pause, it seemed to draw out for hours until Felix finally spoke again.

"Is that all we are, friends? What about last night?" His voice was shaky, and so quiet that it was almost inaudible. I answered quickly, not wanting to think about it for too long in case I changed my mind.

"Yes, just friends. And last night will be.. our secret"

I heard Felix breath in sharply, I wondered if the thought of us being 'just friends' was as painful for him as it was for me.

"I guess that's for the best, are you coming to dinner tonight?"

I sighed and wiped the tears off my cheeks.

"No, just tell Marzia that I'm feeling sick and I'll see her another day. Goodbye"

"Goodbye, Allysyn"