☨ 𝟒. ☨

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(TW: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND SELF HARM)

PART I:
I CAN'T BREATHE WITH THE RADIO ON

CHAPTER 4: "GERARD, THIS WAS MY CHOICE. GOODBYE."

Gerard's pov:

I had to run away from Frank he's too much like Bert. I thought of him again even though I probably shouldn't think of him. But I can't help it. I don't care if he died 10 months ago it's all my fucking fault. Maybe if I handled that talk I had with him better I could've saved him.

Flashback:

Bert <3: Meet me at the cemetery.

Me: Why?

Bert <3: Just get over here.

Me: Fine

Bert <3: I knew that'd work on you, Gee.

Me: shut up

Bert <3: I don't feel like it

I walked out of my room. "Mikey, I'm going out." "Okay, bye. Have fun also I know your going out just to see Bert." I laughed. As soon as I got there I saw him sitting at our usual spot. He had alcohol and cigarettes in his hands. "Why'd you want to meet so bad at 1am?" He held my hand. "Am I not entitled to see my boyfriend?" I laughed. "Whatever." I said seeing through his bullshit. "Fine, you got me. We should die today." "Oh, I was wondering when we were going to do that." "Might as well have a drink and smoke goodbye." I stayed quiet and smoked with him.

"I hope I die first." I said. "I feel bad for the person who has to kill themselves after one of us is dead." "Can you slit my wrist?" I asked him I know he's drunk so maybe if I kiss him he'll say yes. "Sure, but only if you cut mine afterwards." I was too intoxicated to think myself. "Sure." I gave him a sloppy kiss. He blushed and cut my arm sideways. I felt very cold. "Hey, Gee are you okay?" "Yeah, I'm fine I swear." "Wait." "What?" "I might as well say this. I love you and I liked the past ten months." I smiled and felt myself want to faint. "I liked them too. I love you too." I gave him another kiss. I slit his wrist in the same way he did to mine. I didn't realize but he already slit his other wrist once I was there. "Bert!" "Gerard, this was my choice. Goodbye." He held my hand and kissed me one last time. I passed out from the blood loss.

I woke up in the cemetery early it must've of been 5am. "Bert?" I said. He was next to me sleeping. "Bert? Get up lazy ass." But I saw the blood and I remembered. Fuck. I cried and stared at him.

End of flashback:

I cried my way home. I shouldn't have done that but I was too drunk to think. I know I would've died that day if I wasn't drunk. I should've died and he should've lived. I'm the one who killed Bert. I'm his murderer. He can say it was his choice but he's the one who wanted me to slit his wrist. So really it's my fault. But Frank does have a point what if I died instead? I know Bert would blame himself then. Oh, I understand now. He didn't want to live in the first place but especially if I died. He couldn't go on without me. I climbed into my room from my window. I sat on my bed and thought for a long time. I sighed and tried my best to go to bed.
Mikey knocked on my door. At least I think it was Mikey. "Gerard." I was right. I stayed quiet but opened the door. "Why did you skip with Frank and why did you run away from him?"

'Bert.'

"What about him?"

'He reminds me of Bert.'

"How?"

'It doesn't matter.'

"Well it sounds like it matters." He sat on my bed with me. "Gerard, do you know where Bert was before he went missing? People at school were saying weird stuff about..." That's when I spoke to my brother for the first time in months. "Don't fucking talk about Bert like that." I said feeling pissed off. "I didn't mean anything by it. I wasn't accusing you." He said sadly. "I'm sorry." "It's fine. Also I'm glad you spoke again." He gave me a hug. I smiled. "I'll leave you alone though. You seem upset." I nodded and went to bed.

~
Dude its fun writing this
Love ya my wee clouds
- Sid <3

Leviathan (Frerard) Where stories live. Discover now