Unfaithful

Epilogue

As I move through the qualifier dance, all I'm thinking about is her. I don't exactly fully know the routine, all the drama going on has been kind of preoccupying and I should be concentrating properly but I can't. Not when I'm thinking about the way we laughed like crazy people when we were together, the way her brows furrowed when she sat at my kitchen table doing our maths homework together, the way she'd buy me ice cream and binge watch movies with me whenever I was feeling down. I know now I don't love her, at least not in the way I pretended to. But she was my best friend, I shouldn't have hurt her like that and I'll always regret it.

As we do a turning section, Jacquie catches my eye. I turn away subtly, trying not to hurt her but I don't know what I'm doing. I don't love her either, that much is just as obvious now. Actually, I sort of think I might be gay. But I don't know at this point, everything is so confusing and I haven't been able to think clearly for a very long time. I know I shouldn't have kept lying to Jacquie, I know I should have been honest with her, but I didn't know how to tell her and everything kind of snowballed. Just like with Richelle. Now I go through the motions every day. I'm friends with everyone again, but surface level - I know they all hate me for what I did. To Jacquie, I'm a loving boyfriend, but I don't actually care at all.

Amy and Henry do their duet and I'm flooded with memories of me and Richelle's last duet, when we danced on the regionals stage. Happy. Before I broke her heart. We never would have been happy together long term, our relationship was, and still is, too complicated but she didn't deserve the hurt I've put her through. Especially since I don't even love Jacquie. I should be watching Henry and Amy but I'm not, I'm watching Richelle from the corner of my eye. She's pale, I know she's not sleeping well and I'd say that's on me, except she'd be furious that I'm flattering myself like that.

As we move into the end of the dance, I'm struck by the fact I won't dance with these people again. I'm leaving the team, leaving the people I don't care about and who don't really care about me. Jacquie is suffocating and I should have listened to Henry and stayed far away from her. And me leaving gives Richelle the space she needs to recover. I can't take that from her. Not after everything else.

Finally I lift Richelle into our lift and she flinches slightly. I know something's wrong and I'm instantly worried. We may not be dating anymore, we may not even be friends but we have years of history and I still care about her. I know something's up. As we continue the dance, I'm watching her out of the corner of my eye. Jacquie can tell and she's annoyed, but I don't really care. Jacquie can get over herself.

The dance draws to a close and we all pose. West stops the recording and Emily claps. Everyone begins to cheer but I'm already turning towards Richelle. Just in time to see her fall like a puppet who's strings have been cut. And all I'm thinking is fuck.